Don't Read This

What you are about to read contains my deepest darkest secrets and my wildest fantasies. If you read through my diary, you are taking the risk to venture in the darkest places of my mind that nobody has ever dared to go. Everything in here I have experienced and felt that they were very important. Some of these things may not seem as important to you but mean the world to me. Enjoy and beware.

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1. Wednesday January 30, 2013

      I'm only thinking about him and yet my heart is beating like I am standing right beside him or something. I don't even really know him but I feel like I'm in love. I just happened to catch sight of him with my wandering eyes the first week of school. His locker was not to far from mine, just a row away. He's extremely cute but he is a grade above me. He is in my Period seven classes so I get to see him every now and then. Today I had to talk to him. When I did, his eyes sent shivers all throughout me, I almost lost my words. I did not choke, I said what I needed to say and he smiled and replied with something that I was too awestruck to hear. 

     This all started when i had mentioned to a friend that I thought this boy was cute. This friend of mine agreed. Without giving me the slightest mention in her decision, She told the friend of the cute boy what I had said. The friend went up to the boy a day's time later and told him this and  came up with the lie that I had fallen in love with him. The two friends started harassing the boy with these lies and pushing him to talk to me. It got to the point where the cute boy had thought of me to be just as crazy and obsessive as my friend. After weeks of this crazy behavior, my friend finally let me in on what she had been doing. I, being caught off guard and surprised, immediately told her to stop and leave the boy alone. She told me she was sorry and that she would. Little did I know that she didn't stop at all and instead got worse. When I found out about this, I instantly began to feel bad for this boy who's name I could not remember. So after an entire period of getting my thoughts together and building up the courage, I decided to finally go up and apologize to him. 

     At the end of the school day as I walked to my locker, I spotted the boy at his locker. I lost my courage at the sight of him, I almost didn't do it. But something made me change my mind and I walked up to him saying.

"Hey um Dylan, can I talk to you for a second?"

He had his headphones in and was listening to music. He turned the opposite way thinking I was there, but then turned to me. He smiled a bit and waited for me to begin speaking. I remained silent and locked my eyes onto his. I stood there for a few moments trying to retrieve the words that his smile had stolen from me.

"So um, my friend Giana, she's crazy. And um, I just found out that she was, uh, bugging you lately. She said all those things and I, I don't even know who you are. So I'm sorry." 

Dylan smiled and kept his eyes on mine. "No, it's okay." he replied with the slightest shake of his head.

I stood there looking at him for a few seconds then smiled and bid my goodbyes before walking away.

 

     Since then I think my feelings I feel for him have gotten deeper. I can't help to wonder if he feels the same. Does he think I'm pretty? Does he still think I am weird? Something inside me thinks he does, but maybe he doesn't. I guess I will never know until he comes up to me and tells me himself. Till then I will keep my distance and wait. 

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