complicated *ON HOLD*

loseing someone and gaining 5... ((PLEASE WATCH THE TRAILOR))


3. what happened

hey this is going to be a bit short but interesting none the less, I will update another chapter of this tomorrow. 


so im writing a new story on here if you want go check it out its called the brightest smiles hide the darkest secrets here's the blurb:


I once again found myself being the adult at the age of eight. I would calm my stepdad, stop my mom and him from fighting, endure being bullied, take care of my ten month old baby brother, clean and cook, all while going to school. But now I’m nineteen have endured everything and now live in London working at a nursing home (mostly volunteering). I suddenly find myself bonding with an older woman named sally styles, she constantly tells me to meet her grandson that I’ll ‘love him’ but I don’t trust men, for a very good reason. Can she get me to meet him and open up to him like I do her or will the past come back and bite me in the ass?

now on to the story!!!!






I sat there staring at him. I watched his every move and he foamed at the mouth, he was having another seizure. I took the wet cloth from the glass bowl putting it to his forehead I held it with one hand while my other traced a tattooed skull on his bicep, I whispered calming words in his ear.

“Jamie don’t do this to me again, you can get through this. I know you can I believe in you.” I traced his tattoo over and over eventually tracing the entire arm of them. I let a tear slip from my eye as he was now calm and just lying there the cloth rested on his head as he took deep breaths falling asleep. I slowly stood from the bed looking down at his figure I took another cloth from the bowl wiping the foam away from his mouth.

“I’ve already lost mom, and Anthony I can’t lose you too. You may be covered in tattoos, have a drug problem, yell too much, and all that but it not your fault your mom didn’t love you. Because I do, I love you daddy. Just promise you won’t leave me too.” 

I was shaking; I opened my eyes as tears fell from them I sobbed holding onto the person next to me. Suddenly I was remembering last night and realized it was Harry I looked at him scanning his features, his closed eyes, messy curls, sharp cheekbones, soft, full pink lips. I looked down his neck my eyes eventually meeting with an exposed black mark on his chest. I carefully moved the collar of his shirt down more getting a full view of a bird permanently inked onto the right side of his chest, I took the hand that wasn’t holding the collar of his shit and began tracing it.

“You like tattoos?” I heard a voice ask across from Harry and me causing me to jump pulling my hand from the ink. Looking across the room I saw zayn sitting up with his legs over the edge of the couch, as he leaned forward with his arms on his legs. I bit my lip slowly nodding my head yes.

“My stepdad Jamie, he was a tattoo artist. He did all off his own tattoos himself and constantly drew all sorts of stuff. I sort of grew up admiring art and eventually learned how to do what he did although I never got to the actual putting the needle to the skin part so I wouldn’t want to ever tattoo someone but I can draw like a tattoo artist.” I smiled; he looked a bit surprised at my answer like most people are.

“I actually have some drawings that he and I did together if you’d like to see them. Although I’d have to go with you because they’re in-” I cleared my throat a bit. “my room upstairs.” I said watching as he nodded walking over to me his arms stretched out as he encircled me in them picking me up from Harry’s lap. I clung to his chest wrapping my arms round his neck as he carried me up the stairs with ease, “straight down the hall.” I whispered to him, he listened and I found myself doing what I had done to harry. I creepily examined his features.

I felt myself being sat down on the bed as he joined I crawled over to the bedside table I kept all the drawings we did together in, I opened the drawer retrieving the heavy, over stuffed black binder. I crawled back to zayn holding the binder and being careful of my leg at the same time, I sat next to zayn and opened the binder revealing a sketch that Jamie had done of me in a grassy field in our backyard which happened to be acres and acres worth of land including horses and a pond. Zayn pulled me closer making me rest my head on his chest as we looked through the throngs of colorful sketches and designs Jamie had done.

“Do you have any tattoos?” he asked my tilting his head down a bit to look at me. I nodded my head.

“Can I see?” he questioned making me smile I nodded again untangling myself from his arms I sat up removing my shirt I looked back at him smirking. I pointed to one on my shoulder which happened to be a dream catcher. I then pointed to one on the back of my neck that said never forget, I was I bit nervous to show him the last one considering where it was. I turned to him fully, facing him in just my bra and sweatpants making him smile.

“I have another one but I’d have to remove another piece of clothing if you’re comfortable with that.” I smiled at him making him laugh.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he questioned, I turned back around reaching up to unclasp my bra. Removing it I cupped my breasts In my hands turning back around I took one arm covering my breasts so I could remove my right hand. I took my hand pointing to the side of my breast; it was a medium sized cherry tree but looked like there was water paint splattered over it. He grinned at me.

