The Day I Died

When J.T Lloyd dies in a car crash, he meets the mysterious Summer. Summer makes him feel more alive than he has ever felt. But life after death brings about a new twist for J.T. A twist Summer might not be able to help with.


3. Chapter 3

The next couple of weeks were amazing and horrifying at the same time. It was amazing when me and Summer were alone, it took me only a couple of days to truly fall in love with her. However it did take Summer a little longer. Mainly because of her trust issues after her last jerk boyfriend. But she was I could see it in her eyes each time she looked at me. She was finally happy. I was happy.

       Until the real world kicked in. till mum or dad or Annie or Tammy or Dan started mourning. We decided it would be best for us to just stay in the graveyard and then go and visit people occasionally. We often just stayed at this bench. Occasionally we would see other afterlife people but only quickly they soon go into the light. I started to question Summer about ever going into the light. She was adamant that she wouldn’t. I also started to question her about her baby. Weather it was alive, weather she ever visited it, it’s name you know all the basic questions you would ask. She refused to tell me anything so I tried not to push but I was curious. I wanted to know what happened. But by the end of our first month together I knew nothing more.

         In the first month after my death things were intense in the real world. I never realised how much my death would affect people. My mum became depressed, she suddenly started living on prescribed medication and forgot that even though I was dead she still had to be a mum. My dad started to become an alcoholic, he was down at the pub every night coming home drunk of coarse my mum was so high on happy pills she didn’t care. But my sister Annie minded. She stopped speaking, she became completely mute at first mum started taking her to a couple of doctors to try to get her to speak but nothing worked. She also hadn’t smiled since my death. She watched her parents ruin there life and she didn’t even get her big brother there to help her. My family had become a train wreck.

       But it wasn’t just my family that were effected at school I had this massive assembly to say goodbye to me. I had a memorial plague and all. Of coarse Tammy and Dan missed the assembly. Since I died they hadn’t spoken to each other. They broke up by text. They both felt guilty and they both had very different ways of dealing with the pain. Tammy’s way, Go emo. She died her beautiful long blonde hair black and cut it real short all over. Started wearing black all the time. Quit Cheerleading. Left all her friends to hang out by herself. She even started slitting her wrists. But she wasn’t emo all the time. Sometimes she’d wake up and be really bubbly. Sometimes she’d wake up emo. And whenever anyone asked her how she was coping with my death she pretended she’d forgotten who I was.

        Her crazy psycho tendencies increased significantly too. She was 10000 times more scary than when I was alive. Summer was the first one to notice she was actually crazy I just thought she was weird and a bitch. But Summer thought different she proposed we follow her home one night. We found it allout. She lives in this mansion but her dad doesn’t live there with her and her mum died. After her mum’s death her dad left her in this mansion he moved out and left her with a cleaner. The cleaner was to make sure she didn’t kill herself basically. Although her dad left her all alone in this mansion she still calls him every night to ask him when he’s coming home from “Business” he often responds in the same way.
“As long as I possibly can, it’ll help me get away from you.” Tammy took this as a joke. But I knew that she just didn’t want to face the truth. And the truth was her mum was dead, her dad hated her and abandoned her, she blamed her self for her ex boyfriends death and she was clinically mental.

       I felt bad for Tammy. If I had have known the truth when I was alive I would have helped her, I wouldn‘t have dumped her. But now no one could help her because no one knew. And Tammy needed help more than anything. Now the only people that really knew about her were dead. My death really didn’t help Tammy at all her denial got bigger and bigger which made her crazier and crazier.

        Dan on the other hand coped in a very different way. Letting it out. He came to my grave every night after school to ‘talk to me’. Every time he came her left in tears, most of the time he just came to apologize. He kept begging me to show him some sort of sign that I forgive him. I tried I really did because at this point I really didn’t blame Dan. But I couldn’t show him a sign. Summer tried but he wouldn’t recognize them. I cried too when Dan visited. He was more open and honest with me than he had been when I was alive. He told me how he kept trying to tell his parents he was gay but he backed out at the last second. And how he didn’t want to tell them because it would crush his mums dreams of grandchildren and how his dad wouldn’t have the football playing son he wanted.

