My love

There was only two things that I was totally sure of. One, Harry loved me. And two, I was deeply and utterly in love with him. I want to be with him for a very long time. And I'm starting with forever...
Harry Styles is my only love. For now and forever. I never thought it was possible to fall for someone this hard... but I did.


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14. Leaving...

4 A.M and my alarm clock went off... I moaned then got out of bed. The first thing I do is go over to my phone to check it. I had, already, a text from him... all it said was "Good morning beautiful, are you ready for New York?" It was enough though. My heart was beating hard. I smiled then texted him back. "Of course, As long as i'm with you...". I sent it then put my phone down. By the time I was packed and ready it was 5:30 and I needed to get to the airport to meet Harry and the guys. As I was walking out the door I heard a voice. it was my mom. "Bella," I turned to look at her, her eyes watering. I walked over to her and hugged her. "Please be safe Bella.." She whispered tightening her grasp around me. "I will mom, I promise..." That was it.. I walked out of the appartment and left. The right to the airport was painful... I couldn't help but to think of my mom, she looked utterly crushed that I was leaving. Then I thought of Harry... and the conversation we had 2 days ago. I thought of what he said. About how he would die if I ever left him. I felt a sharp stab in my chest. I couldn't bare it.. I could never leave him, but could he leave me? My stomach was in nots and the stabbing pain got worse. It made my heart beat a million miles an hour, before I knew it I was hiperventalating. I pulled into the parking lot surprised to see Harry already there waiting for me, he was smiling. Seeing him made the stabbing pain feel worse. I knew he wasn't leaving me, but just the thought of it made me want to die. I know that this isn't at all how bad i would feel if it actally happened. If he had actually... left me. I forced the thought out of my mind because Harry came over to my door and opened it. I hadn't even noticed but I was crying. Tears had violently been running down my face. Harry stood in shock. But when he saw me gasping for air he stood me upright and held me tight against him. "Whats wrong?" He sounded scared... I shook my head. It was all okay now. He was actually here. I knew that my crying had started way before the thought of Harry leaving me came into my mind. The thought of my mother's sorrow was carving a huge hole into my heart. My mind was confused, cluttered. "My mom... you should've seen her face." I didn't want to tell him about my other thoughts... "She'll be fine" He promised me. I felt safe, I know with him I don't have to worry. "Come on, lets go find the guys..." He wiped the tears from my eyes, kissed me on the head, and gently took my hand.

"Bella!" Yelled Liam. I smiled at his face. It was so kind, gentle, carring. "Hey!" I yelled back cheerfully. I looked past Liam to see Nial, Zayn, and Louis smiling at me. "Hey guys," I smiled at them. Once we got on the plain it was very quiet. Louis and Zayn where nearly sleeping with there headphones in. Nial was watching a movie on his laptop and Harry was sitting beside me, holding my hand. I gased out the window, looking down at the small land below us. It wasn't good for me to be quiet. I needed something to keep my focus. But right now, there was nothing. I started thinking again. First about my mom. I wondered what she was doing right now... she might be sitting on her bed watching tv with the phone in her hand... waiting for me to call. I know that she knows I wont be off of the plane for another few hours, but she would be hoping anyway. I thought back to this morning. When I turned around, the look on her face was so pained. I didn't understand why she was so worried. It wasnt like I was going into the army. I wondered if it had something to do with my dad. My father died when I was 7 years old in some sort of accident. I knew he was traveling and then one day my mom was crying. She told me that he wouldnt be comming home that he had gone somewhere very far away that I couldn't go to, but that he was in a better place. It wasnt until years later that I figured out that the place she was talking about was heaven. Maybe it was a plane crash... The thought of my father dying in a plane crash stabbed another hole into my chest, pluss the look on my moms face, the pain, agony, and worry she was feeling... When I hugged her, it was like she had taken some of her pain and given it to me. The hole that was being stabed into my heart was throbbing, my eyes started to water. I tried thinking of something else, I thought of Harry... he was sitting next to me, holding my hand. That wasn't a good idea. It brought me back to my earlier thoughts. Of him leaving me. Telling me that I wasn't what he wanted, that I wasn't good enough... The pain in my heart suddenly felt a million times worse. I squeezed Harry's hand... Tears starting to roll down my face again. He could here me. He pulled me close. "Shh..." He whispered into my ear,  "It'll all be okay, I promise..."  I dug my head into his chest and drifted into a peacfull, dreamless, thoughtless sleep.

