Between Crown and Heart

Galaxy Charmé gets nearly kidnapped by death eaters but luckily she's saved by Albus Dumbledore who has been searching for her for the past few years as the death eaters did.But why?Galaxy is told that she will end a cruel war,but how if she has never heard anything about true magic?How if she neither has faith in magic,nor in herself?Strange things happen to her and she falls in love with her Professor Severus Snape who will never belong to her as long as she won't confess her love to him.
Time passes then and she learns what important role she plays in this war and moreover how she has to fulfill it:She has to betray everyone she is fond with.She has to leave them alone when they need her most.And her love's fate is already sealed before her own fate was.
How will she experience her new destiny and how the loss of her life?In the end she will need a shoulder to cry on after her sacrifices but no one will be there for her.Thus be you there for her and give her a shoulder to cry on.

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58. The Ball


"Fine! I'll go!" Hermione gave up. We argued since 20 min who should go first. We were one of the last pupils in general and the ball was about to begin.
She took one deep breathe, smoothed her dress and walked nervously around the corner to the stairs of the entrance hall. She looked one last time at me before she looked down at the stairs and smiled shy. Then she was gone.
I took a deep breath too and tried to do it like her. But I failed yet at the very beginning. My breath got stuck in my throat and I couldn't take a deep breath into my chest.
"Oh lord or great lady, who ever, help me!" I prayed with my eyes closed and my hands pressed together under my chin.
Suddenly my whole body stiffened and stopped shivering. My mind relaxed and got cleared, even my breathing was normal again.
Then I pushed my chest out, my shoulders lightly down and back and walked out from my hiding place, into the light, to the stairs, to my date. It felt like I did that many times before and my body already knew how to move.
As my legs were walking me down the stairs a few dozen students who waited for their dates or just feared to enter the hall looked at me with wide eyes and open mouths. 
My head said: "I don't like to be presented, even if I am looking good! I want to run away! To my bed!" 
My body seemed to say: "I know how I am looking. After all, I worked for my body!"
My date was just looking at me wide eyed and smiled proudly. 
I smiled shy as I climbed the last step down and walked towards him. He just kept on staring at me and I got more nervous.
Suddenly he bowed down and took my hand. 
"You look breathtaking, Miss Galaxy." He kissed it.
I smiled more shy, I believe I was certainly blushing!
He offered me his arm and I took it while I remembered Remus for a short moment. Then we walked in as one of the last couples.
The great hall was decorated brightly and in a snow white colour. There were tables with chairs arranged around the dance floor, as you know from a romantic dinner in a French restaurant and there was a huge stage in front of the hall where the staff tables usually were. The many people packed in the room filled it with an excited and warm atmosphere. Boys were leading their partners proudly around the room, girls were holding their partners jittery but yet graceful. 
As my date lead us through the crowd, I searched for my friends but I didn't find them. 
"Here." Someone said and my partner walked us to that voice. 
"I reserved a seat for you… two." I stopped abruptly. Draco pointed with his arm to two chairs opposite him and his date, Pansy Parkinson.
I looked at him surprised and skeptical. 
Why was he offering ME a seat, on HIS table?!
"Maybe because he is friends with your date and not with you?" My mind said.
"Or because he is looking thirsty and longingly at you?" It added. 
My date pulled the chair out for me and brought me out of my thoughts.
I smiled forced and sat down. 
"You are welcome to leave." Perkison said in her high, squeaky voice. 
But Draco gestured her to be quite and looked all the while at me. "You don't want to be rude towards our friend from … Durmstrang." She shut up a little ashamed and glared at me.
"What are we waiting for?" My date asked.
"For the champions and the cheater." Draco said disdainful.
"He is not a cheater, Draco." I said calm.
"Everyone-"
"Everyone knows he's a cheater! We all saw his name flying out of the goblet." Perkison interrupted Draco and he got very angry.
"Next time you better go if you can't keep your mouth shut." He said to her and she looked quite heartbroken. Should I pity her? I think not.
"Or jinx a silencing charm. That will work definitely." I said smilingly. She wanted to retort but she forced herself to be quite.
Right then the champions arrived and everyone stood up. 
