Never Heard Silence Quite This Loud.

A piece for the Silence & Secrets and the Second Poetry competitions. A poem from personal experience. I was bullied as a kid because I was chubby. All my life it bothered me but now instead of remembering the past I just try to change the futur by standing up for everyone. I used to be so afraid to stand up for myself but now I dont even understand what I was afraid of. This poem is about how I used to feel.

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1. Blankets

 

I sat there pretending.

I sat there pretending that

what they were saying was

meant as a compliment.

That when they said

H e a l t h y  L u n c h  Y o u  H a v e  T h e r e  F a t t y,

it wasn't sarcastic, that they actually

mean't it. They didn't.

"WHY DON'T YOU GO EAT ANOTHER PIECE OF CAKE??"

"ARE YOU GONNA EAT ME??"

I avoided contact with people

I sat. I sat alone.

 

I was sick one day from school and the rumors spread,

"She called in sick because she ate too many chocolate bars! heehee"

"I bet she's sitting on the couch eating pure lard."

"I bet her parents run out of food every five seconds!! hahaa"

It wasn't funny. Yet, they thought it was.

 

I teared up.

Everyone laughed.

I cried.

Everyone laughed.

I bawled.

Everyone laughed louder.

 

I got home and went straight to my room,

my comfort zone. My safe bubble.

Where kids couldn't call me,

Fatty.

Tubby.

Bitch.

 

I was so sick of it, that

I started to believe them.

I was ugly. I was fat. I was God's mistake.

All I had was my family and

my blankets where I could relax and

forget the world,

forget school,

forget bullies.

 

I was terrified that they would

beat me up or worse.

They threatened. I got scared.

I ran. I ran. I ran.

I skipped sport practices

because people said I was

to round to play any good.

 

The laughs followed me everywhere.

Yes, I was chunky. I HATED IT.

I hated myself when I ate a cookie.

I hated myself when I drank a pop.

I hated myself.

So I tryed to starve myself.

I tryed to puke up everything.

I considered cutting.

I became the exact opposite

of who I wanted to be.

 

Today I'm no longer that girl.

I'm the one who stands up

to honor another peoples

respect and dignity.

I'm not afraid of telling off bullies.

I'm not afraid to ask for help.

I'm not afraid of myself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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