Hold on till May. (Nothing's fine)

I was normal when I was with people. But behind closed doors. I was a mess. Nothing is alright. *Contains Self harm,another touchable subjects * I DON'T OWN THE PICTURE!

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I waited outside the front of the school for Brittany. Today was a horrible day. I heard at least ten mean nasty but believable remarks. When I seen Brittany we hugged before saying anything. Telling her my news was the bright side of today. We started to walk and the conversation started it up. " So Rolyn what has been happening? Are you feeling fine?" She asked. "Yes I'm fine.-" I was cut off by Brittany saying "Good,good." " I meet this boy at Spencer's.His name is Liam. He works there. " I bragged. " Well be careful. And I'm happy for you." She said pulling her scarf closer to her neck the wind getting to us. " I will. Trust me. " I said. "He is not a Senior right?" She asked like a protective older sister. "Nope,he is in our grade." I told her. "Good. You and Seniors don't mix." She said. " I think I'm honestly falling for him Brit. " I told smiling." Ah a real smile. I haven't seen one of those for awhile. " she nudged me. "I love you. I'm happy for you and call me when you get in. Ok?" She said noticing this is where we split her living closer to the school then me. "You know I always do. And I love you too. " I told her as we hugged goodbye. I started to walk my own way. As my music blast out the world Liam called me. I smiled at the picture of us kissing on our second date. I slide the call bar over answering it. "Hey beautiful" "Hey Liam" " I want to see you tonight. I have off tonight. Come over we can have your favorite stir fry. " "Ok I'm on my way home from school. I'll get changed and go over. " " Ok see you then beautiful. " " Bye" I ended the call , my music taking over my ears. I drowned it out with my thoughts. Liam really is a sweetheart. Since he use to cuts and stop. He checks me to make sure if I have any new cuts, and if I do he kisses them. He even make sure I eat when where together. He really makes me sane. I got home to an empty house like always. Since my mom works nights.....and mornings. I dropped my things and showered quickly. I got changed and made sure I looked my best. I brushed my teeth again then left to Liam's house. I walked over there within ten minutes. When I arrived l was greeted with a kiss. I was going for a nice sweet simply kiss. Liam was more rough. He closed the door and took my jacket off with out breaking the kiss. He lived alone so we didn't have to worry about anyone walking in on us. We were laying on the couch when Liam whispered in my ear. "I want you so much right now Rolyn" I didn't not want to go this far with him. I wasn't ready. We weren't even gong out yet. " I'm not ready for that yet. " I said as he kissed my neck. I was now sitting up. "Please?" He begged. "Didn't you say you made stir fry?" I asked trying to get him off my neck. Most likely leaving a mark. "That can wait" He said against my skin. " I'm really hungry though." I lied. He groaned in aggregation. He got us food and we ate in quiet. I didn't want to eat but anything was better than the whole kissing thing. The rest of the night was pointless Liam keep up with his ways and I told him no so many times. He got mad eventually and say the most painful thing anybody ever said. " Rolyn stop being suck a stuck up Emo bitch. I don't even know why you are even still here your pathetic. If you really cared for me you would do this for me! Maybe the girls in your school was right you are just fat and useless.You aren't shit. Maybe you should kill yourself. I don't even want to see your ugly ass right now leave my fucking house you nasty ass fat ass hoe!" He yelled at me I had tears in my eyes. He was right why am I still here?! Everything he just said was right. I got up with out no word and started to get ready to leave. I have no reason being anywhere. I know what I am going to do tonight. What everyone wants me to do. As I reached the door knob I looked at the boy who I thought was different, that understood me completely. But I was so wrong. "You are right why am I here?" I said before leaving his house. As I ran away to the nearest store. I heard Liam call me and tell me be was sorry. He didn't mean it. I ignored him and went on my way. My phone was going crazy with Liam calling me. I wiped my tears as I walked in the Walmart. I went to the medicine lane. I grabbed three bottles of pain killers, some sleeping pills and some new fresh sharp razors. I bought it with the twenty I got from my mom for food on Tuesday. I smiled at the lady grabbed my bag and headed home. 

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