Orthorexia: How She Changed My Life

I'm Xanthe Freed and I'm another teenager with a secret. Mine is bigger than most. It's not relevant to boys, it's not relevant to bitches. I'm just a girl with a problem- and that problem is Orthorexia Nervosa.
I'm Xanthe Freed and this is my story.


2. Today in Summary

Today in my counselling session, we discussed the usual: how things are and what I've been eating. But we also discussed how my Orthorexia came about. And to be quite honest, I'm not quite sure.

Fast food and processed junk was never something that appealed to me. Sure, I ate it and enjoyed it when I was younger, and all in moderation when I was an early teen, but after watching a few too many late night programmes on what exactly goes into burgers and other such things, I just stopped eating them all together. The programmes really out me off processed food completely. 

However, my Orthorexia didn't fully start until I was 15. Being left alone to my own devices with only myself and Gretchen to think about, I started getting into cooking. I spent hours pouring over recipe books, finding the best produce and best recipes. Eventually, being a teenager, I started thinking about my weight, and started cutting out and substituting certain food. I only ate brown rice, and even that was a push. Carbs were a minimum intake. I completely cut out pasta unless it was homemade, and bread was out the window too unless it was brown, wholemeal or covered in seeds. I started drinking diet drinks. I put beans and other pulses into all of my cooking, under the impression that I was going to feel better within myself because of it. Soon enough, my Orthorexia was fully blown, and barely a minute passed that I didn't think about what I was putting into my body. There isn't an exact point in my memory where I can confidently say, 'yes, that's when it started', because everything contributed to it in one way or another.

Julia found my story interesting, but didn't say that she was surprised by it. I guess I'm not the only girl she's spoken to who has no idea how things got so bad so quickly.

We touched on my bingeing and purging too, but we're going into it in more detail next time. Bingeing and purging falls under a whole different spectrum to Orthorexia, and ordinarily, they don't mix. Looks like I'm an exception.

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