Feel Again

Her life wasn't typical. She wasn't "living the dream." She didn't get what she deserved, and someone finally realized that. They helped, but she still wasn't healed. I only have one piece of advice. Watch out for what you do, because the past will haunt you.

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4. Alexandria Rose

Dr. Martin did most of Winter's check with Michael in the room, but when it came time for her to be checked for any signs of rape, she obviously asked him to leave the room.
Winter felt so uncomfortable throughout the whole thing. She wasn't used to people 'checking up' on her. It was an abnormal thing to her. Having To hand a strange woman in a lab coat a container of her urine. Getting needles poked into her arms for blood samples. It was just all so weird to her. She sat patiently though.
"Okay Winter, I'll be right back. I have to go drop these blood samples and pee off at some of the labs, and then I'll be right back here to wait with you. See you in about a half hour. Kay?" Doctor Martin says in a slow voice.
"Yeah. Okay." Is all Winter can say. If she utters another word her hidden nerves will shine through, and she doesn't need anyone to see how scared she is about the HIV results. Because for all she knows she could have a serious STD. She's slept with enough guys, that it wouldn't surprise her. She wouldn't be happy if she did, but she wouldn't be surprised. A few seconds after the doctor left, Michael knocked on the door.
"Are you decent?" He asks uneasily.
"Yeah, Mike. I'm fully clothed." She replies with a bitter chuckle.
"Good. Can I come in?" He asks, even though he's already inside the room. Winter looks at him with a sarcastic look on her face.
"Right, okay then. Nervous?"
"No," she takes a deep breath, "not really."
Michael shakes his head knowing fair and well that she is nervous beyond her witts.
"You may be able to hide it from everyone else, but I'm a dad, and I am a damn good one. I can tell you're trying to bullshit me. I know you're nervous, and you have every reason in the world to be. It'll be fine. I am almost sure of it." He said with a wise tone of voice.
••••
It felt like she had been waiting for hours on end before the doctor, Shea, finally stepped back into the room.
"Okay, well we've gotten your results for chlamydia, HIV, warts, Hepatitis B, and Herpes back. It turns out you, my dear, are STD free." She said gladly. Winter was overjoyed. She froze, she had never felt so relieved in her whole life. She couldn't find the right reaction.
"We have seen that you have one defective kidney, but since you only need one of those, we can have that removed. I'll put you on the list for surgery after I leave here in a bit. We have the understanding that you have been smoking quite a bit lately?" She asks, but it's more of a statement than anything.
"Yes. I have.." Winter says says shakily. Still unaware if what to fathom of this situation.
"Not only fags, I can see." She says softly.
"Yeah.." Winter looks down in shame.
"We have..uhm..we've noticed," she sighs heavily, "we've noticed signs of rape, on several occasions.." Shea says full of sorrow, and uneasiness. Winter can't speak, she just continues to stare at the ground, speechless.
"I'm so sorry, Wint-" Shea starts, but gets cut off by Winter.
"Don't! Don't say sorry. You could do nothing about it, it's not your fault. Drop it."
"Okay. As for physical injuries, your leg is broken in two places, and we can put a caste on that today for you if you would like. You have a fractured wrist, and those makeshift stitches on your arm we would be glad to re-apply for you."
"Thank you, Shea. I mean it. Thank you for doing this all for us, her, on such short notice." Michael says with genuine thanks.
"It was nothing, Mike. She obviously needs to get patched up, yeah? I'm glad to do it." She puts a smile on her face. Unlike all of the other poorly designed grins on nurses and doctors faces, hers seems so real. It seems like she is really happy to help. Shea goes to leave to room.
The door clicks shut behind her. Winter breaks down into thick sobs, that she can't control.
They aren't sad, they aren't happy, they are more of just thankful than anything. Thankful that things weren't so much worse than they could have been. Mike rubs her back comfortingly.
"It's fine, just let it out, hun." He whispers.
"Oh and one more thing." Shea pops back into the room. "I'm very sorry, I completely forgot while I was in here."
"What is it?" Mike asks.
"Uhh, I'm very sorry to inform you of this with all the good news. But, uhh." She drags on.
"Spit it out!" Mike starts to yell.
"Please..." Winter says in barely a whisper.
Shea looks at both of them, sadness filling her eyes.
"Miss Lemon," she takes a deep breath and let's it out, "I'm sorry to inform you...that your baby didn't make it."
Winter stands up firmly.
"What baby?!" She screeches, all hope and forgiveness, gone in her voice.
"Were you not aware that you were a month and a half pregnant?"
"DO I LOOK LIKE I WAS AWARE THAT I WAS PREGNANT?!" Winter yells wildly. She has lost all temper. She feels like she wants to break something, anything. She was with child? She didn't know. How could she know? She didn't even know who the hell the father could've even been. 'I'm sick. This is horrible. I'm such a horrible person' was all that kept running through her mind. 'I'm disgusting, how could I not know who the father was? Oh right, cos I'm a whore' she repeated to herself over and over again. And then in actually settled into her. She didn't know who the father WAS. Her baby, was dead. Shea said she didn't make it. And whether it was a gruesome mistake, it was still her baby. And she would have loved it, and taken care of it, and given it everything that she never got to have. She wouldn't have treated it the way her mother treated her. But now she didn't get the chance. A baby. An innocent baby, that she had suddenly fallen completely in love with in the past few seconds, was gone. And she couldn't help herself. She had to cry again. This was the most she'd ever cried in her life. She cried hard. Messy sobs, and sloppy sniffles filled the silence of the room.
How is it, that she managed to loose the only two people in her family that she loved within a matter of days. First Symphony, and now her baby. Her baby, that doesn't even have a name yet.
"I want to name her." She speaks up. Still breathing short, deep breaths. "Can I still name her?"
"Winter...how did you know it was a girl." Shea asks cautiously.
"Does that matter?! I don't know, I just do. Can I name her, please?" She pleads.
"Yes. Yes, Winter you can name her. Let me get the papers." Dr. Martin hurries out of the room.
A song suddenly starts playing over and over again in Winter'a mind. Just the one line though. 'You are my one, and only. You can wrap your fingers 'round my thumb, and hold me tight. And you will be alright. 'Cos you were just a small bump unborn for four months then torn from life, maybe you were needed up there but we're still unaware as why..'
She can't put a name to the song. All she knows is that right now, it fits her situation almost perfectly, other than it was only one month rather than four. She starts to cry even harder. She has to find the song. This is her song now, all hers. This song is her life. She wipes away her salty tears when Shea comes back into the room.
She takes the clipboard from her with shaking hands and writes down her name in the section of mother. She ponders on the child's name before coming up with something she thinks is perfect. Something that is now, to her, the most beautiful name in the whole world. The name that now, means everything to her.
Alexandria Rose Lemon. And suddenly, her own last name doesn't seem so bad to her now, as long as she gets to share it with baby Alex.
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I feel so sorry for taking forever to write this chapter. But it was honestly one of the most difficult things I've ever gone through. I would start crying like after every paragraph i'd write. So, sorry. Ok bye.
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