I woke up to the sound of the pilot speaking. "This is your captain speaking, we will be landing in New York in about 5 minutes. Please be seated now, fasten your seatbelts and prepare for landing. Thank you have a wonderful day"  When I moved to get up Harry helped me gently. He seemed worried. I could tell that he knew something was wrong. Suddenly I felt a little terbulance, I knew thought that it was just because we were laning on the run way. It still made me jump though. Finally the plane stopped and the flight attendance directed us all to the door. When we got onto the plat form I realised how stiff I really was. "Some flight!" Said  Louis. "I'm so glad its over! I was so bored!" Nial agreed. Harry and the guys kept talking, but I tuned most of it out. The crying had made me exausted. "Lets get to the hotel..." Said Harry.

The hotel room is  beautiful. We have a beautiful view of the city, everything was either white,red, or silver. It had 3 rooms. A living room, a bedroom, and a bathroom. The guys where all sharing the bedroom while I got the pull out sofa in the living room. Not alot of privacy, but I felt better sleeping in a seperate room. As soon as I stepped foot in it, I pulled out the bed and started to make it. The sheets where warm and fresh, and the blankets where soft and warm as well. Right when it was finnished, I pulled myself under the covers and pulled out a pensil and paper. I started to write. I wrote down what I was going to say to my mom. I ended up with "Mom, I know you are worried about the plane rides. I understand. But, I have a question... was dad killed in a plane crash?" As I wrote that I felt another stab of pain run through me.. I had to clench onto a pillow. I kept picturing a plane engulfed in flames.. I could hear the screams of the passengers in my head... And then I saw my dad. I dug my face into the pillow and sobbed. Suddenly I heard someone run in. They must've heard me. But Harry went out.. He went to go get some food from downstairs.. Who could be the one sitting down next to me. Then I heard his voice. "Bella?" He asked scared. It was Liam. "Bella whats wrong? are you hurt? are you sick? please tell me whats going on?"  I looked up. My tear stained face stung. "I don't... I can't be sure." He looked confused. "Im not sick.." I told him. A little bit of relief was on his face. Then he hugged me. I hugged back tightly, breathing deeply trying to calm myself. "Thank you." I said quietly. "for what?" he replied letting go of me. "For being a good friend...". He smiled at me. "Get some rest kid. I'll tell Harry that you want to talk to him when he gets back okay?" I sighed. "Okay,"

Sleeping was difficult. I kept having dreames. Waking up gasping for air. Trying to reasure myself that they where just dreams. More like nightmares. They where about all in one day everything bad happening. My dad getting into a crash and me being stuck behind some glass door not being able to help them. I just had to sit there and watch that plane go up in flames. Then as soon as the flames went down, and I was already sobbing, my mom came in.. and just stared at me. She told me to be safe. The  look on her face made the tears roll down my cheeks more fluently and fast. Then came the very worst part. The part that made my heart rip apart all together. Harry came. He looked upset with me. " I dont want you here!" His voice screamed. " I don't love you! I never did! I lied and now im stuck with you! How could I possible love you! You aren't good enough! And you never will be!" By the third sentence I was on the ground in hysterics, clenching my hand to my chest, and my arm tightly wraped around my stomach.. he just kept looking at me.. Then he ran off, but before he did, he made sure to tell me that he never wanted to see my face ever again.

The rememberance of my dream brought tears to my eyes. It made me want to scream. Becuase only one of those things didn't actually happen. But I was terrified that the third one would. I had to stop worrying and focus on Harry. Make him happy. I needed to tell him  about my worries, about my dream. But how do I bring a thing like that up? Thats it... I wouldn't.

 

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