Kiss my Butt

Jerks 4 YOLO "y you no favorite?"

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12. Seriously?

Waiter: Can I take your drink order?

Me: I'm a chemist, so I will just have some H2O.

Annoying Friend: LOL, I will have some H2O too.

Waiter: Here you are gentlemen.

Me: (Sip)

Annoying Friend: (Sip)

Me: (Puts glass down)

Annoying Friend: (Agonizing death)

"H2O2: Hydrogen Peroxide" -don't drink it

 

-- Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!


-- You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

 

-- I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

 

-- The question is -- do YOU know why you pulled me over?

 

-- I was trying to keep up with traffic, and it's miles ahead of me.

 

-- If you have to ask if I've been drinking, I'm not going to tell you, dude.

 

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

~~~

 

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

"Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?"

"No."

"So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?"

"Well, the man's brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living."

~~~

Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger; the other is a fish.

 

 

 

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