Your Life, Your Voice, Your Reason To Be

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9. Chapter 8


The last few weeks at work have been.. Quiet.  Zayn hasn't showed up to work since our afternoon lunch when I told him I wasn't leaving with him.  I assume he had got the message because I haven't even seen him around town or hiding out at the clubs James and I go to, he probably took my advice and went home.  Now that Zayn was out of my life, things seemed less stressful.  Work was enjoyable now, I didn't have to constantly worry about Zayn trying to get me to leave town.  Ashley's hormones also seemed to calm down after Zayn left; she wasn't screaming and gushing over him to me, which was nice.

As for James and I, things were the same as they always were. On the weekends we'd go to the club, I'd spend my time sitting at the bar drinking and gently rejecting all the drinks that were sent my way by other men while James was in the bathroom snorting cocaine or outback getting high.  I would help him to the car and drive home, but the night would never stop there.  We'd come home and as soon as we walked in the house James got what he wanted.  Whether he groping my butt or choking me, his hands were always on me after such a late night, but as the weeks passed, this happened less and less.

I don't know what changed, but something did.  I thought that maybe James was coming around; maybe he was realizing that he was hurting me during the beatings, but not just the beatings stopped either.  James barely touched me anymore.  No more simple kisses on the forehead hand or cheek.  There were no little pecks on the lips before he left to somewhere like he usually did.  There were rarely any more heated make out sessions where we were so consumed in lust and love, both too greedy to keep our hand off each other because in that moment we wanted the same thing.

I pictured Zayn in my head telling me that this was the time to leave, because I was investing more in the relationship than James was, but I scratched out those thoughts quickly.  I figured James was having trouble at work and that he was figuring out a different way to handle his emotions.  There isn't much more I can say other than wishful thinking.  I had hope things were turning around so I continued with work and living my life alongside the man I love, James.

But I was wrong.  James was figuring out to handle his problems in another way, but a way I would have never imagined.

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