“Mm, sexy.” He bit his lip coming closer to me I was laid down on the bed as he took my arm that was covering my breasts from its position making me exposed fully. He leaned down to me and gently placed his lips on my, they were soft and tasted like mint. I slowly started to kiss back as his hands traveled up and down my sides making me moan, he slid his tongue into my mouth deepening the kiss. My hands found the hem of his shirt tugging it up over his head and flinging it across the room. His lips traveled down my neck, to my collar bone and back up sucking and kissing. I pulled his head back up so I could look at his face.

“As much as I love this I just met you yesterday and I’m not the kind of girl to sleep with someone she just met and barely knows.” I smiled kissing his lips quickly I sat up grabbing my bra and putting it back on, deciding to leave my shirt off.

 I looked over at zayn, “want to go horseback riding?” I asked grinning. He nodded with a cute smile picking me up he made his way to the door, down the stairs, out the back door and to the barn.




“You never told me where your parents are?” he laughed as our horses stopped at the pond to drink. This question somehow upset me because the answer wasn’t a simple ‘oh they went on a business trip, they’ll be back in a week’ although that’s what I wished for more than anything. I leaned down on my stomach resting my cheek against the horse’s soft hair; I decided to tell him despite just meeting him yesterday.

“Dead, they’re all dead.” I frowned looking over to zayn seeing him doing the same as me on dusty. He had a bit of surprise on his face, but something told me to continue my story. So I did just that.

“Well when I was thirteen I had a normal family mom, stepdad, little brother. The only difference was that my mom and my stepdad never got along really; I mean one minute we would be in the kitchen actually cooking and spending time together then the next they would be fighting over pill, and money and everything really. But the one day me and my little brother were out riding our horses and he fell off dislocating his shoulder at the same time breaking the socket. When we went to the doctor they found a bubble in his socket preventing it from healing. Soon we found out he had cancer, not long after my mom was having trouble keeping normal breaths and was also diagnosed with cancer. About a month after that I found a lump on my breast only to find out that I too had cancer.” I paused remembering the time I had spent in the hospital with my family.

“Soon my mom passed away leaving the three of us, and a month later my little brother passed away leaving me and Jamie. I beat the cancer and now at the age of nineteen I was in a car accident, I crushed my leg having twenty five surgeries on it eventually getting half way to healing. Which is a plus but what isn’t is that Jamie was in the car with me and didn’t make it.” I stopped wiping away a stray tear that had fallen from my eye without my knowledge.

 I connected my eyes with zayn’s “that’s why I have that tree tattoo, to cover my cancer scar.” I started full out sobbing at the memory. I closed my eyes wrapping my arms around Spartans neck causing him to lift it.

“I don’t know what to say…” zayn said making me open my eyes sitting up I responded.

“Don’t say sorry. No pity, I don’t like it.” I laughed a bit as he sat up too we head the hooves of the other horses approaching us waking me turn my horse to face them.

“hey Lil’!” I heard Rachel call out. I grinned at her as she eyed that I was only wearing a bra and pants she gave me a questioning look laughing.

“Want to race?” I asked her with a smirk.

“I don’t think you should even be on a horse let alone race on one.”

“Oh come on don’t be a party pooper! I been sicker and still rode on a horse!”

“true.” She paused biting her lip she nodded her head. “Fine I’ll race you to the fence and back.” She grinned taking her hair down. Doing the same I handed one of the boys my hair tie. I noticed how they were all sort of just staring at me speechless. I laughed sitting up straight with my best posture, taking a deep breath I heard niall count to three. I gently kicked the side of Spartan and we were off I grabbed onto his mane considering I was riding bareback, I kicked him again softly causing him to go even feaster I bent down a bit making us go even faster as the wind blew my hair back and forth exposing and hiding my dream catcher all at once I was bouncing up and down with every step the horse took I reached the fence turning the horse back not seeing Rachel which meant she was still behind me I kicked at the horses side, faster, the wind blew in and out of my face as I neared the boys I slowed the horse. Turning him to find that Rachel was nonchalantly walking hers, I scoffed she did it again.

“You do know that when I ask to race you I mean actually race, not me going easy while you just walk your horse!” I scoffed back at her which she just replied to with a laugh. Nothing more nothing less, I turned to see the boys staring at me suddenly feeling uncomfortable.  “Err awksause!” I laughed awkwardly taking my hair tie from Louis, who just stared at me.

“Oh my god! What! Do I had mud on my face or something!?” I yelled laughing. The boys shook their heads.

“You’re just really sexy.” Harry stated making me burst out into a fit of laughter.

“Thanks, not so bad yourself!” I grinned at him earning a smirk to form on his lips. The other boys just sat there intently watching our exchange.

“Well I’m hungry so I’m going to stuff my face any one care to join me?” I asked riding back to the barn.

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