The first champion was Fleur followed by Victor and… I can't believe this! HERMIONE?! I gasped. She stunned me that much that I forgot Cedric and Harry who followed them.
"Is that Granger with Crum?" Parkinson said in disbelieve.
"Shut up!" Draco hissed to her. I suppressed a giggle and looked at my date. He was looking at the dance floor where the champions were about to dance. 
The music began and they danced. Well, Harry tried dancing otherwise they all danced outstandingly. The headmaster followed them soon on the dance floor with Professor McGonagall who looked amazing in her dark green robe. 
Then Karkaroff danced with his partner. And every time he turned to me while dancing he looked at me more longingly than Draco. 
I turned my head away and looked at the staff. 
Hagrid closed the gab between him and Madame Maxime a little and nodded his head towards the dance floor, asking her to dance. I smiled. 
I saw Professor Sinistra sitting on a table with her date and watching the dancing people and then I stopped on Snape who was standing alone. He was in his usual black robe and looked annoyed at the people in front of him. 
He clapped his hands when the headmaster and Professor McGonagal came back. As Dumbledore crossed Snape, he whispered something in his ear and Snape looked at me suddenly. His look was surprised and amazed but at once it changed and he pursed his lips and turned to his table with Professor Sinistra. I was disappointed and hurt. 
"Was I looking that bad? Should I rather go upstairs and do him a favor to don't have to look at me?"
"May you dance with me?" My date asked me then and interrupted me in my thoughts once again.
I smiled forced. Actually, I didn't but … I had to.
He took my hand and we danced. At first, I was very bad but then I kept in my mind what Professor McGonagall and my guardian said: "There is a hidden swan in every girl and just get lost in the music." 
I closed my eyes and let my legs move like they were used to it and my partner led me through the dance floor.
The music stopped and the headmaster announced dinner.
"Quite confident dancing, Charmé." Draco said as a sideline while cutting his meat.
"Was he praising me?" 
"I know." I said only and took a spoon full of rice.
"But Lirim is a good dancer too! He lead me that good!" I added.
"Of course! That must be the reason! I saw you dancing and you looked quite like a hippogriff!" Parkinson said and I glared at her. 
"She danced graceful! That you couldn't do, Miss Perkinson." My date defended me and retorted before I could. I smiled at the face of Perkinson, she looked hilarious! 
I looked at my date and smiled at him more broadly. 
"Well, then lets change partners to see if he's the reason for your 'graceful' dancing." Draco said and stood up abruptly. I looked surprised at him and then at Perkinson. She surely wasn't happy with that. I looked at my partner and he nodded very assuring. 
"Show them what you got!" He whispered and I smiled. But honestly, I didn't want to dance with … Draco.
My date stood up and offered Parkinson his hand and Draco offered me his. I took it and he lead me to the dance floor where Neville and Ginny and a few other students danced. Draco put his hand on my hip and the other under my shoulder. Suddenly he pushed me to him and started dancing. I tried to ignore my uncomfortable feelings and concentrate on the music but it was hard, not only because his ice blue eyes were piercing me. 
Then I had an idea.
"Neville! Want to dance with me?" I shouted over Draco's shoulder. Neville looked surprised and nervous and he thought very hard to accept my offer or not. He looked at Ginny and she nodded, I think she understood me and my … position. 
Finally, Neville nodded and came closer to me and Draco. I tore apart from Draco forcefully and left him there alone, baffled. He couldn't believe, I was leaving him for Neville. 
"Thanks." I whispered to Neville and felt immediately relaxed, although he might felt nervous. "Just concentrate on dancing, Neville." I said and then he forgot his nervousness. We danced there quite a long time and after every minute of dancing we got more comfortable with each other and we talked and laughed. Neville was changed completely and dancing and balls did him definitely good.
The song ended and we released each other. 
"Thank you very much Neville. It was wonderful! It was amazing!! I enjoyed it very much!" I smiled at him. 
"You enjoyed dancing with HIM?!" I turned around and looked at Karkaroff. "I think I should show you what a good dance means." He grabbed me by my hand and forced me back to the dance floor. I was surprised by his sudden interest in me but yet I tried to release my hand. Nevertheless, he was too strong and I had to dance with him. Moreover, everyone stared at us and therefore it would be very impolite to 'refuse' a dance with the guest headmaster. 
