Living Without Her

Crimson Echo Dixon is now 23 years old. She was 17 when her girlfriend, Lana Jane Parks, was severely burned in a house fire and died a day later. Everyday, she thinks about her. Crimson wonders if she'll ever let Lana go.

This is Crimson's life, and it still feels like Lana is in control.

This is the sequel to "My Angel".

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9. Confessions

I don't listen to Lana. Whenever she shows up, I turn the other way. I don't talk to her when she screams. I don't freak out when she touches. She enjoys it almost, like it's a game. One night, I woke up to her stroking me, yet I didn't scream. She made me finish, but I did so in silence.

I still talk to Cassandra, asking her to officially be my girlfriend after a couple months, not wanting to take things too fast, for fear of being hurt. She understands though and is okay with it. I still haven't told her about what Lana said though.

She always shows up when Cass and I are together. She glares and knocks things over, but never tries to touch us.

 

"Crimson?" Cass whispers into my ear one night. We had fallen asleep on her couch watching some late night television show. "Do you still think about her?" I can hear the tiredness in her voice still.

"Not as much, but she does pop in my mind sometimes." I brush away a strand of her hair. It feels like silk on my fingertips. "You wouldn't believe me though."

"Believe you about what boo?" She sits and stretches her legs, then fixes the blanket that was covering us that had landed on the floor. "I'll listen to anything."

"Sometimes," I start off. I sigh. She won't believe me. "Sometimes, I see her. But it's not like in a dream, where all you see is a shadowy figure. It's actually her. She's wearing blue skinny jeans and a pink lacy tank top and black Converse. Her eyes when she isn't yelling at me are their normal color, but if she's pissed, they go black and she chokes me and pins me to walls and she hates us and wants to hurt you." I take in a deep breath. I think I just told her everything in one long breath.

"Well," Cass says.

"You don't believe me. I knew you wouldn't." I get up to leave, but she grabs my hand.

"No no. It's just not something you really hear everyday. I don't know what I really think about it." Her eyes express pure sympathy. "You still are taking your medication, right?"

Now it's my turn. "Well..."

"You need to."

"When I do, I'm high. When I'm high, I'm not actually here with you. And I want to be. You make me feel better." I kiss her hand. "C'mon, let's get you to bed." I pull her up gently and assist her to her bedroom.

"You can sleep with me tonight," Cassandra says with all innocence.

And that's all we do. Sleep.

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