I sat there pretending.
I sat there pretending that
what they were saying was
meant as a compliment.
That when they said
H e a l t h y L u n c h Y o u H a v e T h e r e F a t t y,
it wasn't sarcastic, that they actually
mean't it. They didn't.
"WHY DON'T YOU GO EAT ANOTHER PIECE OF CAKE??"
"ARE YOU GONNA EAT ME??"
I avoided contact with people
I sat. I sat alone.
I was sick one day from school and the rumors spread,
"She called in sick because she ate too many chocolate bars! heehee"
"I bet she's sitting on the couch eating pure lard."
"I bet her parents run out of food every five seconds!! hahaa"
It wasn't funny. Yet, they thought it was.
I teared up.
Everyone laughed.
I cried.
Everyone laughed.
I bawled.
Everyone laughed louder.
I got home and went straight to my room,
my comfort zone. My safe bubble.
Where kids couldn't call me,
Fatty.
Tubby.
Bitch.
I was so sick of it, that
I started to believe them.
I was ugly. I was fat. I was God's mistake.
All I had was my family and
my blankets where I could relax and
forget the world,
forget school,
forget bullies.
I was terrified that they would
beat me up or worse.
They threatened. I got scared.
I ran. I ran. I ran.
I skipped sport practices
because people said I was
to round to play any good.
The laughs followed me everywhere.
Yes, I was chunky. I HATED IT.
I hated myself when I ate a cookie.
I hated myself when I drank a pop.
I hated myself.
So I tryed to starve myself.
I tryed to puke up everything.
I considered cutting.
I became the exact opposite
of who I wanted to be.
Today I'm no longer that girl.
I'm the one who stands up
to honor another peoples
respect and dignity.
I'm not afraid of telling off bullies.
I'm not afraid to ask for help.
I'm not afraid of myself.