"In which strange situations do I always get into?"
Karkaroff pulled me tightly to him, more close than Draco did and I felt his stare on me. I turned my head to the side, otherwise I had to face his stomach. He pulled me more close and I didn't had any option than touching his stomach with my cheek, just what he wanted. 
One of his huge hands covered my waist, the other one was just above my tailbone and it seemed that they went deeper and deeper and tighter and tighter.
I closed my eyes to suppress my tears of embarrassment and inability to free myself from him. 
"Did you really believe you could get away from me?" He bowed his neck and whispered into my ear. His breath hit my neck and goosebumps appeared there. I shivered. 
"Did I really believe that?" 
"If there wasn't Dumbledore, I would already-"
"Igor." The voice to my rescue interrupted him.
He released me and I looked up. It was Snape. He called for him. Snape passed us and walked out the great hall and Karkaroff followed him, leaving me there, not deigning to look at me again. I still stood there shocked and my mouth tasted bitterly. How ever, I walked back to my table and to my date. 
"Maybe you should ask Filch for dancing too. He would be pleased to dance with someone beside his cat." Perkinson said as I sat down. I was annoyed by her and just wanted to avoid her. 
"I am outside." I said and got up again to walk out.
Snow was laying everywhere outside and it was a chilly night. It was too cold for me in my dress and I obviously started shivering. My arms wrapped around me, I sat down on a bench and listened to the night. Grasshoppers, the buzzing of fairies and chatter was heard. I guess there are lots of couples hiding behind a tree and kissing each other. I smiled sad. 
"What if Snape and me were one of those kissing couples?" I thought. I sighed melancholically. 
I closed my eyes and imagined tonight with Snape on my side. How he would wait for me to come, how he would offer me his arm and how I would take it. Then how he would pull out a chair for me and how we would eat together. How we would dance together, very close, me resting my head on his chest. How we would go out, sitting on this bench, well hidden behind bushes. How we would chat and laugh and get more and more intimate. How we would notice that it was too cold for me and how he would wrap me in his robe. And how we would finally fill the gap between us, me leaning shyly forward, he leaning thirstily down to let our lips touch and get ourselves lost in that precious moment. 
Suddenly I realized that I got warmer and I stopped shivering. I opened my eyes and felt a robe around my shoulders. My heart skipped a beat in happiness.
"Did he…? I mean… HE?!" I thought excited and looked up. My happiness vanished away, it was not him, it was my date.
"Thanks." I said forced. He sat down beside me and I moved a little away.
"A beautiful night." He said and I nodded.
"And quite cold." He said. A huge white cloud of steam came out of his mouth and he started rubbing his hands. I felt very guilty.
"I am sorry. You don't have to give me your robe. Wait. Here, you can have it back." I was about to take the robe off but he stopped me. 
"I would prefer something more practical." He smiled and wrapped his arm around me to pull me close to him. At first I felt uncomfortable but then I thought: "Oh just fuck you shyness and fuck you Snape! You won't be mine but I want to experience love! And I will!!" I snuggled me against his chest. He laughed a little and pulled me more close to him. I buried my nose into his neck and was surprised that he smelled good too but very different from Snape. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of protection and safety but moreover love. 
"Do you feel warmer?" He asked me after a while. I nodded into his neck.
"Well, I am still cold. Maybe we could do something about it?" I looked up. "We?" I asked. 
"Yes, we." He smiled more broad and leaned down to me for a kiss. I was surprised and suddenly worried. 
"I don't know how to kiss! I've never kissed someone before! What if it's really bad and he's disappointed?" I thought madly. 
"10 points from-" We tore apart in shock. Snape interrupted us and somehow I was relieved he did. 
We both looked sheepishly at Snape. I thought that there was jealousy reflecting in Snape's eyes and that confused me.
"You! Back inside!" He barked and made us both startle up. My date looked one last time at me and walked away.
"You. Detention. Now." Snape said. I thought about what happened for a second. 