          He told me about what was going on even though I already knew. He told me how he was starting to feel stronger about Sam than just a crush, How he thought he was in love with Sam. He told me how hard it was to be around him without being able to tell him. He told me he missed me. But the worst part was he gave up. He gave up on our friendship. He thought I could never forgive him. He thought that I hated him for “stealing” Tammy. He gave up on himself.

        It was killing me to watch him make these confessions without being able to do anything about it. Summer could see that it bothered me to watch my former life cope without me. She kept begging me to go into the light but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I didn’t want to leave Summer. I loved her. But it felt like I was having a knife jabbed into me every time I watched mum get high or dad get drunk or every time I saw Annie frown or every time I saw Dan at my grave or every time Tammy did something insane. But I figured they’d get over it eventually. My death couldn’t haunt them forever. There was one point where I really felt like giving up. It started like any other day me and Summer sitting at our bench played “Never have I ever”.

“Never have I ever slept with Tammy Marks?” She looked at me nervously. I laughed

“Seriously!? Are you THAT jealous? Plus I’m dead she’s alive I couldn’t have an affair with her even if I wanted too!” I joked. She opened her mouth appalled but laughing at the same time!

“Your so full of yourself James Thomas Lloyd! I am not jealous! I just wanted to know if you did sleep with her, It would make me feel better if I wasn’t the only slut in the room”

“Tough luck I didn’t sleep with her.”

“Why?” I wasn’t sure whether or not to tell the truth for that one but then I looked into her silver eyes and knew I couldn’t lie to her.

“I was scared” She burst out laughing then pushed my arm playfully.

“Shut up! Don’t lie to me”

“I’m not” I say gently. She looks at me confused

“You’re not kidding, you seriously afraid of having sex with her?”

“It wasn’t the sex that scared me I was scared of….” I decided not to finish. We looked at each other awkwardly.

“You were afraid of getting her pregnant” Summer said quietly. I nodded slightly looking at her nervously.

“Wish Eric was like that” She whispered. Suddenly I got up and ran over to my grave. Dan had walked threw the gate. Summer followed me. Then I noticed it. Dan’s black eye. It shocked me. Dan was the least violent person I had ever met there was no way he could have been in a fight. Then I noticed the bruises and scars all over the rest of his body.

“Hey man.” Dan said quietly. “Your properly wondering how I got the black eye and the bruises and the scars and the cuts. Well it’s a long story really. No it’s not. Why am I lying to a concrete slab. They found out. They all did. It was my own fault. Just like everything is. I couldn’t keep it in any longer. Sam. We were…we were study partners for a history project. We were working late at my house one night. I guess it was the heat of the moment but I started to think he might like me back. And before you know it I… I… I kissed him.

        I didn’t mean to do it. I honestly didn’t. But the craziest thing was for a split second he kissed me back. I know he liked me too. You’d properly say I’m just kidding myself and maybe I am but I felt him kiss me back. It only lasted a couple of seconds then he stopped, slapped me and ran out of the house. He told the whole school. Needless to say they weren’t very excepting. Especially the football team. He told them. They planned it. They got the coach to kick me off the team then they trapped me in the locker room and beat me up for Sam.

        But Sam wasn’t there I guess he couldn’t watch or something. But they all know. Which means it’s only one step till my parents know. I skipped school today told mum and dad I was sick. There at work so I came to see you early today. Look it’s a sign that I’m getting what I deserve for killing you. I know it’s too big of an ask but please, please I beg of you please forgive me. I know you can’t. But if there even the slightest chance that you maybe could then PLEASE send me a sign”

       Dan screamed the last bit. He burst into tears which was properly killing him with his black eye. He kept mumbling “Please, please you have to forgive me please” I really desperately wanted to send him a message but I couldn’t. I simply couldn’t. Summer came up behind me and hugged my shoulders. I realised I was crying. Dan ran off. I really thought about giving up that day. I couldn’t stand to watch the pain Dan was putting himself in over my death. I didn’t though. I loved Summer too much.

       Things didn’t get any better in the next couples of months for Dan. He kept coming to my grave with more and more bruises. The guys at school were either afraid of Sam or afraid of people thinking they were gay too. The girls were upset, A lot of girls flirted with Dan often, Of coarse he would always let them down easily with the excuse that they “Weren’t his type” Now they realised what he really meant. He really kept trying to tell his parents but it got harder and harder because more and more different possible reactions kept coming.

