Things I Can't

Warnings: self harm


3. Secrets

Laughter came from downstairs, her sister and her friends we having a grand time. Her stepmum was watching tv in the living room.

Everleigh decided to put on some music and do her schoolwork. Not 5 minutes later, her dad came knocking at her door.

"Turn it down!!" He shouted, stomping off.

She did as she was aked. Finally, the girl that was always strong, always held it all in, cracked. It came in waves. Heavy, silent sobbs that caused her whole body to shake while tears came crashing down like waterfalls. She was empty, alone. She knew what was coming and she couldnt stop it. Couldnt fight it. She was on auto pilot now. She was a robot. The silent voices that told her she was worthless, that she was no good. *ughly, fat bitch* it told her *no one loves you* it spat at her. She felt dizzy as she reached for her blades. *There you go, that a girl.. Now go to the bath so no one sees the mess you're about to make* it cooed, and she obeyed.

She stood in the shower, stripped, dragging the razor across her right thigh up at the top, over and over until she had made at least 15 cuts from side to side. She felt the burden on her heart lift a fraction as the blood ran down her leg, spilling drops like crimson rain at her feet. She repeated this on her left thigh.

*how about those wrists* the voice taunted *cover them with bracelets* it said, and she obeyed.

The razor danced across her left wrist. Once for her parents divorce, once for her step sister always treating her like shit, two more times for her stepmum and another for her dad never sticking up for her. She paused for a moment when she heard footsteps down the hall so she hurried to turn on the shower.

*More* It commanded *Remember, your worthless*

The water from the shower stung at the cuts on her thighs.

*DO IT* the voice shouted, and again, she obeyed.

Twice more on her left, one for being worthless, and the second for being alive.

*look at you, your disgusting* The voice laughed *Now the other wrist* It demanded and she did as she was told.

Seven times on the right, same as the left.

*Good girl, now clean yourself up* the voice commanded.

She showered, covered up her cuts and went to bed.

Two rows of bracelets dangled at her wrists, covering up the bandages. Today was too hot for a hoodie.

Kaci didnt say a word to her when she colleted her for school, not bc she was angry at her, but bc she knew not to bring it up when she saw the bracelets. She took Everleigh's hand as the walked into school. Kids there were mean and they knew why the quiet girls with long sleeves wore bracelets. They would stare, laugh, even shout instults.

Kaci squeezed her hand as they navigated the halls to class. Kaci was her saviour.

Saturday morning came and the cuts finally were scabbing, no need for a bandage. What could she wear to meet Harry and his friends at the airport? It was 6 am and she was searching for an outfit to wear. She decided on jean capris and a 3/4 lenght top with a light scarf and some comfy flats, and bracelets. Lots of bracelets.

She practically knocked herself and Harry over when she jumped into him. His bandmates chuckled at the potential misshap. Harry wrapped his arms around her tightly. They both were in tears.

"I'm sorry." He finally said, once they had collected their composures. "I'm being awfully rude right now. Let me introduce you to my boys." He said, his arm around her waist.

"This is Liam, Zayn and Louis." He said motioning with his hand to each boy as he spoke their name. Everleigh greeted them all.

"And this, this is Niall. The one I told you I really wanted you to meet." Harry said directing her attention to Niall, the slender blonde with the beautiful eyes. "Niall, this is my lovely friend, Everleigh."

"Hi." He said "How ya doin.?" He asked, smiling and offering his had to shake.

Oh he's Irish, that's soooo attractive, she thought, forgetting to speak.

"I'm good. Glad have my best friend home for a spell." She answered.

They all decided that Harry would pick Everleigh up later that evening for dinner and a night out.

Whilst at the bar, Harry noticed all her bracelets, he moved one to look at it closer and saw the bandage. Being the gentleman that he is, he didnt make a scene but he did ask her to come outside with him so he could make a phone call. She followed, knowing she was caught. This is not how she wanted to tell him, not at a bar, not while she was out with his friends, not in front of that cute boy named Niall and definitley not in public bc she knew she would cry.

"Harry I-" She spoke first but got cut off by Harry.

"Tell me that's not what I think it is." He pleaded.

"Harry not here, I was going to tell you. But please, not here, not with all your friends. Not in front of Niall, I really like him."

He pulled her in close and wrapped her up in his arms, burrying his face in her neck. "Tonight your staying at my house."

She nodded and they went back inside. Harry let it go. For now.

She sat down, next to Niall in the booth. He was drunk and his cologne smelled amazing.

"You really are a lovely girl." He whispered in her ear.

"I think Niall fancies your friend," Louis told Harry quitely. Harry smiled.

"Good. She deserves a good guy and I know he's been wanting find somone as well."

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