Twist & Turn

"You know you learn from history
To love and trust yourself to see
It's never black and white it seems
There'll be a shade of gray between." here is my story... ©

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6. Chapter 6 - Me – The Oh-So-Lonesome

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I stared ahead, looking at all the pictures of Harry and me. I was sitting in my room, my eyes dry, tears marked my face. I’d cried all I could. I gave out a strangled noise and jumped off my bed and ripped off all the pictures on the wall and tore them into as many pieces as I could. I don’t ever want to have to look at his face ever again. I crumbled into my knees and looked down and all the tiny shreds of photos.

I mean sure, I'm not the nicest sheep of the flock but he didn't have to say them to my face, he'd ditched me for the people who'd originally made his life hell. 

...I can't ever replace those pictures.

A feeling of nausea washed over me and I scrambled up and to the bathroom, just making the toilet. 
I puked my guts up and felt tears roll down my face. My ears closed off and everything was muffled, my vision blurring. 

I'm not stable; he wasn't allowed to just leave me. I need him.

I crawled away from the toilet and wiped my face on a nearby towel. I shivered as I became really cold. I stood up slowly and flushed the toilet. I went to the sink and turned the sink on and splashed water onto my face.

I crossed my arms over my chest and shuffled downstairs to the lounge room. I looked up and saw a two faces I rarely saw around this house. My ears were still muffling the sound and I looked at their mouths scrunching my eyebrows together, suddenly my ears let out a couple sharp pops and the sound came rushing in loud and clear.

They were fighting again.

I opened my mouth about the tell them to stop when my Dad grabbed me by the neck and held me against him. I looked at my mom with wide eyes and scratched at my dad's hand.

"Jackson... Let her go." My mom said calmly.

"It's all her fault that we're like this. I'd be doing us a favor Lucy!" My dad slurred.

"No you wouldn't, you're drunk, you're not thinking right." My mom said stepping closer cautiously.

My dad pulled out a Swiss army knife from his pocket that I knew he carried around with him. 
That's when my mom started screaming and my dad and I just looked down as my ears muffled everything again. 

My dad suddenly shoved me away from him and I stumbled down, hitting my cheekbone and eye on the coffee table, I looked back at my arguing parents. My dad held his arm out threatening and my mom shouted something and my dad struck her cheek and my mom's head snapped to the side. 

I could faintly imagine what it would've sounded like, skin sharply slapping skin. It was a quick, painful sound.

I gasped, I’m not sure how loud, but it was silent to my ears.

 

I ran to my room craving the comfort the pictures on the wall gave me, but instead was welcomed with shred up pieces. I shuffled over to my bed and lay down massaging my cheek lightly, I could try and call Harry but I’m pretty sure our friendship is over.

 

And as far as I know, I’m completely friendless now…

 

 

 

.(r__r).

 

 

 

I picked up my school bag the next morning after I’d pack some food and gotten dressed. I quickly looked at my face in the mirror beside the door and sighed when I saw the large angry bruise that had formed overnight that covered my left cheekbone up to my eyebrow. I somewhat bothered concealing it, but no one was likely to notice; after all I was a nobody. A friendless nobody.

 

When I arrived at school no one was waiting, no one welcomed me, and no one even looked at me. I kept my head down and walked to English silently, I was running late so I arrived just as the bell rang out. People hurried around and I heard heels walk past me and hushed voices, I looked up slightly and saw Rachael’s blonde hair flow behind her, Louis on her left he was looking back at me, I adverted my eyes and saw that Molly, Tina, Harry and Zayn were on her right. I looked down and squeezed shut my eyes, and opened the changing directions completely and hurried to the ladies room. I pushed open the heavy door and walked to the sink and mirrors and placed my bag down and looked at my face, the bruise was clear through the concealer. I chewed my lip.

Remember, it could’ve been worse.

I picked up my bag and walked out of the bathroom with my head low. I shuffled to English and looked up as I entered; I paused when I saw Harry and Rachael sitting next to each, talking in hushed voices. Rachael’s eyes flickered in my direction and she said loud enough for me to hear,

“Why were you friends with that Shelly girl?”