        The only progress he made was telling his brother Luke. Luke didn’t care infact he tried to take him to a gay bar, He refused said he wasn’t ready. Don’t get me wrong Luke is far from gay infact he’s engaged and in love with his girlfriend Chelsea. He just loves his brother too and would do anything to help him and that was what he thought would help Dan. I desperately wanted to tell Dan it was Okay and that I forgive him but I couldn’t the harder I tried the less I could do it. But as bad as things were for Dan, Tammy was worse. She kept calling her dad, he kept ignoring her. But one day he listened, not to her though to her maid.

        See one day Tammy came home in one of her happy bubbly moods. The maid asked her why she was so happy. Tammy told the maid that there was nothing to be unhappy about;. This angered the maid she mentioned me and how Tammy “Heartlessly murdered me in cold blood”. Tammy flew off the handle and slapped her. The maid called her dad and told him that recently Tammy had began to scare her. She told him Tammy was insane. He listened. When Tammy called him he told her he was going to put her in an “Institution for people with problems” Tammy was crazy but she wasn’t dumb she knew that meant a mental institution.

        She begged her dad not to take her, she begged him to believe that she didn’t have problems she begged him just to listen. But he wouldn’t. He told her he didn’t have time for her silly little problems and someone else should handle it. He told Tammy she had 1 month to say goodbye to her friends then she was leaving.

       In that month Tammy got scarier than I’ve ever seen her. She got expelled from school for bringing in a gun and threatening a kid that called  her weird, Her maid caught her slitting her wrists, a tourist had to pull her away from a cliff she was about to jump off so she held him over the edge and threatened to push him until the police showed up, She only got cautioned.

       Her dad didn’t show up for any of these events The maid did. She kept reporting it to Tammy’s dad who became more certain than ever that Tammy should be sent to a mental home. When the month was up the maid packed Tammy’s things against her will. And she was literally dragged into the car by the workers at the mental home.

        Tammy’s dad didn’t even show up, He sent Tammy away to live in a mental hospital for the rest of her life and he didn’t even turn up to say goodbye. The worst part about watching Tammy was knowing that I couldn’t do anything to help her. And these workers that claimed to be able to “Help her” Left her all alone in a straight jacket in a little room covered in padding, They took her out twice a day for the toilet and fed her in there.

        I couldn’t watch her suffering I just couldn’t. I couldn’t see Dan’s latest bruises that he “deserved” or my parents throwing there lives away or Annie’s silence. But I couldn’t leave Summer either. The worst part was this one day I remember It was blazing hot and me and Summer were sitting on the bench playing Truth or Dare. Then I herd footstep coming up to my grave and sighed.

       It was Dan, Dan visited me most often so I usually assumed it was him. I hated when he came because it was horrible having to watch him hate himself so much and having him give up on me. But I always listened anyway I at least owed him that. I got up and walked over and noticed that it wasn’t Dan walking up the path to my grave it was my mum with Annie on her hand. My mum pointed my grave out to Annie and she walked up to it. Mum stayed on the path and waited. Annie was in her little purple doll dress and flower sandals.

        She looked at my grave and started crying slightly but not loudly so no one could tell. She gently placed a piece of paper and A little yellow tulip by my grave. I started to well up and a lump came to my throat I couldn’t speak or even breath. Then Annie took Sir Bearington from under her arm looked at him kissed his nose the way she always did when she went to bed and placed him by my grave. The one thing she loved the most more than anything, The one thing she needed and she gave it to my grave. She wiped away tears but they kept coming then she looked at the grave and said in a sweet teary voice

“Love you J.T., Miss you” Then she ran back to my mum who took her back to the car.

         I couldn’t move. I burst into tears. I loved Annie to pieces and now I have to leave her. It wasn’t fair. Summer hugged me and played with my hair. I sobbed. I noticed that the piece of paper had a cute little 3 year olds drawing of a little purple girl and a bigger orange boy. Underneath it said “Me” under the little girl and “J.T” under the boy then the teacher had written underneath “Love you” for her. Summer directed me over to the bench where I sobbed on her shoulder. When I finally stopped sobbing Summer looked at me with a painful expression which didn’t make sense to me till later. Then she said in a sad quiet voice
“What would you say? To your parents and Annie and to Dan and Tammy?” I hesitated for a moment. For a second I didn’t know what to say, but before I knew it everything I’d wanted to say was coming out of my mouth.

