Loving You

Amber Lee Taylor. Popular, Blonde, Cheerleader. Amber doesn’t know like what it feels to be neglected, to be alone. When Amber's sister is murdered, and she is blamed, she flees to the only family member who doesn’t blame her...or simply can't. Amber promises never to love again, to hide in the shadow of who she used to be. That is before she meets Aiden, the familiar yet quiet guy that Amber feels has more to hide than she does...

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2. Chapter 2

 

Empty. That’s what I felt. The necessary organs within me were functioning, but my emotions weren’t. My mind stayed blank, thinking only one name, having only one image replaying over and over in my mind. Listening to only one sound. Harper, Harper, Harper. The weeks spent lying in my room looking at the ceiling, a copy of The Princess Diaries clutched to my chest were unbearable. The weeks spent not feeling, just being there was enough to have me contemplating suicide, more than once. Harper’s death was a blow to our family, especially to me.

That night I wasn’t found, that night, much to my dismay, I didn’t die. I staggered in the dark making my way through the woods, wondering aimlessly. I retched throwing up, pulling at my hair in agony, screaming soundlessly, my mind not properly functioned. It was when I spotted the road, I began to sob. Sob in relief, sob in agony, in anguish, in pain. With one more scream, black spots blurred my vision. And I welcomed the dark.

I awoke to white. White walls, the smell of disinfectant, the sound of heart monitors. I was still alive. In anger I wrenched out the drip in my vane. Biting back the pain, I searched for anything, anything to help me die.

“Let go!” I screamed grabbing a sharp looking tool in her hand. I began furiously scratching at my wrists, desperately needing the feel of pain, needing to feel the blade seep into my skin. Before I was able to slit again, I sharp pain shot through my leg, and I collapsed on the cold hospital floor.

 

I awoke but no fight was left in me. I stared at the white walls, images being created on them, images I didn’t want to see. I sensed movement to my left, and barely turned to acknowledge whoever had approached.

“Amber?”.

I didn’t reply.

“Amber, please speak to me”

I continued to stare at the walls. I heard Lizzie sigh, imagined her using her hands to run through her long hair.

“I heard they had to knock you out, after you tried to kill yourself” I heard the accusation in her voice, like she didn’t want me to go. I suppressed the urge to scoff. I continued staring at the white walls, the only movement I made was to blink.

“They found Harper’s body”. I turned to face her. Her eyes were red rimmed like she had been crying. Her normal wavy hair was flat, damp. I pictured Harper’s face in my head, my eyes began to well with tears, but I blinked them back, refusing to express emotion.

“What happened?” I turned back to the white walls, deciding they were more important than Lizzie. White. Represented innocence and purity, all that Harper was.

“She…she had a crack in her skull, she might have been knocked out with something hard”. Nothing she said fazed me, I tried blocking out her voice, but she was persistent.

“Amber Lee, talk to me would you!” Lizzie’s voice was laced with anger. And for the first time I allowed my emotions to surface. The anger boiling in me would soon emerge and  I knew it. I was angry at Cassidy, I was angry at myself, I was angry at those killers, I was angry at the world.

“Shut up” I spat at her “Shut up, and leave me the hell alone”

“But Amber…”

“Stop asking me those damn questions, stop coming, stop talking, leave me the bloody hell alone!” I was screaming now and a nurse rushed in.

“You’ll need to leave” she informed Lizzie.

“Amber, If I turn to leave, I’m not coming back” her voice cracked, and she furiously wiped the tears rushing down her face. I turned back to the white walls, memories rushing back to me. With Lizzie gone, I allowed myself to think of Harper once more, I thought of the day we went to the book store, together, the only time we hung out.

 

“Amber! Amber!” Harper’s 11 year old frame rushed to me in the new book store opened in the mall.

“What Harper?” I asked browsing through the shelves of old classics.

“I want to read this, I want to read about Mia Thermopolis”  I turned, recognising the title instantly. Smiling I pick up the book, and grinned down at her.

“Anything you want harper” I said and she giggled rushing to the counter to pay. Smiling I turned back to my copy of To Kill a Mockingbird, stroking the cover carefully, while placing it back on the bookshelf.

She re-emerged, and I grabbed her hand.

“Let’s go get you some new dance shoes” the smile that lit her face was contagious.

 

I don’t know how long I sat there, a soft smile on my lips from the memory. The door re-opened, and my face hardened, ready to tell Lizzie to get lost. I turned to see a face equally like my own, void of every emotion but pure anger and hate.

“You inconsiderate waste of breathing space” her voice was laced with malice, and I gulped.

“Its all your fault, all your bloody fault!” my mother’s shoulders shock with rage, like none I’d ever seen before. I sat silent still, my lips pressed into a thin line.

“You’ve got nothing to say have you?” she taunted coming closer, her teeth almost bared “well I do, I hate you, I wish it was you instead of my baby, I wish they finished you off properly, so I wouldn’t have to look at your face” with that she walked out shutting the door behind her.

I continued to stare at the wall.

 

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