I promise...

“Don’t Fi, stop. I will get back, I promise you. I love you Fi.” I tried to smile, but all I wanted to do is cry. Lucas looked right at me for a while, he does that. Just looks and lets you fall for his gorgeous hazel eyes, making me feel like I was falling in love all over again.

5 years ago I met Lucas, I feel in love, I gave up everything for him because he was my world, my army boy. 2 years ago, the war took Lucas away, now is it time for me to move on and to leave Lucas behind, to stop living in the past with the love of my life...

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1. 21

Happy birthday to me, 21 today; most people on their 21st birthday would be going out partying, drinking the night away, maybe being picked up by a hot guy at a club; it’s the start of real adulthood, perhaps at the end of their university life. Maybe they’re getting their first car or their first house. But not me, I didn’t need that, because today I had everything and everyone I needed. I had a house, a job, and I just a few weeks ago I got married. All before my 21st birthday. I never planned on it, but when you fall in love with someone who is away from home for weeks, and every last day could be the last day with them.

About 3 years ago I met Lucas, I was never looking for a relationship, and I had my whole life ahead of me. I was about to go to university, just about to finish my A-levels. That’s when Lucas had to come and stuff it all up, but I’m glad he did because I love him.

“Fi, where are you?” The front door slammed front, Lucas voice sounded serious and I never liked that, it meant something was wrong.

“I’m upstairs.” I was folding up the new underwear I’d brought Lucas into the chest of draws in our bedroom, Lucas was hopeless but I didn’t mind. Lucas appeared in the doorway, he ran his fingers through his hair.

“One week Fi.” I shook my head, this couldn’t be happening. “I know they told us that I won’t be deployed until next month but…” He tried to smile, to make me feel better, but this meant losing him for the next few months… potentially forever.

“But they can’t do that Lucas, they said in the next few months.” I couldn’t stop a tear roll down my cheeks, even though we all knew this was going to happen at some point. “We’ve only been married for 3 weeks, what about the honeymoon or a break maybe?” Lucas walked over to me, hugging my waist.

“We’ll honeymoon in a few months when I get back…” He kissed me, but I knew that we might never get to go away together again.

“What if you don’t…?” I pleaded, I longed for him to stay with me.

“Don’t Fi, stop. I will get back, I promise you. I love you Fi.” I tried to smile, but all I wanted to do is cry. Lucas looked right at me for a while, he does that. Just looks and lets you fall for his gorgeous hazel eyes, making me feel like I was falling in love all over again.

“I love you Lucas…” I whispered, choking on my words. He hugged me tight once more, I muzzled his face into his neck, and his army uniform smelt of fresh mud.

“Right, let’s stop this, we have one week that’s what counts. How about we go out for a meal? How about pizza express, I love me some pizza!” I laughed, but really we had no money for meals, if we didn’t have our small 2 bedroom house on the army base we wouldn’t have been able to afford anywhere to live. But it’s never worried me that our tiny house has very little furniture, because it was mine and Lucas’s home and anyway, home is where the heart is right?

“Lucas…” He grabbed my hand,

“Just one meal Fi and we have Tesco vouchers burning a hole in the dresser!” I smiled, why he always had to be so positive considering in one week’s time he’ll be fighting a war in Afghanistan. He kissed my nose, “Right I need to go to the office, and I’ll see you later!” He winked at me before leaving me to finish changing the sheets on our bed.

 

That was 2 years ago, just before Lucas left for his 2nd tour of duty; soon afterwards he broke his promise to me because he never came back from Afghanistan, and I lost my husband 6 weeks after our wedding day. 

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