When "Hello" Isn't Enough

my friend wanted me to post her story, too, so...
original: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/363240


8. What's It Like To Have Friends?


~Haneul's POV~

I don't know how to feel right now. I did always want someone to talk to me and see my pain, but now that someone has, I'm afraid to tell them. What if Oppa finds out that I told on him? I can't even imagine what he would do. But part of me doesn't care. It just wants to shout it out to the world.

After the lunch bell rang, I made my way up to the roof again. It was snowing, but I didn't care. I drew happy stick figure families in the snow. Like the family I wish I had.

"Can I just die already?" I said to myself. "Why should I even keep trying?"

I stood up and walked over to the ledge. It'll only hurt for a few seconds and then I'd be gone. I climbed up onto the ledge and looked down. It was a high drop whose end met with the concrete sidewalk below.

I tried to move my feet, but I couldn't. The next thing I knew, I was back on the roof.

"I'm such a coward..." I mumbled. I sat down and leaned against the wall. I closed my eyes and felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"Haneul? Are you okay?" A quiet voice worried. I looked up and saw Siwoo standing ten feet away. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm not," I lied. "I just got something in my eye."

My heart started racing. We were all alone up here and there was no one to help if he did something.

He sat down where he was. I was relieved that he didn't come closer, but that won't change the fact that he could still move.

"Aren't you cold?" He wondered.

"A little, but it doesn't bother me," I answered.

He shifted around and I could tell he was uncomfortable. "Do you come up here everyday?"

I nodded.

"Don't you get lonely?"

"What's with all the questions?"

"I just wanted to get to know you. Sorry if I'm bothering you," he sighed. "I'll leave."

"No, i-it's okay. You can stay," I said as he was walking away. He stopped and gave me a weird look. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just that no one has ever asked me to sit with them before."

I wasn't so afraid like before, but I was still hesitant. I really hate having these conflicting emotions. I want to stay away from him, but I kind of feel bad for him. I want to talk to him, but I'm afraid he might hurt me.

He sat back down, a little closer this time. He kept his gaze down on his hands. I don't know why. It's not like he has anything to worry about.

"So how do you like the school so far?" He asked.

"It's alright, I guess," I replied. "Most of the people don't seem too friendly."

"Yeah, I already know that."

"I'm sure your friends must be nice, though," I added.

"Uh, yeah. They are."

"What is it like? To have friends?" I wondered.

He thought a bit before answering. "Honestly, I don't know how to explain it."

"Oh... Can you tell me about your friends?"

"Now who's the one with all the questions?" He joked.

"Just tell me what they're like."

"Uh, well most of the time, they're really nice," he said. "But sometimes they can be a little mean."

"Like how those two guys were mean to you the other day?" I wondered.

"They're not that mean," he stated. That question seemed to upset him a little, but I didn't want to ask him about it.

"We should go now. The bell's about to ring," I said and started gathering my things. It was a little difficult since the cut on my stomach wasn't healed yet.

Siwoo and I walked down the stairs and headed back to class.

"Are you doing anything later?" He asked.

"No, I don't think so. Why?"

"I was wondering if maybe you wanted to hang out for a while. It's okay if you don't want to."

I obviously wouldn't be able to go since Oppa would most likely skin me alive. "I would love to, but my family is really strict. They don't really let me go anywhere."

"What if you sneak out?" He suggested.

I've never snuck out before, but then again, I've never thought about it, either. Maybe I could, but what if I get caught? 

"I could try to," I responded. Why did I say that?

He smiled. "If you can, here's where you can meet me," he said and wrote an address on a piece of paper. I haven't seen him smile like that before.

"Okay," I nodded. "I'll try to get there."

~Siwoo's POV~

"Ray!" I yelled as I ran towards him. "I need your help!"

"Ugh, what did you do this time?" He sighed.

"I didn't do anything, but I need to borrow some money."

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. "No, I won't give you any. I know what you're going to do with it."

"I'm not getting drugs, I swear!" I assured. "You know Haneul?"

"Yeah, why?"

"We're hanging out later and I need money."

His expression didn't change. "I still don't trust you."

"You can come along, just to make sure," I sighed. "Do you trust me now?"

"Not fully, but I'll go. If I see you go into ONE dark alley or wherever you get that stuff, I'm locking you away forever," he teased. That's what I love about Ray. He reminds me of so much of Umma.

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