Bite into me harder. Sink your teeth into my flesh. Hold me up against the wall, give it till i beg, give me some more …

Promise that you wont forget we had it all. I love you, my Kitten. - H xx


5. Five



I wandered down the corridor leading to the pool area. Niall was pacing the length of the pool gracefully while Liam stood keeping an eye on the stop watch he was holding. I nodded towards him, keeping my distance from the edge of the water before finally taking a seat next to the lockers.
“You can join you know.” Niall winked from the edge.
I shook my head, a smirk playing on my lips as I looked over at Niall climbing up the ladder. The droplets of water suddenly dropped in a slow pace to the ground taking my mind back to my many encounters with my fear.
I must have been 5, 6 at the least, a simple holiday with the family. I knew nothing other than how to put jigsaw puzzles together, play with WWE wrestling dolls and kick a ball around. I remember my mum being particularly proud, I had just started Recorder classes and she seemed to like I was getting involved in school even though I was just a small child. My much older cousin, who as I remember used to bully the three of us around, treat us like his servants. He got the privilege to keep an eye on us while everyone else sipped on their drinks at the bar. A simple game of truth or dare. But I was 5, what did I know? I always loved playing in the splash pool at home, mum liked sitting with me in summer. But that day Daryl decided I was too big for a splash pool, it was time to swim with the big boys. He was nice at first, helping me in, holding my head up until he dropped me just outside of my comfort zone. I couldn’t touch the bottom nor could I flap my arms quick enough to keep my head above the water. I remember the feeling of breathing in the cool chlorafide water. It jugged down my throat as I gasped what air I could. My heart was racing, im sure fast enough to make waves. I could feel I was crying but obviously the water covered up that emotion. Panic took over and I couldn’t breathe anymore. I could hear chuckling from above then the water filled my ears. I let go, at five years old I let go.
“Zayn…god Zayn!” I heard screaming from above the water, “ZAYN!”
Liam’s voice shook me from the memory of drowning. I began breathing softly again although I could feel my heart thumping against my rib cage.
“You alright mate?” Niall appeared in front of me rubbing his damp blonde hair with his hand towel. I nodded taking in another gulp of air, which to my disgust tasted like chlorine. The memory was strong, it burnt a hole in my brain forever going to be planted there, just reminding me.
I smiled at Liam and Niall while lifting up my bag. “Haz asked me to fetch him from Studs, then we’ll pop on over to yours.” I spoke to Liam.
“Great, we’ll see you there mate.” Liam patted my shoulder giving me a reassuring nod.
I sighed as I watched the two of them walk away.
“Was a good time aye Li?!” was the last thing I heard.
I gazed back at the still pool, it looked inviting and I wished I could swim but just the thought of not being able to breath put me off. I grunted before heading out of the large room. The corridor I had wandered down half an hour ago seem cooler than the pool area, I shook off my observations as a familiar cackle rung in my ears.
Megan and Phil were conversing in the hall by his office. She stood with her back against the wall, one leg up giving Phil a generous look at her inner thigh. I rolled my eyes as her flirtatious cackle sounded again. The buzzing of my phone in my jean pocket took my attention from the two bodies as I walked past, greeting them with a tilt of my head upwards.
“Alright mate?”
“Yeah mate, just checking you’re still picking me up?” Harry shouted into the phone.
“I have the Rover Haz, of course I’m still picking you up.” I laughed. 
Harry mumbled the rest of his sentence as I strolled down the steps into the car park.
“Look mate, I’ll see you in 10.” I cut him off when I noticed a blonde girl staring at me from beside a BMW parked in the undercover section of the carpark. I cocked my head slightly grinning at her. Her body stiffened at my gesture.
“Alright love.” I shouted.
She weakly smiled which made me more curious. Who was she? I thought when she climbed back into the car. I climbed into the driver’s side, starting the engine of Harry’s Range Rover. The drive to Studs was a short one, straight through the center of London. I noticed a few familiar faces as I drove through the streets and some seemed to be familiar with the car I was driving. I never understood until I met Harry why people acted around him like they did, always cautious. But what amazed me more is how he portrayed himself around others. Harry was very forward, yet he was shy. Especially around those who knew him.
I groaned at my thoughts as I pulled up outside Studs Music store. I locked the car, shoving the keys in my jacket pocket before entering the shop. The bell on the door rang and quickly closed behind me. Harry was stood behind the decks with Felicity, the owner of the store. He had headphones around his neck, one placed on his ear which he held. He quickly moved the records back and forth bopping his head at the sound. He quickly caught hold of my eyes smiling largely, obviously pleased with himself. I wandered over, hugging Felicity before shaking Harry’s hand. He took off his headphones placing them on a stand then wandered from behind the counter. His height was obvious as it always was, him being the tallest out of all of us.
“Cheers Fell.” He greeted her slinging his duffle over his shoulder.
“Good day then?” I joked as I handed him his keys.
“Yeah, not too bad. How about-”
 “Been a long time lads.” The voice that cut Harry off seemed awfully familiar and as the figure that belonged to the voice appeared before us, I knew why.
“Christopher.” Harry sighed.
“Alright boys.”
Christopher was on height with Harry, a bit larger in size and definitely in weight. He smiled at me darkly before quickly turning back to face Harry.
“Zapper wants you lads next Friday night.” He smugly laughed rubbing his index finger against his lower lip. “You boys in?”
Harry shot his gaze in my direction his eyes were wide and bright like a child on Christmas morning. I nodded adding a painful sigh.
“Yeah we’re in. You the one throwing punches then?” I said a little louder than I should have, confidence suddenly kicking in.
Christopher’s eyes pierced into mine, darkening as his stare grew. The right side of his mouth curved slightly as he exhaled quickly.
“How about you shut your mouth aye!” he snapped pressing his chest up to mine.
“You want a fight big boy, you got one!” I spat back shoving against his shoulders. Christopher swung an arm around which I quickly blocked, the strength knocking me back a couple of steps. I swung my fist around hitting him square in the jaw before my back flattened against the car. Harry’s hand was pressed against my chest and his other pushing against Christopher who growled under his constant breathing. I narrowed my eyebrows, pressing my lips together in a hard line before swallowing long and hard. I could feel my blood boiling inside my veins something I hadn’t felt in a while. The feeling ignited the side of me I had been keeping away, my emotions somewhat melted under the heat from my boiling blood. All I wanted was my fists hitting down hard on his skin.
“Hit my mate again chav and you’ll be sorry.” Harry’s voice was rough in his throat, the words of his sentence meaning a lot more to Christopher than to myself. As the three of us stood in silent protest for what seemed like forever, the aftermath of Harry’s words washed over Christopher. His face turned a paler shade of the white it already was. I watched as he swallowed his words wiping the smeared blood from his nose before backing away.
“See you lads in the pits.” He chuckled as he walked back to the empty street.
Harry said nothing after Christopher left; he yanked at the driver’s door climbing in before giving slamming the car into gear.


