Just Let Me Stop Remebering

Andi hasn't ever been the same after her huge breakup with her ex Liam. It was a cruel and harsh split, with swearing, screaming, and crying. Just to add to the pain it had been Valentines Day. Now a year later Andi has planned to just hide in her apartment and try not to think about him and everything she misses.

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1. Chapter 1

I open my eyes and instantly feel the hollow aching in my chest. I would think that I might have gotten use to this feeling after and entire year, but it still hurts just as much as the first morning without him. My reddish brown hair was in a much too messy bun to even look remotely good and my dark brown eyes were dull and sad. I can just sum everything about my appearance look completely and totally miserable. In my eyes there wasn't anyone in my life anymore to look happy for. My family all lived in Scotland while I live in London in my little apartment that I used to share with him.

My friend asked me one day if I hate him for making me so miserable. I said no, I could never hate him. Not after what we had been through, which was just too much. Too much to ever think about all at once, too much ever bear again without just curling up and just crying until you run out of tears so you are just left sobbing with cheeks wet with tears that would never again be wiped away by his gentle hand. 

Yes I realize I need to get over him eventually, but when he is everywhere in my life except where I need him most...next to me, whispering in my ear, "Everything is going to be alright." that is just completely impossible. Some days I feel that I'm getting better and I can start fresh but then a memory hits me so hard I practically fall over on the impact, all the confidence and slight happiness comes crashing down around me.

Today was going to be hard, probably the worst out of the other three hundred sixty four I've survived. I swing my feet off the edge of my bed and look out the window. I wonder what he's thinking right now. Does he have any idea what I'm going through, does he feel the same? Does he regret raising his voice and saying all of those harsh words that still echo in my dreams every night? I wonder if he is going to go out tonight and have fun, unlike me. The strange thing that has always came up in my head was if he had kept my number in his phone. That question tugs at my mind every morning when I wake up.

