I promise...

“Don’t Fi, stop. I will get back, I promise you. I love you Fi.” I tried to smile, but all I wanted to do is cry. Lucas looked right at me for a while, he does that. Just looks and lets you fall for his gorgeous hazel eyes, making me feel like I was falling in love all over again.

5 years ago I met Lucas, I feel in love, I gave up everything for him because he was my world, my army boy. 2 years ago, the war took Lucas away, now is it time for me to move on and to leave Lucas behind, to stop living in the past with the love of my life...


2. 2 years later...

I hated it, the stares I got, the whispers, the sympathy. I didn’t want it nor needed it, it was 2 years ago, and I didn’t need people treating me differently anymore.

“Felicity my dear, go home we can in finish up here, go and spend time with your daughter hey?” Shirley placed her hand on my shoulder; all I wanted to do was shrug her off and tell her that I’m here to work so I will work, but it was getting late and I really needed to pick up Arianna.

Lucas never got to meet his daughter, I found out I was pregnant the day he left. Of course I told him over webcam, I remember his reaction perfectly. His smile, his eyes glittering with tears,

“You sure Fi? Are you serious?” He laughed as he wiped his eyes of tears, watching him cry made me cry too.

“Of course I am you silly.” We were both laughing and in tears, his face crackly and pixelated on the screen. He put his head into his hands before brushing his hands through his hair how he always did.

“We’re having a baby! We’re having a baby!” He shouted, tears streaming down our faces. “Our promise still stands more than ever now.” He winked, and that was the last time I saw Lucas’s face, then the next day was the last time I heard his voice.

“Are you sure it’s fine for me to get Arianna? I mean this dress needs to be finished for the fitting tomorrow?” I asked her as I folded put the wedding dress onto a hanger,

“Go home; you’ve been working after hours for the whole of this week, your daughter needs a parent there.”  I smiled at her, even though I did not need reminding Arianna’s dad, and my husband died 2 years ago.

“She’ll be going to play school soon, may as well make the most of mummy and baby time. Soon she’ll be a teenager and you’ll wonder where the time went!” Shirley chuckled, but I was dreading those days because then Arianna would know what happened to Lucas.

“Fi I’m not going to do this anymore, I have no problem looking after Arianna occasionally but this is getting silly now and she’s been playing up. Look at the state of my kitchen walls Fi, it’s a state!” I tried to hush Arianna from crying, rocking her in my arms.

“I’m sorry Lucy but I need to work, we’re friends, I’d do the same if you have kids, you’re a child minder for god sake!” Lucy carried on scrubbing her kitchen wall that Arianna had drawn all over,

“Yeah but you’re not paying, normally I get paid so I can repaint the walls difficult children draw on!” She stood up and chucked her cloth in the sink, making Arianna whimper again. I hugged her closer, her tears making my top wet.

“Are you calling my daughter difficult?” She carried on packing up toys, throwing them into a box.

“Yeah I am Fi, spend more time with the poor baby and then she’ll learn to behave. She’ll be thinking I’m her mum and she lives here soon!” Arianna stopped crying so I strapped her into her buggy,

“Well it’s alright for you Lucy, you know I have to work extra this month because it’s tight, but I promise next month we’ll be back on our feet.” I pushed Arianna’s pushchair towards to door,

“Do you know what you need Fi, you need a man in your life, a daddy for Arianna to support you.” My stomach twisted, I shook my head,

“Arianna has a dad…” I whispered.

 “Oh’ come on Fi, it’s been 2 years, and you’ve had enough time to get over Lucas by now.”  I glared at her,

“Lucy when you lose the love of your life to a completely stupid war, weeks after your wedding day and having his baby all alone, everyday seeing him in her face, reminding you that he’s never coming back and died without seeing you’re beautiful baby girl…” I gulped back my tears, “Then tell me to ‘get over it’” I opened the front door and pushed the pushchair out the door, shutting it, not looking back at Lucy. What a bitch.

“Hungry mummy’” Arianna complained as I strapped her into her car seat, Lucy was meant to feed Arianna but obviously the whole drawing on the wall meant that she’s starved my daughter too!

“Arianna we’ll have dinner soon, mummy will feed you when we get home because that nasty Lucy starved you didn’t she?” Arianna began to whimper, great. I dug into the baby bag and found some baby biscuits, “Here have this baby.” Arianna snatched the biscuits from my hand, stopping her crying. I slammed shut her door, and got into the car.

Maybe Lucy was right, maybe it was time I found someone else. I love you Lucas of course I do, would you mind? I won’t replace you, I promise.

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