"Don't you hear?" He said as I remained on the bench.
I thought and decided something. I decided that I want to feel that safety again.
"Sorry, Professor, but I can't because you interrupted us at something very important." 
Then I walked away, to the great hall again and left a baffled Snape.
But then I stopped. 
"Was I really preferring him than Snape? Was he worth of it? Could he even compete with Snape? Could Remus compete with Snape? And whom would I prefer from them? Remus? Or Snape?" I shook my head. 
"What was I thinking? This was about Snape and my date right now! Not about Snape or Remus!" I thought angry.
But as I was busy thinking whom I would prefer someone grabbed me by my arm and pulled me to the side. 
"Wise decision to come out. Dumbledore won't disturb us now." My blood froze and I stopped breathing. Karkaroff was in front of me, looking thirstily on my bare neck and my indicated breasts in my dress. I pulled my arms around my neck and breasts to hide them from him.
"Nah, Nah, Nah. You don't need to be ashamed or shy, you are looking breathtaking." He whispered low and came closer. I backed away from him but there was no room, I was already touching the stony school wall with my back. I tried to think clear but it was impossible. He was just too scary.
"Don't worry. You will enjoy it." He said and grabbed my arms to pull them away. I fought back and tried to release them from him but he was still too strong. Then when my arms were pulled aside he pushed me with his body weight against the wall and made me motionless. 
"Let me go!" I said weakly but he didn't seem to only hear it. 
He leaned forward and buried his nose in my neck. I whimpered. Then he moved his nose from one side of my neck to the other side while his hands touched my waist and breast greedily.
"You smell delicious." He said and growled.
I cried and prayed that somebody might come to my help.
He unzipped my dress then and revealed my shoulders. I screamed. 
"Don't worry, I will go further down. Just let me taste a little more." He said and started kissing and licking all my neck and my bare shoulders. I screamed and flailed at Karkaroff but it didn't make any difference. He was controlled by his instincts and impulses and I was at the mercy of him.
Nevertheless, I still tried to beat him or calling for help.
"Help! Help! Please!" I shouted as loud as I could.
"Shut up, My Lady! Or somebody will hear us." He laughed into my shoulder and bit it. I screamed. 
"Stop! Stop!" But he only went more deep and moved to my breasts now.
"No! Nooo!" I shouted and tears rolled down. 
"What is going on here?" Snape said and made Karkaroff stop. 
"Sn-Snape." I said relieved and still pressed against the wall.
"Release her, Igor." He said with his wand pointed at him and Karkaroff obeyed reluctantly.
I immediately ran towards Snape and hid behind him. He put a protective arm around me at once and still pointed the other at Karkaroff. 
"I believe you are very aware of what you were doing, Igor?"
"I am!" Karkaroff said arrogantly.
"I only did what you couldn't do because you're a coward and Dumbledores kissass!" 
I felt how Snape tensed under my hands. 
"He's not!" I shouted suddenly. I didn't know where I got the power to say this.
"How about Dumbledore hearing this?" Snape went on, Karkaroff lost his arrogance at once and looked quite scared. 
He shook his head. 
"No, no, Severus, my dear friend. Can't you remember when I helped you back when-" 
"My memory is quite good. I believe yours is not that good because you forgot that I still can call Dumbledore any time." They stared at each other, as if they talked with their eyes, and Karkaroff left just like that. 
I was shocked. How could Snape let Karkaroff go, without any consequences?!
"H-How could you…!" I said weakly from his back.
"H-he tried to- to rape me!" Right then I lost my strength and fall on my knees and cried only. But before I fell down on the white snow, Snape grabbed me. He hold me very close to him to keep the balance and I turned to him and hugged him. I needed someone to console me, I needed him. 
Snape just stood there, not knowing how to react, while I cried in his chest. I noticed how his hand moved to my back and zipped very carefully my dress.
Just that made me to realized that I was crying on Snape's chest. I promised to never cry in front of him and now I did. I even cried ON his chest! 
I dried my tears suddenly and tore apart from him with my shaky legs. I didn't know if they were shaking because of the coldness or because of …
"You need to go to Pomfrey." He said calm.
