Bite into me harder. Sink your teeth into my flesh. Hold me up against the wall, give it till i beg, give me some more …

Promise that you wont forget we had it all. I love you, my Kitten. - H xx


16. Sixteen


My heart thumped inside my rib cage, chest rising and falling rapidly under my cotton shirt. I gulped another cup full of water, squeezing the lifeless hand laced between my fingers. Breathe the little voice inside my head whispered, breathe being drawn in seconds after. My swelled eye lids managing to open and able to look at him.
He was picture perfect porcelain before me, shaggy brown strands of hair fanning out on the pillow behind his head and a few little strands loose on his forehead curling a little. I scanned his features…eyes circled with black, pale skin, rosy lips. The ghost white hospital gown washed out his usual tanned skin, looking closely checking his chest was rising and falling…it did, softly upon my gaze. I could feel my lungs inside my rib cage wishing I could transfer my speedy breathing into him, hoping his life would return.
A few lingering moments passed, the more I looked the slower time went feeling more like hours. I felt a hand lightly pressed against the middle of my back looking up to be met with eyes as puffy and red as mine. Liam always spoke about his sister, and judging from the small star tattoo under her ear this was the girl he’d spoke so highly of. I attempted a smile, the stretch in my lips hurting as I did.
“Hey, sweetie.” She softly murmured returning somewhat of a smile.
Hi…Yvonne?” I shakily exclaimed, questioning her name.
She nodded gently her hand wrapping around my shoulder slightly pulling me into her side. Yvonne’s loving touch calmed me a little, my breathing returned to a normal pace a sleepy feeling overwhelming my body. I sighed heavily unlacing my fingers from Liam’s cold ones before resting back into the chair. His sister sat upon the arm of the old armchair her finger clasped tightly around my shoulder still. She gestured me to sleep cuddling me into her side like Thorne always did when I wasn’t myself. I finally gave into the sleepy feeling, eyelids slowly darkening my sight as I drifted off. The sleep was much needed, body mind and soul immediately shutting off from the outside world. Mind wondering over the past events which I didn’t want to relive in my dreams, instead I search or what seemed like searching for something more. A sweet chime of laughter stored at the back of my mind for when I needed reminding that it was okay to not feel okay and admit it, the small chime that made even the darkest of days seem a little brighter. Liam’s laughter, from the first day we met rung through my thoughts, I was sure I was grinning like a fool but to hear its serenity and pureness was beautiful and I became at ease.

“I thought all of this was over in Spain, Von.”
“It’s not, Zayn. It never will be until they’re taken out. You know that.”
The voices surrounding me slowly shook me from my slumber. I could feel a woolly blanket covering my body, heavy but the warmth under it was toasty. I never wanted to leave the safety of this moment. I swallowed and listened to the voices around me hoping I’d drift back into my sleep.
“There isn’t much I can do, Von.”
“The police, Zayn. Call the police. This is attempted murder for god sake!”
Yvonne’s sudden raised voice shook my completely out of sleep. A hint of anger glazing it as she spoke, I remembered Liam mentioning she didn’t have a good temper.
“You know I can’t do that. If they go away so do we.”
She huffed, defeated at his words which is when I decided to make my presence known quickly clearing my throat. Both eyes immediately met mine, shock mixed with sincerity. Yvonne’s hand, that seemed not to have left my shoulder, rubbed up and down my lower arm lovingly.
“How is he?” I crocked.
“Stable.” Zayn nodded, the corner of his mouth lifting a little.
I nodded stretching out my arms and my legs before standing. I cast my eyes upon Liam, his skin paler than I remember from last night. I squeezed his hand smiling a little knowing stable meant good, and good meant better and better meant alive. Liam was alive, which is all I wanted in that moment.

