Hi, I'm Valerie. I'm only 16 but it seems like i lived a thousand years. Since my best friend found out my secret, she treats me differently, my parents think I'm some kind of a devil, people at school laugh at me for no apparent reason, don't worry I'm used to that. Wanna know my secret? well here it goes..


9. In bed.

I'm lying in bed, thinking, wondering, about nothing, about everything. Why am I so messed up? Why did it have to be me? Suddenly, I start crying, about nothing; it just comes out of nowhere.

Then I realize, I've lost my friends, it's harder for me to get on with people. I want my "parents" to notice that i'm not ok, although i don't want them to fuss. I want help but i also want to be left alone. What if people think i am attention seeking by constantly looking upset, so i try to smile and keep happy but i break down when i get home, when nobody is watching. What if i'm paranoid? i could do with someone to remind me that i'm beautiful and tell me that everything is going to be ok- but nobody is there. I feel so alone. I have recently been feeling an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. I hate growing up. I want to be young again. I desperately want to go back in time. I'd change something if i could. I wish I never met that one person. I want someone to come back who never will. I always get home, get under the covers and cry. Sometimes i wish i was dead, i feel guilty for wishing i was dead, as there are so many people who are dying who don't want to die, and just wish they could stay alive. Some day i need to listen to music, other day i really don't want to. I love walks in the rain. I watch romantic films and then get back to boring reality. I want to change so much about myself, maybe even myself completely  I find myself laughing and smiling less. I hate the word "depressed". 

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