I had quickly become friends with Thorne and in some respect Niall too. But I couldn’t help but feel a slight danger to him. He looked pretty harmless, but then again most people do.
Thorne was sipping on her Starbucks coffee she had just purchased. The heat radiated off of it into the winter air. I sighed fumbling with the zip of my jacket as I thought out a subject to talk about. I mentally kicked myself as a certain blonde boy kept creeping into my thoughts.
“Is Niall alright?” the words spilled out of my mouth before my mind could even process what it wanted to say. She quickly turned her head to face me with an odd look spread across her face. I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth dropping my head as I shouted inside my mind.
“Yes Dacey, he is wonderful.” I could hear the laughter in her words.
“Just laugh, its fine.” I smiled sarcastically.
She nudged my shoulder with her elbow forcing me to look into her eyes. Her blue ones held onto mine and I watched as her hardened face softened. Thorne smiled taking another sip of her coffee.
“Why do you ask?” she said a little more concerned. I kept my lip still locked between my teeth thinking about my choice of wording before I spoke.
“Oh I was just wondering. You know, as you do. He’s very charming.”
 “That he is Dace.”
“And…oh it doesn’t matter.” Thorne stopped in front of me, the slight height difference showing. She raised her eyebrows smirking as she watched me quiver over my stumbling words. “I find him…well I like him.” I finally stated.
“Well if you like him, tell him.”
I sighed; I couldn’t just simply tell him. I hardly knew him. I rolled my eyes letting my head drop a little. Thorne’s sleeve caught my attention, the white material of the jumper held a red stain which looked to be seeping through the cotton.
“Thorne you’re bleeding!” I shrieked grabbing at her arm.
She quickly snatched it away pressing it to her chest.
“Thorne!” I protested.
She moved herself to the side of the street, sitting down on one of the tables of the pub behind us. Thorne angrily grunted holding her arm out for me. I peeled away the sleeve to reveal various cuts scattered up the underside of her arm. I gasped at the horrific attack she had inflicted on her skin and looking at her she seemed to not be bothered she hurts. More mortified I had found out. I dabbed the blood with a serviette building up the courage to look her in the eyes. Thorne’s eyes swelled with tears, which fell as she blinked them away. I sucked in a deep breath as I built up the strength to lift my own sleeve. Thorne’s eyes widened as the scars covering my skin became visible.
“Dace. You…you shouldn’t.”
“I don’t anymore.” I whispered quickly pulling my sleeve down.
Her lips quivered as she tried to speak, nothing but, “How?” came out.
I gulped down a breath, “I never believed I was worth anything until someone told me otherwise. He was a nurse…” both Thorne and I chuckled at the term. “…I attempted suicide and ended up in the hospital. He said it wasn’t my turn to go yet which I believed. The time we spent together was more of a brother/sister one and I liked it as I didn’t have an older brother myself. He made me believe, Thorne that I am something, no matter how shit I feel about myself. If I take my life, the only place I’ll shine is in the sky.”
Thorne’s head rose as I spoke my last sentence, her blue eyes glistening from her tears. I smiled sweetly pulling her jumper back down. I nudged Thorne like she had me a few moments ago earning a smile from her. She squeezed shut her eyes as she giggled dropping her head as she did. Over the past few weeks I had noticed it seemed to be a habit, a self-conscious trait of hers. I had noticed a lot about Thorne over the past few weeks, most of which resembled myself. I felt like I was watching myself crumble away and even though it wasn’t me I was seeing, I wasn’t the type to let her wither away alone, or thinking she was nothing.
She let go of a throaty sigh before standing quickly. Thorne tossed the bloody serviette into her handbag then placed the chair back under the table neatly.
“Dace…” she hummed. “I think you should tell him.”
A little spark flickered inside my stomach as Thorne spoke. A smirk played on my lips as the blonde haired boy crept yet again into my mind, caressing my thoughts with his thick accent and beaming blue eyes. My eyelids slowly shut long lashes touching my cheek before fluttering open again. Confidence overtook my entirety, a small little girl smiling wildly in the back of my mind pushing me to do something I never thought I was capable of achieving.


