Hold on till May. (Nothing's fine)

I was normal when I was with people. But behind closed doors. I was a mess. Nothing is alright. *Contains Self harm,another touchable subjects * I DON'T OWN THE PICTURE!

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I  walked back home not caring anymore if my make up was running or that people was looking at me like I was crazy for sobbing loudly outside. Many people whisper to the person with them. I understand I was a ugly fat freak! I'm not going to be in your way anymore. I got to the house and lock the door. Top and bottom lock. I went right to my room and took off my coat and scarf. I dump the bag of pills and blades. I went down stair and grab two bottle waters and loose leaf and a pen. I went to my room and my phone was going off like a mad man. I picked it up and manage to speak through my tears. "Hello?!" " Rolyn you didn't call me back last night it midnight. Your birthday. Wait. What's wrong?!" I recognize that concern voice it wasn't Liam for sure. " Brit I'm done with everything. I don't even care it's my birthday. Fuck everything. I'm doing what everybody wants me to do. " I cried. " What Rolyn don't you even dare. Remember of promise.?!" She asked me. "Promises were meant to be broken. I love you Brittany with all my heart. " With that I hung up. I sat my desk and look at my calendar it was my birthday April-11th. My birthday and death day. How ironic. I got the paper and pen and start to write my last words. With tears falling out my eyes onto my paper.  "Dear anyone who cares enough to look for me, you guys are right. I'm not anything In this world. I'm alone and I feel dead everyday even though I'm breathing. I'm fat, ugly a whore everything you said was true. I'm ain't shit. Mom I know you don't love me but I love you with my heart. It doesn't pain me to leave this world.Liam I thought you weren't different. But I was wrong. Brittany I love you and one day I'll see you again. Don't cry for me I know you won't anyways. To grandma you keep me going but only for so long. I love you. Goodbye world. I'm doing what you been waiting so long for. Sorry for being a fuck up.  Love Rolyn Bella Troy.  There was inking running down the page from my tears. I wrote Brittany an extra letter thanking her for being there for me and sorry for breaking our promise. My grandma one telling her to stay strong unlike me. Then Liam telling how I truly felt about him. I heard banging in my front door. Brittany and Liam were there yelling " Rolyn don't do it!" "Open the door lets talk it out." I yelled at them to leave. They didn't I just keep on doing my deed. I closed my door and my curtain. I open the bottles and open the razor packaging. I grabbed a handful of each pill taking it down with the water. I started to feel light headed. But to make sure their was no coming back I went to the bathroom turn the shower on hot water and laid in it it relaxing me to fall asleep. I grabbed the razor and drugged it in my wrist letting the blood mix with the hot water. I felt like I was finally doing something right. I let the darkness taking me over. One last tear falling out of my eye. Here's to you.  That morning I watched my best friend rolled out in a body bag. Me and that Liam kid were knocking on the door until her mom came home when we told her about it she had tears in her eyes she unlocked the door and we ran up to her room. Locked shit! Liam broke it down and we heard the bath water going I went in the bathroom first seeing he lying in the bloody tub in no moving. "Call 911!" I yelled to anybody. Her mom scream a painful screech. She ran slipping on the water. She grabbed her from the water and toke her out. She started rocking her saying "Why?! Why?! My baby!! " I just sat their and cried looking at the horrid sight. Liam not soon later join in the crying. The cops came taking her from us. Her mom crying and scream her only baby gone on her everyone birthday. My BEST FRIEND gone on her birthday. I sat on her bed crying. Life is different with out her already. I look to my right seeing notes. Her last words. One for me,Liam,and her grandma. One final one forever one even her mom. I handed Liam his with my sad face tears everywhere. He read his and feel to his knees. " I'm so sorry. I was being a jerk. Please come back Rolyn you where the only one who saw me for me. "He cried breaking my heart. The police left her mom covered in her daughters blood. I hugged her. " Here Miss. Troy. She looked at me and grabbed the paper. She read it and swooped me in a hugged. " Why Rolyn?! Why her Brittany. " she asked I could ask through my own tears. After of hours of crying Liam left and Miss.Troy feel asleep on my lap. I was close with her mom. We were like three amigos. I finally grabbed my letter and read it
"Dear Brit Brit, do you know your the only one who knows all my darkest secrets? Do you know I stay here longer because if you? I love you like a sister. I didn't do this because of anyone. I did it for myself. I'm happy now. So should you. Go on with your bright future. Just do me a favor vist London for me. Go meet One Direction for me. Go tithe Warp tour and see Sleeping with sirens and Pierce the veil for me. I love you with all that was left of me. Live your life remember me for the rest of your life. But promise me to be your dream of being make up artist and getting married and having kids. Take care if my mom make sure she is ok. I say once again I love you.  P.s look under my purple pillow.  Love , Rolyn  I was crying so hard shakes filled my body. I went to her room and look under her pillow to see her box of this she keep. I found pictures if us some pictures of her and her grandma. Then our friendship necklace we had gotten in the summer. I laid in her bed and cried myself to sleep.

So keep in happiness
And torture me while I tell you,
"Let's go in style"
A million hooks around
A million ways to die
Darling, let's go inside
It'll be alright


  (It's April but she lives in Michigan.)

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