400 Days With and Without You... * Harry Styles * spin off; 99 Days Without You

They told me to write it all down. Write what i felt, a journal, thats what they called it. I could call it many things. Painful. Agonizing. Unnecessary. Cruel. I could have just called it, 'Remembering Ana'... yet, I knew what to call it... 'With and Without You'. I couldn't write though, not without the memories flooding back. So I tried. I remembered. I remembered everything there was to know. Her. Me. Us. Love. Laughter. Fights. Smiles. Tears... But her most of all. It was full with her. She was everything.
It was all too much. 400 Days. It wasn't enough. It was all too short. Bitter-sweet... That's how they describe love... Sweet, yes, pure bliss... Unlike anything I'd felt before she stormed into my life... But it wasn't bitter. How could I feel bitter? I was numb. She'd taken it all away. My love. My life. So, I decided I would write it all down, store it away in this book for everyone to see.
And dear Ana, I can't handle it any more. These are my 400 Days, With and Without You.


1. Prologue

Sept. 20, 2013

Dear Ana,
I've decided to write to you... I hope that's okay. I'm so sorry Ana... Everything, it's my fault. I should have helped... I should have known... But you know that... You know it's my fault. So do I. So do the lads... We all know, I just - I don't want to believe you're gone. That's the first time I've ever tried to use those words... Gone... It doesn't sound right, it sounds foul beside your name. You've been gone a month now. We didn't even go out for pints on Niall's birthday... Not even Louis could muster up the energy to plaster a smile on his face.
I miss you, did you know that? I cry a lot. The boys don't really know what to do with me anymore. I know what you would do... Tell me to get my lazy bum out of bed. Tell me that the day is wasting and that there's so much you can fit in to a day. Then, you would kiss me, and I would take all of it for granted, not knowing that our days together were numbered... Did you know? Did you know all along? It hurts Ana... I just can't motivate myself to do anything anymore. I can't even eat. Louis says I've lost weight, but I don't care... I only want you here, with me, in my arms.
I remember a song I heard a while back... One More Day, have you ever heard it? It's about having one whole day with the person you love. One who'd been taken from you. If I had one more day with you Ana, I'd cherish it forever... But I think in the end it would just make it harder to let you go. I still haven't let you go.
I think I'm scaring the boys, they're so overprotective... I don't know how I'm supposed to talk to you when they're there... Whenever I try, they give me funny looks. Like I'm crazy, but I'm not crazy. I'm crazy in love. Did I ever tell you that? That I love you? I do believe I told you everyday... I can't really remember, and it scares me. What if I forget you Ana? What if i forget the way your laugh sounded? The little snort you gave when you giggled. I miss that, your sweet, infectious laugh. I miss your kisses, your eyes... The way they always had a certain mischievous sparkle. You and Lou, always up to no good... What if I forget you? My Ana? The sweet, floral scent of your shampoo, forever lingering in your pillow. I cuddle with your pillow at night, sometimes it keeps away the nightmares... I just picture you curled up into my chest, snoring quietly... and then sometimes I can pretend I'm okay. Did you know that you snored? I thought it was cute, so I didn't tell you... You'd mock me for it.
I love you my Ana, I miss you... I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of my life without you... Truthfully, Ana I don't think I can. It's scares me. My life without you. It's empty. Am I being cheesy? You always liked to erase me about that... But every girl deserves what they see in the movies. You know, those chick flicks? Dreamy boys, chocolates, flowers, anonymous gifts, you deserved all of that. Why wouldn't you let me spoil you? I wish you would have... I miss making you blush.
I miss you.
Forever and Always.
Harry. xx
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