New Findings (Book 1)

Rosalin , a normal teenage girl from Flordia, applies to the music school of her dreams in the UK. Will she be accepted to the school of her dreams... Is it all what it seems? Who will she meet? What will happen to her that changes everything.Read to find out!

Directioner.One Direction Fan Fiction <3

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34. Back to the Older Days.

Rosalin P.O.V

     The last couple days have been a bit crazy. Eleanor is pregnant, Ella is trying to walk. We are going to America soon!!! It would be nice to go home for a little while.

     Ella was sitting in my lap giggling when the boys came on the bus. Eleanor was sleeping, she seemed to do that a lot lately. "We have a surpise gig in Ireland!" Niall said sitting next me, kissing my cheek and taking Ella. "What does that mean?" I asked quite confused, "It means we have to do a show in Ireland before we head to America." Liam said tossing his coat in a nearby chair. I made an 'O' shape whith my mouth and nodded. "Um, where is Ele?" Louis asked me, "Sleeping, when did you last talk to her?" He shrugged, "This morning?" He sounded not so sure. "Is everything okay?" I asked standing up. "I think so, we worked everything out. I just over reacted. I scared meself.." He laughed and walked back to where Eleanor was.

     I got a bottle of water from the kicthen everyone elase went to the back of the bus or outside, leaving Harry and I inside. "You okay Rosalin?" Harry asked me. I nodded, "Perfect, Why?" Harry looked me up and down and shook his head. "Uhh no reason." I sighed. "Stop lying. What's on your mind?" I shook his shoulders. "Harold. what is your problem?" He sighed. "You just look kinda.. bloated?" I looked at me slightly. I sighed, "Are you calling me fat?" He shook his head, "NO!! Not such a thing.. Just you look different." I sighed. "Thats somthing called after birth baby weight.." He nodded, " Oh. Sorry, I.. I.. I didnt know.." It hurt me. He thought I was fat... I was always self conscious about my body. Now I feel worse than before. "You know.. I-It's F-Fine.." I said trailing off and walking past Harry. He went to say somthing but I was already gone.

     I went into the bathroom and locked the door.. I examined myself in the mirror. I look terrible... I can fit into my old clothes, but they were really tight. I began to cry. Harry pointed this out to me now. I never noticed till just now, I was ugly. I sighed and grabbed the razor, I didn't know what else to do... No one can help me with this. I pulled the razor to my wrist and slid it across my skin. Blood slowing appearing. I forgot the relief and how good it felt to cut again. All my pain disapered. I made a few more cuts.. well alot more cuts before grabing a white warsh cloth and making the blood stop. I wasn't crying anymore, I was calm. There was a knock on the door, it was Niall. "Rosalin! It's almost dinner time. People need the bathroom you've been in there for hours." I looked at the clock in the bathroom 6:00 p.m. I was shocked at the time. "Okay! I'm coming!! I need to change first." Niall walked away and I made sure no one was around the door when I opened it. I rushed to the little room with all the clothes in it and grabbed a long sweater. I slid it on after the blood stoped and walked out and joined the others.

     Niall smiled when he saw me. "What took so lonng babe?" Niall asked putting an arm around me. "I was just thinking about some things." I fake smiled and looked down holding m cut wrist close to me. almost protecting. Harry was looking at me. I looked away. He had to know what happen. He caused it. "So where is Ella and Eleanor?" Louis walked in with Eleanor and she had Ella. "Hey everyone!!!" Eleanor smiled, I smiled at her. "Ella has been such a doll!!!" Eleanor said handing me Ella. I smiled. "Like always!" I rubbed my nose with hers and she giggled. I layed Ella in my arms and she fell asleep quickly.

     We all gathered around waiting for the food, "Eleanor? How you feeling?" I asked and everyone listening, "Pretty good actually." She smiled. "Just peeing a lot... and always hungry.. like Niall!!!" Everyone laughed. "I'll give you tips!" Niall winked and I laughed. Zayn came through the bus doors with food. I got up and took Ella to Niall's bunk. I walked in and my food was sitting there. I didn't wanna eat. I was hungry, just didn't wanna eat. "Niall you can have mine. I am not hungry," Niall looked at me weird. " You have not ate all day.. you've locked yourself in the bathroom with no food. You have to be hungry. Eat." I shook my head. "I took a break from the bathroom and ate a few samwiches." Harry shook his head. "No you didnt! Stop lying Rosalin, just eat." Everyone looked at Harry who seemed mad and me who seemed depressed. "Everything okay?" Liam whispered handing me food. "I guess." I weakly smiled. I sat next to Niall and ate slowly. When all my food was gone, I felt bad. I felt fat and wothless. Like I have done somthing bad.

     I feel like I need to get rid of this junk. "I'm gonna go change.." I got up quickly and went to the bathroom instead. I got there and closed the door and locked it. I went over the the toilet, put my fingers in my mouth and threw up everything I ate. I couldn't take being 'Fat' no one likes an over weight girl. I left the bathrrom and went back to the sitting area. "Rosalin? You are wearing the same clothes." Zayn pointed out, "Yeah I know. I felt fine with what I was wearing." I shrugged and everyone nodded. Eleanor looked at me and sat by me. "Everything okay babe?" She asked. I nodded and fake smiled. "Perfect!!" Niall looked at me, he much remember what I told him at the start of tour with my eating disorder. I recovered then, but it's easy to start again. I never told him about cutting.

Ella was still sleeping by time I went to sleep. This is gonna be an emotional roller coaster...

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