Just a collection of various stories I began with no intention to finish, or answers to writing prompts. Enjoy! Please visit my author page on FB! Also note, some of these may be removed later if I feel the urge to expand on them!


45. A Sample of Work


          There is a client where I work. We'll call him Ioann. I'm not sure what his diagnosis is, but he repeats nearly everything that is said to him. We're not sure if this is required as part of his understanding, but he tends to do it with nearly everything. He also shakes hands while he speaks, but this is perfectly okay. As you can imagine, not many intense conversations happen this way, but I enjoy his company anyway.
          English is not Ioann's first language as you may have guessed. He was born in Moscow, Russia, and his parents put him into the program when he turned 18. So he has a bit of an issue with pronunciation. "Yes, please" becomes "Yesh, puhrees." Today my coworker - let's call him Tony - wanted to make sure Ioann had washed his hands after using the bathroom. As per usual, Ioann came back in and let us know.
          "I am done going pee," he announced, extending his hand for someone to shake.
          "You washed your hands, right?" Tony asked.
          "Yeys," Ioann replied with a up tone indicating he was going to finish with "puhrees," but Tony interuppted him.
          "You didn't play with yourself did you?"
          "Yo didn' puray wit yoshel?" Ioann repeated, indicating he was unsure what Tony meant.
          "I hope not," Tony replied. "That's nasty."
          Ioann went to sit next to Tony, which was his seat before he left to use the restroom. "Yo didn' puray wit yoshel? No. Jaat's nashty." Ioann replied.
          "What the hell are you talking about?" I asked with a chuckle.
          "I just wanted to make sure he was clean," Tony replied with his usual grin that meant he was having too much fun.
          Another client - we'll call her Lacey - is about 70 years old and has slight dementia. Today she wasn't feeling very good, so after lunch she began to get very upset and start saying she didn't want to do anything. The poor girl was so upset, at this point she stood up and walked over to Cymone, another coworker on the other side of the room and waggled her finger at her and started snapping.
          "I don' wan' you to hit me ever again!" Lacey said sternly, stamping her feet. Cymone and Tony blinked.
          "Lacey, I never hit you!" Cymone said, surprised and amused.
          "I don' wan' to do anything ever! I don' wan' to get mawwied! I don' wan' to go to bed!"
          "Lacey!" I couldn't keep from giggling a little. She was so cute, even when she was in a horrible mood. "You don't have to get married, it's ok."
          "Yo' don' have to get married?" Ioann repeated, extending his hand for Tony to shake. Tony laughed and shook Ioann's hand.
          "I don' wan' to do anything in the whole wide world!" Lacey exclaimed, crossing her hands as she sat back in the chair next to me. "I don' wan' to do anything in the whole United States of Amewica!"
          "Okay, Lacey," I said, patting her shoulders. "You don't have to."
          This seemed to calm her down a bit. Tony began to chat with Ioann about boobs for some reason and Ioann simply repeated everything Tony said. When the conversation lead to spaghetti, which I don't really know how it did, Tony started laughing.
          "How do boobs relate to spaghetti?" I asked.
          "Ho' doh byuubs rerate to shpeghetti?" Ioann repeated.
          One of the house managers had come to pick up another client and walked into the room we were in to find her. The next thing that happened had me laughing for hours.
          "Hi, Lacey!" he said, waving.
          Lacey stood up, stomped over to him, pointed her finger at him and said: "I don' wan' you! I don' wan' to do anything! I don' wan' to go to bed! I don' wanna do anything in the whole United States of Amewica!"
          Tony, me, Cymone, and the house manager blinked a few times. Another coworker named Kammy peered in and asked "What did you do to set her off?"
          The house manager blinked again. "Nothing!"
          Tony, Cymone, and I broke into laughter.
          Another client, Harriet, rolls around in a wheelchair and sticks her tongue out a lot. Her favorite thing to do is read phone books and make a "pbbt" sound with her tongue as she reads. When she's angry she bangs her fist on the arm of her wheelchair, then asks "Please?" at the thing that is making her angry. Today she was in a rather good mood, contrasting Lacey, so after Lacey had calmed down a little, Harriet rolled into our room with a book about cats (her favorite book at the program) and began to read it at the table against the wall.
          Another coworker, Kimmy (Yes, Kammy and Kimmy - they are good friends) and her really get along. Kimmy is always asking Harriet if she wants a knuckle sandwich with cheese. This always makes Harriet laugh, so it's a back and forth joke they have going. Today, however, Harriet greeted Kimmy with a "Your mother is a bulldog!" This in itself was hilarious enough, but the situation was made even more hilarious with Kimmy's answer.
          "Oh yeah? Well, your mother is a white goat!"
          I'm still giggling about this line as I write this. Sometimes I think my job should be a reality TV show. At least then there would be something entertaining on television!


          I had drawn a picture of a feline knight in armor earlier that morning. It wasn't much - just a doodle. It was sitting on the table when Lisa came in. My coworker was already there, so Lisa was happy to see us and began to sing to the songs on the CD. The kid songs were really popular with the clients, especially Lisa. She would often sing along to her favorite song "How much is that doggy in the window?"
          My coworker, Caroline, who I had become very good friends with happened to be sitting across the table when Lisa came in. With a huge grin on her face, Lisa began to work on a simple puzzle while singing along.
          Caroline was very good at coming up with crafts. Today she thought of using old sponges to make stamps.
          "I have some old sponges I could bring in," she offered.
          Before I could reply, Lisa had something to say.
          "I heyv some owd sponges I could bwing in," she repeated.
          "Oh, you do?" I asked her, grinning.
          "Ya, and I heyv a cat, thoo," she replied, smiling.
          "What's the cat's name?" I asked her, wondering what she would say. Every time I asked her this, she came up with another silly name.
          "Sponges," she replied, pointing to my doodle. I had forgotten it was there.
          I laughed. "Is that the cat's name?" I asked, indicating my doodle.
          "Ya, an' he's heyvy duty," Lisa added.
          "Heavy duty!" I couldn't stop laughing. "He's heavy duty alright!"

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