Alone...Forever?

I had been waiting months for this moment to come around; for me to build up the confidence to finally face those midnight eyes. What I didn't expect, was the silence that would follow.
My entry for the Speechless competition.

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2. Nothing Changes Everything

Three Years Later 

 

January 23rd 2015

“Come on, Soph, it’s just a party.” Gemma moaned pulling on my arm and looking up at me with puppy dog eyes.

“No, Gem, you know how I feel about those kind of things.” I repeated what I had said so many times before. I couldn’t stand the idea of rejection again, so I shut myself off from all possibilities of it. Gemma was an exception. I had to talk to her, seeming as she was my roommate at university.

“You haven’t been to a single party though, Soph. You didn’t even go to the fresher’s week party! Every single person on campus who’d just started went to that party, except for you. Why? What triggered this fear of...of...socialising and just having fun?”

I could understand what Gem was saying, but knew I was right to keep myself away. I wouldn’t tell her of what happened that day to make me this way. I’d been purging it from my memory ever since it happened until all it was now was seven words.

“I just don’t feel the same way...”

I know you may think I’m exaggerating, but I don’t want to go through another stomach dropping moment like that again. Anyways, I had more important things to concentrate on than parties and boys, not that I would even if I had nothing to do.

“I have to study though, Gem. I’ve got a test on genetics on Tuesday and-“

“And nothing.” Gem cut me off, “You are going to at least one party if it’s the last thing I do. I will physically force you into a dress, tie you down whilst I do your hair and make-up and hand cuff you to me, if that’s what it takes to get you there.”

“But-“

“But nothing!” Gemma was an unstoppable force. She just all talk, she was action too. I knew that from experience, but I’ll leave that for another time.

“The biggest party of the year is next Friday,” I opened my mouth to say about a made up test or essay I had to hand in, “and before you say you have a test or essay in, I checked your diary and it said you don’t have any that week so your schedules clear.”

I groaned, dropping down onto my mattress and staring at the ceiling. In the few months we’d known each other, she already knew me too well to know I would use university as an excuse.

I’d have to find a more regular job if I wanted to make sure I would never have to go to another of these parties that Gem loved so much. 

 

I’d have to find a more regular job if I wanted to make sure I would never have to go to another of these parties that Gem loved so much.

The ceiling was spattered with numerous barely visible spots, covered by a layer of white paint that must have been applied over Christmas. The room fell into quiet, the only sound the rumble of a bus passing the window, rattling the pane and the few pens that were haphazardly arranged in a pot on the desk.

Gemma smiled to herself, taking my silence as submission to her plan.  I would regret not having lists of excuses prepared for Gemma but I knew they would also eventually be exhausted. Why did I have to be roommates with one of the most persistent people in the building?

I’d just have to wait now and hope I could avoid any attention, especially of the male kind. Even though it was around three years ago now, it still hurt and made me wonder whether anyone would think of me in that way or whether I would be the lonely spinster like I’d always joked about to my friends. 

 

“Oh! Soph,” Gemma suddenly piped up, interrupting my train of thought, “we’ll need to go shopping to get a dress and some shoes for Friday. We can’t just turn up in any old thing for this party seeming as it’s being held by some rich guy’s son that goes here.”

I rolled my eyes, flopping back down on the bed and hoping that this next week wouldn’t be as bad as I thought it probably would be. 

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