Things I Can't

Warnings: self harm


1. Family

It was a nice night for a walk, the kind of night that you could go out in a t-shirt & jeans bc it was just THAT nice out. However, Everleigh prefered to wear a hoodie, in fact, that is what she mostly wore unless it was summertime & too hot for them. Tonight, she was headed out for a walk, just to clear her head, or at least that was her excuse anytime someone asked where she was going or why. It was just easier than trying to explain what the real reason was. It was safer, and never came with a line of questions, and that's exactly how Everleigh liked it.

She shoved her ipod into the front pocket of her worn black hoodie, "I'm going out for a walk. I'll be back." She called out behind her, pulling the hood up and shoving her her headphones in her ears. As soon as she was off the porch and onto the street she pulled out her ipod and hit shuffle.

As Long As You Love Me... skip
Bad Romance... definitely skip
Breathe by Greenwheel.. *turns the volume up*

She always walked until it was almost dark & then turned back, but, tonight, she decided, she would walk a little longer. They won't even notice, she thought to herself, shaking her head. And they didn't. They NEVER did.

It was well past dark when she turned around.

At an intersection whilst waiting to cross, she pulled out her ipod again & toggled to her Ed Sheeran play list. It was the playlist she always listend to on her way back home from walks.

Waving at a car who let her cross, she jogged across to the other sidwalk.

No lights were on in the house when she got home.

No one waitng up for her. No one worrying if she made it home safe. Not one fucking person even giving a fuck at all. She sighed heavy, removing each earbud from her ears and pushing her hood back.

She slipped off her chucks and carried them both in one hand as she went upstairs to her room. That's when she realized she had left her moblie on her desk, plugged in - it had died earlier when she was texting her friend Kaci. Maybe they tried calling me, she thought, picking up her phone. No missed calls. "Figures" she said aloud tossing her phone back down. "I could be dead in a ditch & they wouldn't care."

She didnt even bother to change her clothes or even pull the covers back, she just curled up on her side, making sure to set her alarm for 6am so she could take a shower before school.

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!* her alarm on her phone screeched.

She groaned and fumbled to turn it off, reluctantly getting out of bed.

The hot shower felt so relaxing she didnt want to get out but she had to hurry bc she had already taken too long and was going to have to skip drying her hair so she could still stop and get a coffee and not be late.

She walked right past her parents & her perfect sister. The pretty sister. The one who walked on water. The sister that told her everyday that she was a loser.The Bitch. Not one of them even glanced her way as she walked thru the kitchen.

"Assholes" she murmured under her breath as she walked out the front door. She hit her elbow getting into her car.

"That'll leave a bruise." She cursed herself, rolling down the windows and driving the 2 miles (exactly) that Kaci lived from her house. Her dad needed to borrow her car since his was in the shop, so Everleigh offered to give her a ride to class until she got her car back.

"You stopped texting me last night." Kaci stated matter of factly as she fastened her seatbelt.
"I know. I'm sorry. My phone died and I went straight to bed after my walk."
"It's ok. I'm just giving you a hard time." Kaci smiled, nudging her with her shoulder.

The rest of the 10 min drive to school was filled with Kaci explaining how her little brother used her entire bottle of glow-in-the-dark nail polish to do his science project about the constellations and how her mom burnt the bacon this morning, and her dad forgetting the sugar in his coffee and spitting it out in the sink.

This is why Everleigh loved her bestfriend so much. Her family was normal. They actually cared. Sometimes when Kaci told her stories about stuff that went on, she would close her eyes (obviously not whilst driving) and pretend for a second that it was her family. That she was loved.

"Ohhh!! I almost forgot." Kaci exclaimed. "You got a letter." She handed the envelope to her. Everleigh got all her mail sent to Kaci's house and Kaci's parents didn't mind.
She immediatley recognized the handwritting. It was her other bestfriend, Harry. They have known eachother since grade 1 and were basically like brother and sister.

She smiled eventhough she knew she wouldnt be able to write back, he was overseas on tour.

"I'll text him tonight to let him know i got his letter." She said stuffing envelope into her backpack and headed to class. She decided she wanted to wait until after school to read Harry's letter, when she could go for a walk and maybe sit by the creek, the one that she and Harry used to set and talk about anything and everything. He was her best, best friend. I mean, she loved Kaci to pieces but she had known Harry for much longer and she told him everything. Well... almost everthing. He didnt know her biggest secret, the one she wouldnt have even told Kaci, but she had had no choice there.
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