“To my mum, I’d tell her that I love her very much and even though I’m not there with her anymore it doesn’t mean she should give up her life, she still has a lot left to live for like her husband and her daughter. I’d tell her she doesn’t need to be hopped up on pills to be happy because deep down I know there’s still happiness inside of her. And that she should concentrate on taking care of dad and Annie and the happiness will come back. A…And I’d tell my dad that he needs to buckle down and start acting like a man and being there for the family he still has and that he shouldn’t treat my death as if it’s the end of the world and that people die every day so there’s no need to cry over one. And…” I had started to cry again and was barely able to say the next part.
“And I’d tell Annie that even though I’m not with her I’m still watching her all the time. I’d remind her how much I love her pretty little voice and tell her that she has to keep using it because we all miss it. I’d apologise for making her parents act so cruelly. I want to tell Tammy that…that I’m so, so, so, sorry for the way I treated her. For not believing her.

        I’d show her that there IS someone who cares for her, and I would make sure she knows how truly sorry I am for not taking the time to find out about her idiot father, I’d bust her out of the mental hospital. And Dan. Dan. I… I don’t know what I’d say to Dan” I said tears trickling down my face
“I’d tell him it’s not his fault, none of it. Not my death. Not him being gay. Not the Sam incident. None of it.  I’d give him the sign he’s been looking for from me, the one that tells him I forgive him. I’d say that he really doesn’t deserve the abuse he’s getting of the football team. And I’d MAKE him see that I’m right. I would show him that he’s not alone, There’s plenty of gay people. And that one day he’ll find one who WILL love him for exactly who he is. I’d help him come out to his parent. I’d help. I’d help them all. I guess I’d just tell them I love them.” I cried tears falling faster and faster down my cheeks. We were silent for a moment then I looked over at Summer and she was crying too.

“I’m so sorry that you can’t them what you want to say.”

“It’s okay I know I’ll never speak to them, or at least for a long time. I’m dead that’s just it.” I said and I said the last word two things happened at once. The first was that Summer began sobbing like she was in pain, like someone had shoved the piece of glass that had killed her into her heart and she could feel it. The second was a light that appeared, a blinding white light. It took my eyes a while to get used to it. I turned from the light and looked at Summer in confusion, she seemed to have not noticed it… or she was expecting it. At that thought I realised what it was and what had happened. I stared at her in shock as she sobbed.

“You tricked me!” My voice going a couple of octaves higher with shock.

“You have to, you have to go into that light you just HAVE to J.T.!” Summer wailed almost incoherently “It was one stupid accident, one single step and you lost your life. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! And you’re suffering because of a stupid accident! I should have made you accept it earlier but I was being selfish. J.T. You don’t deserve to watch the people you love suffer, You’re a good guy, with such a big kind heart. You’re the best person I know and I’m making you stay here suffering, you SHOULD be there, in the happy place and…” She could finish because she was crying to hard. I wanted to comfort her and to hug her but the shock had rendered me unable to move.

“Come with me then” I said hopefully “Come with me, we can escape it, all of this, we’ll be happy, you can forget about your old life and I can forget about mine and we can be happy together just us, come with me summer” happiness filling my voice at just the thought. Summer smiled through the tears but it was a sad smile

“It sounds amazing J.T. But it’s your destiny not mine. You were supposed to go there and be peaceful and happy and I was meant to stay here. It’s not fair for me to go and be happy I don’t deserve it after who I was when I was alive. But you do J.T. So you have to go.”
“But… but what if I get lost, you’re the one that’s helping me stay on track with death, what If I get lost and don’t know what to do?” I begged, I knew it was no use but I needed her, I needed her by my side and I would do anything to have her next to me.

“If you get lost you remember something… I love you. And there are plenty of people who do love you. Let there love guide you… let MY love guide you” she whispered tears still drowning her cheeks. I knew there was nothing I could do, she had decided.

“I love you too” I whimpered. Then she walked over and kissed me, it was the sweetest kiss I’ve ever had and yet it was also the saddest because it was my first goodbye kiss.

“Bye J.T” She sobbed softly.

“Bye Summer” I whispered. The last thing I remember seeing before I stepped into the light was her beautiful face scrunched up with tears pouring out and then I just saw light.


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