I watched as Liam drove off into the darkness not at all wanting him to go. I let go of a sigh as I returned back into the house. Paul’s shouting filled the house, echoing off of the walls. I was sure most of the street could hear the fight. Cathy screamed back, I imagined how she would look as she was very emotional. Her sobs soon followed.
I flicked through the channels trying my best to block out their screaming. The whole house suddenly went silent for a short moment before the bedroom door slammed.
“I am leaving in ten minutes Cathy!” he screamed.
A few seconds crept by before Paul’s footsteps could be heard thudding down the stairs. I turned to look at him as he stomped past the living room door. His face red with anger and eyes swelled showing he had been crying. His brown eyes caught hold of mine stopping the examination that was progressing through my brain. I swallowed, Paul still made me feel terribly uncomfortable. A grunt emitted from his throat before tearing his eyes from mine. Paul slammed shut his study door, smashing of glass soon following the silence he had created.
I jumped up from the warmth of the blanket, creeping up the staircase. Cathy was dabbing her face with tissues trying not to smudge the remainder of her make-up. I softly knocked on the door waiting for her to invite me in. she did so a few moments after sitting herself down on the stool.
“Your father is not all that bad, just got one of those tempers.” She stuttered.
She reapplied the eyeliner that had run along with mascara before softly brushing her cheeks with a rosy blush. I smiled as she patted the front of her dress, shaking her hips lightly.
“You look beautiful.” I whispered picking up the purse.
Cathy gently smiled, only the corners of her mouth rising. She took hold of my hand tightly as we walked down the stairs. Paul unlocked his office seeming a little more content as he watched us both wander down the stairs, Cathy seemed to float more than actually walk. As she placed her right foot to the carpet of the hall, Paul slipped his arm around her waist pressing a tiny kiss to the corner of her mouth.
“I’m sorry my love.” He spoke delicately into her ear.
She nodded kindly accepting his apology before turning to face me.
“Tell Thorne I love her.” She whispered. “See ya sweetcheeks.” She winked.
Both of my parents disappeared out into the streets of London and I was left alone once again.

