Kingsbury On: Terror

It's not technically a story, I've moved away from the story side, and every now and then I will be posting stuff like this, showing my views on certain things in the world today.

It'll be styled on the way people like Jeremy Clarkson write in his Daily Mirror column.

I intend them to be amusing, and hopefully factual for you all!

This one is my first, my views on Terrorism, favourite and comment your opinions!

Much appreciated!!


1. Kingsbury On: Terror.


Kingsbury On: Terror


When you read this, I hope to be somewhere warm, and beautiful – like India. But where I’ll probably be is standing in a body scanner at a typical English airport, listening to a bunch of not very well built security guards sniggering at the smallness of my gentleman’s sausage.


Oh this is fun; of course, I always have a fantasy of some lazy–eyed security guard whom I cannot understand one bit telling me how you can store explosives within my buttocks, while his left eye decides to wander off somewhere else. But there is an upside to all this, I get to stand in a queue which leads back to the Wales, with no clothes on. Life just doesn’t get better.


Aeroplanes weren’t my first choice of course, I could have driven, then I saw those little but rather large blue bits on the globe – so I decided against it. I despise aeroplanes, it’s get on, wait 2 hours for that annoying straggler who always “doesn’t hear the warning call” and gets on in his skimpy suit and grimaces at you like “I didn’t actually miss it, I want to be centre of attention.” The plane takes off, you’re talking to your partner next to you, and then you end up just being a face with a manoeuvring mouth – as you go deaf. Forget sucking on a mint, spitting it out and sticking it into the hair of the person sat in front of you is much more entertaining.


But the reason why everyone is scared of flying is obvious, perhaps not to Michael O’Leary but still, it’s terrorism.


Dare I mention 11th September 2001? Oh, I did.


Well after 11th September 2001 we weren’t allowed to board a plane with a rounders bat or a pair of scissors, then along came Richard Reid with his amazingly explosive shoes, which meant we had to take off our flip-flops (saves noise on that bleeding airport floor I suppose) and put all our toiletries in a clear, plastic bag.


We can do anything to prevent it, but it doesn’t work. America has a clampdown. Terrorists find a way around it, so they have another one. And, you guessed it; terrorists find a way around that too. It’s a never ending continuous cycle.


Countries might as well not let anyone in. Apart from Sir David Attenborough, just because he’s a national treasure, and maybe David Cameron – but that’s because we have to, otherwise he’ll take our pocket money away.


Anyone can be considered a terrorist nowadays. Once you walk through one of the security scanners and the alarm goes off, you can just sense the WHOLE airport abandoning their bags and running like there’s no tomorrow; all because I didn’t want them to see my spotty underwear when I take my belt off.


Let’s face it; the employees do not help much anyway. These are the people than when you go to get your bag weighed, they ask you stuff like “Now, has anyone put anything in your bag without you knowing about it?” Good question; let me consult my talking gorilla whilst I munch on a bale of hay. How the hell would we know?


I estimate that in the next 10 years, the average traveller will spend 1,800 hours queuing at an airport, that’s 75 days of their life wasted by this idiotic idea that suicide bombers can be kept off planes. There is a rather simple answer - They can’t, the END.


Or is it?


Considering that security at airports is so over the top it’s almost hard to believe, why aren’t there security on trains? Not once have I stepped onto a train, and an alarm has gone off so security suddenly appear from the walls stripping me naked – again.


My point is that a well-placed bomb could cause as much destruction as one on a plane would. If it explodes, there will not just be significant deaths on the train itself, but many others could occur from the subsequent derailment. Also, a plane tends to crash out of sight – like into the sea. Whereas a train blowing up can be filmed, and the news would almost certainly be all over it like a disease. In terms of casualties, a bomb on a train would be far more effective than on a plane. I know that, you know that. Governments know that. Yet we still merrily catch the overnight express to Edinburgh without a care in the world.


For maximum effect, they could forget public transport, and target our roads as well.


Let us imagine, just for a moment, that a security scare shut the Hammersmith flyover where it crosses the Broadway. This would sever the M4 connection. Now let’s make a similar problem half a mile North on the elevated section of the A40. Add one more incident at Brent Cross – London’s belly button. This cuts off the M1 – London’s umbilical cord and that’s it. No one could get in, or out, of the most important city in Europe.


Unless they wanted to go to Essex. Or Kent, but then again no-one in their right mind wants to do that.


I can only assume Governments are aware of such attacks that could threaten our precious London. Felt a bit like Gollum there.


I have noticed that on the M1, M40 et cetera that there is basically NO security elements at all, apart from a few wonky cameras, which basically catch nothing anyway.


What I’m basically saying is that there is too much security in airports, and the Government is more interested in what’s up there in the sky, rather than what’s down here on God’s green Earth. Even the security out, it works.


The only way you can defeat terrorism is to basically ignore it. It’s like bullying, if you run around crying and screaming and making a scene every time something minor happens, they know they’re getting to you.


And if you paralyse the world’s airports, they’re not just getting to you, they’re winning.





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