No Pain no gain

That's the thing about pain. It always demands to be felt'

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1. No Pain, no gain

Pain is now a relative concept for me. It's not something that will ever be easy or comfortable - obviously. It's pain dumbass! But I don't seem to notice it anymore. I have had it for so long that it has almost become a part of me! What would I be without it? A normal human possibly. But who wants to be normal? I, on the other hand, am completely and utterly special. One in a million. A star among rocks or a gem in the dirt. Or something like that. I should probably go and look up some Shakespeare and quote some of that you. And what's so special about me - I am in love. Whoooo-bloody-hoooo!

 

Anyone who says they are lucky to be in love with their best friend is a liar. Like that Jason Mraz who sings a whole song about it. Yay, look at me, I am in love with my best friend and everything is so perfect! But I can tell you, life is not like that! At all! Fine if she loves you back - absolutely great! But then you are not best friends, you are a couple! That is completely different whatever anyone says. No, I am in love with my best friend and let me tell you - it is hell!

 

I first met her in school - we were 11 and it was our first day. Everyone else had moved up together from the local primary school but not her. She had just moved there and knew no one. Of all people, she sat next to me on that very first day with a quiet 'Can I sit here?' And that was it. We have not separated since.

 

Now, 10 years later she is literally the most beautiful thing that walks the planet. Oh her hair, her eyes, her body...I could lie to you and say she is perfect. But she isn't. I know that, but I don't care. That's what love is! It's the ability to see beauty in everything when that person is around. Without her, the world is just grass and air. With her, it sparkles. And she glitters within it! My gorgeous friend.

 

People have come and gone, over the past 10 years. I made friends and lost them. Dated girls and dumped them. But she was always there at my side. A constant in the mist of confusion. I have watched her grow from the shy young girl to the confident trainee lawyer that she is today. Still a little shy, still a little underconfident but she is going to come out on top, I just know it. She always does.

 

As for me, I have changed too. Made mistakes and became a better person because of it! She was always there through the thick and thin, yanking me through life. One step at a time. She found it hard sometimes, yelled at me often but never went away. Always stayed. And before I knew it or even noticed, she became my air. Like that other song!

 

In fact, she became more important than air. Anyone can breathe but you need something else to live! And she's what I need. But I am too late. Far far too late and although I have had 10 years, it wasn't long enough! Why didn't I act before? Why did I even think that she wasn't looking at other people? I certainly was. All that time when I was dating and she just sat there, waiting for me. But I was an idiot. I couldn't see straight and I took advantage of her. And now she has had the last laugh - that delightful, perfect, gorgeous man. They look good together, even I can see it. But it's not right. It can never be right.

 

Not for long! Soon, everything will be put right and things will be good again! One way or another. It has taken me this long to work out what love is, but only a short while to see what it truly is - pain! Seeping into everything you know. But, as girls are always telling themselves - without pain, there is no gain. So after all this, I am sure everything will work out perfectly. And then the pain shall end! 

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