I shifted on the sofa as a gentle buzzing caught my attention. As I grew conscious from my sleep the buzz quickly turned into voices. I could pick out Freddie’s with ease then followed a deeper accent of an older male. I turned to see Chanel holding tightly onto Freddie’s left arm, her other one rubbing up and down the length of his broad back. He was slouched fisting his hair with his right hand. The male I had heard became visible, he was stood in the hall holding his police hat to his chest dressed in a black uniform. My breath caught in my throat as my mind trailed all the possibilities of why an officer would be standing holding his hat in the hallway of my house.
“She isn’t coming back for god sakes so don’t dare tell me it’ll be alright Chanel!” Freddie snapped. His temper scared me, sounding more like my dad as he spoke. He quickly left Chanel’s side rushing off into the kitchen. I heard her left go of a little whimper hastily covering her mouth with her hand.
“He’s just in shock love.” The office said to her placing a hand on her shoulder.
“Chanel?” I eventually managed.
She turned a little startled by my presence. “Sel…Selena.” She chocked.
I lifted myself from the confines of the warm blanket to walk warily over to her. She immediately pulled me to her chest. I gasped at the sudden affection she was showing. Chanel let go of a tiny yelp, nothing I had heard before and definitely not fake. I wanted to ask what was wrong, why was everyone so upset and angry but the words seemed caught up around my tongue. I looked into the officers eyes as Chanel released me from her hold.
“Thorne’s in the kitchen, she needs you more than me.”
“Freddie?” Chanel just nodded nudging me into the kitchen.
I swallowed hard as I wandered in, Thorne was sitting at the table staring into completely nothing. She was pale, tears stained her cheeks and a bluish colour washed over her lips.
“Thorne…” I murmured.
Razor blue eyes pierced into mine, the white of her eyes bloodshot and swollen. Her one fist was clamped tightly shut around something. I wasn’t able to tell what it was but I could tell it wasn’t helping her, tempting her so it seemed.
“Mum…mum’s…” she chocked on her words tears swelling in her eyes.
“Mum’s gone.” Freddie’s husky voice forced me to turn my head towards him. Gone, I thought. The meaning of his term soon washed over me, Cathy’s pale face disappearing from my grasp as my mind tried to hold onto it. My immediate reaction took me to Thorne. I swung my arms around her neck engulfing her into my chest. She let go of the cries she had been holding in as did I. I wasn’t sure of the length we stood in the kitchen sobbing into one another but I felt like I could never let go of her. A few moments later a small chime sounded beneath me. As I looked through blurry eyes I noticed a small silver rectangular object by my foot. A weak smile appeared at I realized what it was causing me to hold onto Thorne tighter. I pulled her face up so it was level with mine, Thorne quickly cupped my face.
“I’m so sorry you’ve lost everything.” She sobbed, tears rolling fast down her cheeks.
“I still have you.” I attempted a smile but as I watched her crying for the loss of her mother my heart tightened and I found my own tears running quickly off of my face. 

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