"You just- let him GO?!" I shouted angry. His voice made angry and hurt and it all bursted out at once. 
He blinked surprised and turned to the normal Snape.
"Why shouldn't I? After all, it was your fault." 
Wait.
Did he really say, it was my fault?
My mouth opened in disbelieve.
"My … fault?"
"Of course. Who said you must tightly wrap a curtain around you? You're even half naked, it is that bad swaddled." He said snobbishly. 
"Wh-… a-a… my… wra-… curtain?" I stammered. He looked at me more cold than the snow around us and continued: " You INVITED him to rape you." 
I looked at him in disbelieve. 
"And you ruined my only left robe. The other one is still in your possession." He added.
I felt as all my spirits left me and I was only standing there, complete empty.
"I invited him?" I repeated calmly.
Tears rolled down my face and I tried all my best to shout at him.
"Well, professor, why did I only invite him?
Why didn't I invite anybody else? Why didn't I invite YOU?!" He gulped. I tried to take a breathe to have enough air to shout again.
"And that curtain is a unique singleton which is tailored by a great, great tailor in this world! And you just offended him and his work!"
I took a breath again.
"And next time you better take care of your clothes!" I screamed.
"And safe some money to buy more robes in the future!" I added after taking a breath.
"And you know what, Professor? You are a coward! You can't do something right or fight for it because you are a stupid, arrogant and unbearable coward!!" Then I run away. I didn't want to listen to his retort nor I wanted to face him anymore.
I entered the entrance hall of the school and found Hermione crying on the stairs. I stopped for a second, took a deep breath, dried all the remains of my crying and thanked silently for waterproof make-up. Then I walked up to her.
Right then my favorite song was played, which I asked for to be played today. 
You are so beautiful by Joe Cocker. 
How ironic! 
"Hermione." I said quietly. She looked up and started to cry more. I sat down beside her and took her in my arms. I didn't ask her what happened nor why she was crying, I just sat beside her quietly, suppressing my tears, fears and let her cry. 
Sometimes a strong girl like her gets weak too.
Sometimes a strong girl like her is broken in to a million little pieces too.
Sometimes a strong girl like her needs a cry too.
Sometimes? Every time when there is a boy involved. 
A boy who climbs the hard and stony wall of a girl to see the other side, where the worlds most unique sight is seen to him, the garden of a girls soul.
One girl tries to hide this most beautiful but yet most weak and frail part of herself until she believes she has found a gardener who can help her flowering the garden more to it's upmost. 
But such beauty is not everyone's cup of tea. Many boys get blind and evil, it makes them greedy and it makes them to lie. Some don't even know what lies in front of them!
But every now and then a boy says he is the best gardener on earth and he wants to take care of the garden but in reality he wants to steal all the fruits and seeds from this place to recreate this garden behind his hard and stony wall which is much higher than a girls wall. 
One girl believes him and gets fooled because she doesn't take the journey to climb the long, long wall of the boy and see the other side behind the wall, a bleak landscape but yet the most fruitful in the world.
Although the boy might has a fruitful ground to plant his prey, he doesn't understand that such place can't be rebuilt when it's once destroyed. 
Behind the boys wall there are different sunny days and different rainy days. The wind is blowing from a different direction and the thunder with his wife, lightning, is occurring on different occasions. There are different climates and different atmospheres. Both places are just too different.
In the end, the garden of the girls soul may be emptier than before and the wall for the protection of the remaining garden will be higher and harder but there will be always a boy who has a more higher wall. 
It is all a question of daring, allowing, endurance and trust to form the most heavenly and peaceful garden on the fruitful grounds of the boy with the seeds and fruits of the girls garden and the concerted climate and atmosphere of both… sometimes. 
This last 'sometimes' appears to be much rarer than the first 'sometimes'. 
Should a shy girl go out and search for those 'sometimes' to experience the best 'sometimes' of her life?
Should a girl let a boy climb her wall and reveal to him her most precious corner of her soul?
Should a strong girl confide in that boy who makes her believe he is her gardener and let him take a few fruits and seeds to create the most beautiful object in their lifes?

Girl, it's all a question of daring, allowing, endurance and trust.

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