I stood up and walked out of my room and into my kitchen which felt too roomy without his warm body next to mine helping me make breakfast. I took out a bowl, spoon, a box of cereal, and the small carton of milk. Looking at the spoon and thought of how he had hated them. I heard my cellphone buzz in the room over and I felt my heart flutter with the tiniest bit of hope that he was calling. I really need to figure out that my reality was the he was never going to call again to say good morning or ask how I was holding up. I walk to the phone and look at the number and my heart jumps with fear, excitement, and every single other emotion that was ever possible. It was him. It was Liam.

~~~

After what seemed to be forever I figure out how to move my hand to click the answer button and bring the phone up to my ear. "H-hello?" I ask sounding like I was going to cry, which was pretty accurate. There was silence at the other end of the line and I was shaking from lack of breath and I realized I had been holding my breath. I start taking in short shaky breaths, they were choppy and I felt like I was fighting to breath.

"Andi?", His amazingly perfect voice came through the phone and I almost passed out right there and then. I couldn't believe he had called. 'Don't get your hopes up.' I scolded myself knowing my luck it probably wasn't anything important.

I suddenly realized I hadn't answered yet, "It's the one and only." I said in a small still shaky voice.

"I can't believe you actually picked up the phone after an entire year." Liam replied a smile sounding in his voice.

I nodded even though I knew he couldn't see me, "Yeah me either." I replied a small smile on my face, "So why are you calling me now after all this time?" I asked feeling a bit suspicious.

"I-I really miss you." he said and my heart practically broke in two. I'm not sure why, I thought if this ever happened everything would be all better, I shouldn't feel even worse now.

"I miss you too.", I replied to him tears rising in my eyes, and my voice dropping to a whisper. I don't think I could manage anything louder without bursting into tears. Suddenly it came back into my mind. The fight. Our fight. The one that had torn us apart bit by bit.

~Flashback~

I walk through the front door of Liam and I's cozy little apartment and I suddenly hear voices. I am surprising Liam for Valentine's Day with something extra special. I wonder who else is hear since I don't Liam would just talk to himself. I take off my shoes and walk down the hall to the living room. I stop just before the doorway and listen to Liam and the mystery person talking.

"You know you're not going to stay away from me forever." a female voice whispers and I hear Liam chuckle I response.

"I know that but I have a girlfriend." he says back to her.

"Just forget her for a moment and think about us." the girl says in a seductive voice.

I hear him laugh again and it's cut off by something. I look into the room and Liam and some girl with beautiful blonde hair are laying on the couch making out. I have no idea what to say. My mind is racing with jealousy, anger, fear, and most of all disappointment. I can't believe any of this, ears spill over my cheeks and race to our room where I slam the door, hard enough so the people up stairs could hear it. I curl up on our bed and start sobbing.

This couldn't be happening. No! No! No! This is just a dream, I'm just imagining it. I waited to wake up in his arms but I just kept crying and he kept kissing that little sl*t. Finally I head someone come into the room I had my back to the door but I heard Liam's footsteps come across the room and he sat on the bed.

"I'm sorry." he mumbles under his breath and I suddenly was hit with a wave of fury.

I opened my eyes and glared out the window, "Oh you're sorry?" I asked my voice filled with venom. My cheeks were still wet but the tears were long gone. "You're telling me that you're sorry for snogging some b*itch on Valentine's Day? You're sorry for forgetting about me?"

"It's not like that." Liam says sternly his voice getting aggravated.

I turned to face him my face looking vulnerable but my eyes could have had flames in them, "Then what is it like?!" I yelled.

"I...Maybe I'm sick f you being so possessive!" He yelled back at me his eyes showing how furious he actually was.

"Don't you dare blame this sh*t on me!" I screamed, "It isn't my fault you can't be happy with one girl that loves you with every single bit of her heart. That's your own personal problem!"

I momentarily felt guilty for saying that but the next thing he said pushed all of that away, "You're being such a b*tch right now! I can't believe I ever said I loved you. I obviously was wrong!" That shut me up and I looked at the wooden floor. The tears suddenly remebered that they needed to be pouring down my face again. "Andi." he whispered sounding absolutely horrified at what he had said.

I looked at him, "Get out." I whispered to him and his face turned stony cold. "You want to see the b*itch side of me? GET OUT NOW!" I screamed the tears still falling.

Liam got up and left. The next few days I made sure I was out when he came and got his stuff. The aching had started almost instantly he had walked out the door and everything went downhill from there.

~End of Flashback~

"Can I come over?" Liam asked, his voice pleading.

"S-sure." I replied shaking myself out of the horrible flashback.

"Great I'll be there in ten.", he replied to me and hung up.

I stared at my phone not sure if I should be happy or scared. I shrugged deciding on the mushed up feeling of both and I changed. I ended up in a purple tank top and a pair of faded jeans with both of the knees torn. I put my hair up into a high pony tail. That took up five minutes and finishing breakfast took the other five.

The door bell sounded and I took a deep breath before walking up to the door and opening it. The door swung open and revealed Lim wearing a blue plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up and in his hands he had a bouquet of flowers. To be specific the were orange roses, my favorite.

He smiled at me and I smiled back, everything about him came back into my mind and I felt completely calm. I stepped aside to let him in. I tried not to stare at him as he looked around at the place that we had shared only a year ago. I had repainted all of the walls myself, all of them completely different colors than before. The hall had been a pale blue but now it's a light orange. I rarely ever went into the living room after that day but I repainted it as well. I had been grey but now it was purple with white polka dots. I hated that room so much I'm not sure why I painted it my favorite color.

"I like what you have done with this place." Liam said looking into each room as we walked down the long hallway. Finally we got to the living room. I had gotten tenser and tenser as we got closer and closer to that wretched room. He stopped in the doorway and looked inside. I wish I could've seen what had gone through his mind at that moment, because he spun around to face me and stared deep into my dark chocolate brown eyes. "I came here for a reason." he whispered to me his eyes looking pained. "Do you know that reason?"

I shook my head feeling the achy feeling starting to seep back into my heart. He was probably coming to say goodbye once and for all and I would never see him again. Well maybe in magazines with the rest of his band. He'd probably be everywhere when he gets married to some beautiful girl. Then I'd jut be left here in this place filled with memories of the thing I had so stupidly let go of. "Why?" I whispered back, dread filling my eyes.

"Because I love you and because I shouldn't have ever left." He whispered, his amazing eyes filled with raw love. That was for me. The love was for me and I couldn't believe it.

I just broke down in tears and I realized I am super emotional. This time my tears weren't in pain or sadness, but they were happy so happy. Liam embraced me in his strong arms and didn't let go. Not ever.

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