I stayed where I was waiting for Harry’s reply he was sitting there then he shook his head and said, “We were never friends.”

I looked down silently, my eyes burning again; I shoved past them earning a bitchy remark from Rachael which I ignored. I sat down at the back and put my head in my hands and rubbed at my eyes forcing myself not to tear up. I looked up and saw Harry looking at me curiously. We stared at each other for a few seconds before I looked down sharply.

I faintly heard the teacher: Mr Wales walked in and sit down at his desk.

Just adding here, he’s a total hunk. He’s only like 20-something.

“Class.” Mr Wales addressed us; I looked up and waited for instructions. “I have a new idea of what we can do for the writing a book subject.”

In English we were writing a book on anything we wanted, apparently someone was writing about sex… EL OH EL.

We all waited for him to continue, he looked at us individually before continuing,

“I’ve got 12 notebooks, each different. I’ll call you name and you come up and select one and when everyone has got one I’ll give you the next step.”

He went through just about everyone’s name and finally I was called when there were about 5 notebooks left. I got up and shuffled to the front and looked at the notebooks, there was one with pink roses, which I scrunched my nose at, one that had different cars, an anime one, a plain black one and one that had graffiti all over it. I picked up the graffiti one and examined it, it was manly it had all different colours on it, but there was a quotes on it then I realized that all the graffiti made a picture of Marilyn Monroe, the quote said:

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself...and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

I smiled at the notebook and took it back to my desk and waited for everyone to pick a notebook.

 

I sat bored as Rachael had a mini tantrum of how she didn’t like how there were only pink roses and not red or white or even black. I rolled my eyes as we all waited for her to finish so Mr Wales could finish, eventually Rachael finished and childishly crossed her arms and slumped in her seat with a ‘humph’.

“Okay, now that that’s over I can continue. These notebooks will be called journals, anyhow the notebook that you have chosen you will write in, at the start of each lesson. I will give you a subject and you will write, one line, one paragraph, one page, how much as you want. So, if you could please turn to the front cover and write in your name somewhere on the page. When you have the chance you will write words that describe you, In fact we will work on the cover for about 5 minutes then I’ll write the first subject up. Remember you can always add words. Please start.” Mr Wales said with a smile.

I looked at my notebook and opened it slowly; I could hear people scratching things down quickly. I looked at the blank page; I turned to the next page and saw lines.

Good, I’m shit at drawing straight lines.

I turned back to the front and pulled my small pencil case from my bag and placed it on my desk and took out a blue pen and wrote down Shelly Anders. I chewed my lip as I thought of what to write.

Strange, Friendless, Strong – not a bitch, Friendly (?), Passionate, sensitive.

I chewed my lip at my lack of descriptive words. I sighed and placed my pen down and waited for the remaining 2 minutes to pass.

At the 1 minutes mark Mr Wales stood up and walked to the white board and wrote in his large flowing writing: SOMETHING YOU REGRET.

I opened to the second page and picked up my pen and wrote down the title when started writing.

 

 

Something I Regret.

Honestly, I try not to regret things, they make me loose doubt in myself, but in a way I regret thinking that. It made me loose the people I love.

I regret ever listen to my mum tell me the one quote I have lived by.
I’ve lost the people I love because of it, it’s changed me and turned my into someone no one wants to be friends with me.

Even since I was little I’ve been by myself and not trusted anyone when I should’ve been letting them in and standing up for them and being strong. I could be strong if I really wanted to be but I was scared I guess you could say, and I regret that.
There have been a couple of times I’ve let someone in and I’ve lost them.

 

And someone who I’ve know for a long time considering. And I’ve lost them. 
But I guess that’s off the subject but that’s also something I regret.

Maybe if I was different, if I hadn’t pushed them away things would be different, people would want to know me, and I’d have friends. I wouldn’t be hated.

 

 I sighed and continued the last couple of words.

 

But I don’t know, old habits are hard to break after all.

Sincerely, Shelly.

END-

nearlly 200 reads.. no yeah THANK YOU. Love youz to the moon and beyond. xx

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