I WILL NEVER LOSE THIS PAIN

Sunday, 29 January 2012
Down on my knees.
With my hands in the air again

Waking up feeling lost & tearful again.

I will never lose this pane.

Never quite dream of you again

Despretly fighting the demons inside of me.

Felling her touch once more would have frightend me (GHOST)

We was as close to marrige as can be.

Soul mates.

We had our up & downs.

But now chrystals gone.
Another tie undone.

Dead chrystal your the poet in my heart.
Most beuatyful women i have had the pleasure to meet

You was all i ever wanted all i needed.

And now that you are gone.
My pain still lives on.

We lived,made love,was best freinds aswel as lovers.

And no one could replace you.

almost 16 yrs have past,.
And i know ile never lose this pain.

If only i could feel you once again .

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1. I WILL NEVER LOSE THIS PAIN

 

Sunday, 29 January 2012   Down on my knees.
With my hands in the air againe.

Waking up feeling lost & tearfull again.

I will never lose this paine.

Never quite dream of you againe.

Despretly fighting the demons inside of me.

Felling her touch once more would have frightend me (GHOST)

We was as close to marrige as can be.

Soul mates.

We had our up & downs.

But now chrystals gone.
Another tie undone.

 Dead chrystal your the poet in my heart.
Most beuatyful women i have had the pleasure to meet

You was all i ever wanted all i needed.

 And now that you are gone.
My paine still lives on.

We lived,made love,was best freinds aswel as lovers.

And no one could replace you.

almoust 16 yrs have past,.
And i know ile never lose this pain.

If only you were still here.

life would have some one to live.

Instead i just exsist.

.And live in bliss.

All for that touch ,laugh you had,so pettite and pretty.
I so miss your cuddles,arms intwined lovers running free.

We was so free,and ime pretty sure ile see your pretty little face again.

Then like most things in my life.

I get locked up.
Your out there on your own desprate,.

No one to turn to (lost her mother and father to cancer,brother jason found floating up the river medway)

Then came the big call.

Moore you are wanted at the chapel after lunch.

Alarm bells are going off in my head,a rush of anxiosness.(this must be serious)

I walk after lunch to the chapel.

Kenny moore (asks the priest).

YES.

Your mother is on the phone .

Hi mum hows things.

Mums crying and howling.

THROUGH  the telephone the whole prison stood still.hearing my mum whaling.

MUM whats wrong.

Kenny i want you to be strong,i will be down to visit you as soon as i can.

MUM what is it brunet (my dog).

PLEASE KENNY
.
MUM just tell me.

Chrystals dead.

I go numb.
cant think what to say.

Have nothing to say.just numb.

Priest asks do i want to talk.

No thanks i just want to go back to my cell.

walk on the wing,peter feny, oi kenny table tennis m8.

I wave my hand shake my head,suggesting no.

I feel as if ime in a fantacy world, (denial).

As soon as lock up.
as soon i cry.

ime looking outside through the iron bars,day dreaming.

A little bird lands on my sill outside of the bars.

Maybe thats a sign maybe thats chrystal.

But no shes gone,ile never feel the same.
Never feel her warmth as we both used to lay watching THE CROW.

TWO lovers intwined,heart body soul mind as one

Just as two drummers beating in time in rythum.
Was our heart as one.
United.

Before hand when chrystals father graham died of cancer (RIP) chrystal and i kept in touch by mail and visits.

We planned that upon my release from prison.
We were to be married,.

Chrystal had been left alot of money from her father left in a will.

I remember mum saying "kenny chrystal is lost with out you,i have never seen her so out of it all of the time."

My denial kicked in.

Not for one second did i think chrystal would die.

The sad truth chrystal died aged 20 from a drug over dose.

The last i saw of someone so carring understanding and beuatiful.

 

 

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