Hospital food wasn’t my favourite thing on the planet, especially if it was mash potato. Lifting a little up on my fork to have it slip right off making possibly the most horrid noise. I looked up as Thorne giggled, the disgust spread across my face turning a little happier upon seeing her smiling baby blues. Looking into them I missed Liam’s, I missed every little detail about him and although he wasn’t gone it sure as hell felt like he was.
“How you doing, kiddo?” she smiled taking hold of my hand from across the table.
“I’m okay, he’s stable…and that’s a good thing…”
“You haven’t…”
I shook my head “no” before she could finish her sentence. I hadn’t forced myself to be sick, I had been good like I knew she had. She was still in long sleeves though hiding away even though she knew we all loved the scars as part of her, but I understood why she was ashamed and upset about her darkness. She thought like I did, the little voices controlled her overpowering themselves over her own conscious. But I knew together we could concur this depression.
“I’m proud of you.”
My eyes were again met with her blue orbs, her words taking me back a few steps. No one other than Cathy had said they were proud of me and Thorne almost nailed it looking like her mother and even sounding a little like her. My brain shouted for me to breathe again and I returned back to the table I was sitting at.
“I’m proud of you too, Thorne.” I whispered looking down at my plate.
“I’m sorry you’re hurting, Sel.”
My breathing quickened as I felt tears filling in my eyes, I didn’t want to cry in front of her or in this cafeteria. Her thumb rubbed across the back of my hand, soothing my thoughts.
“Get off, people will think we’re dating.” I joked as the exhausting emotions slowly faded.
“Alright, alright.” She chuckled. “Love you to.”
About half an hour passed before Zayn appeared in the doorway of the hospital cafeteria. He nodded towards us before strolling over. Black hair perfectly styled as usual, even in the midst of all the drama it seemed to remain perfect. Hands in the pockets of his black biker jacket, torn jeans covering the length of his legs, crisp white Hi-Tops plodding along the tiled floor towards us.
“Hey, Zayny.”
“Thorne.” He spoke gently before turning to face me. “Aye, Sel.”
I smiled focusing back on the plate before me. Yucky plate, I thought poking at the colourless vegetable. Zayn sat down immediately engaging in conversation with Thorne, the pair were just like her and Freddie. In the moments watching them giggled and banter on about nothing and everything I couldn’t help but grin. The sound of their voices brought me the same happiness Liam’s beautiful laugh did, not the same type of love but definitely happiness.
I searched around the empty room, rain clashing against the windows as the thunder clapped away in the distance. A few nurses entered and exited with their clipboards, a doctor collecting a snack from the vending machine. All plain and simple people getting on with their day as usual. I sighed before turning my head back towards the door frame contemplating whether or not to go back and sit with Liam.
I pressed my palms flat against the plastic table getting ready to stand, hair falling over my shoulders. I sighed getting up and putting my plate into the stack of trays that was standing near what I assumed was the kitchen door. Head down I started walking towards the door leading back into the stairway. I pushed against the door, the cool air whisping across my face. I looked up when I felt a shoulder clash, my mouth opening to apologise but stopping agape when I noticed who it was standing in front of me. The blonde girl looked horrified to see me, the brightness in her eyes weakening. I watched as she took a long slow gulp tightening her grip around the terracotta pot she was holding. Her lips slightly curled into a shadowed smile before she scampered away towards Zayn and Thorne. My breathing had once again quickened, the anger in my blood boiling as I stomped back into the food area.
“You bitch!” I shouted catching almost everyone’s attention.
The girl stopped in her tracks, half way between myself and my sister with her back still facing me. It was silent for a moment, Zayn’s black quiff coming into view as he stood.
“Bella…” He breathlessly spoke, shock spreading across his features.
“They told me you were here, and I just wanted…”
“Don’t talk to him!” I shouted, my fists balling with anger. “This is your fault, Liam is in there because of you.” I stormed closer towards her shoving her back. I stopped for a brief second rethinking what I was doing…the powerful feeling I felt was overwhelming, I craved it again.
“Ow…bitch, what’s your problem?!” she hissed placing the plant on the table finally facing me.
“Don’t you dear! This is all your fault, Zayn being humiliated in front of everyone because of your lies and now this!” I shoved again, blood boiling.
The moments passed quickly, I kept shoving although the screams from her mouth and from Thorne told me to stop I couldn’t. I was beyond angry, upset…and I wanted her to know what she had done wasn’t just going to blow over like I assumed she thought. Police or not, she would pay.
“Selena stop, babe please…Sel…” Thorne screamed taking hold of my upper arm.
The emotions that were building up inside of my chest started to hurt me internally, my eyes begun blurring and my body became weak causing me to loose grip of her shirt. The tears flooded and Thorne’s arms engulfed me to her chest protectively.
Remembering her name was Bella as Zayn spoke, checking if she was alright…my heart ached when I didn’t hear him ask her to leave. Having her in the same room as me, knowing all of this was because of her little lie hurt beyond compare.
“Zayn…she doesn’t need this.” Thorne spoke, begging him to get rid of Bella.
I heard him exhale loudly, and I knew he would do what was right for everyone and put his needs aside. I felt terrible about hurting her, because Zayn liked this girl but I also knew from stories that Jessica wouldn’t just explode like that if she wasn’t fed some kind of lie.
“Bell’s…I need you to go.” He said blankly.
A muffled huff escaped her lips before soft footsteps headed towards the door. I looked up at Zayn pleading for him to forgive me which, being the gentleman he is, opened his arms for me.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered.
The three of us walked back to Liam’s room, myself still tightly clinging to Zayn until we arrived back in the peach coloured room. I took my place in the chair next to my boyfriend’s bed, the same tears escaping the slits in my eyes. I pressed a kiss to Liam’s frail hand letting all my tears out.
“I love you, Liam. Please don’t leave me, don’t leave us.” I whispered still keeping my forehead rested against his wrist.


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