Just Friends

I'd done it again. Once more, we'd gone that little bit too far... And the worst part? We're just friends.

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6. I'm Scared Jesse...

I stared at the clock on the wall. I wasn't going to school. Forget that shit.

"Rae?" Jesse knocked on the door of his own flat. He'd gone out to get some food, but the fact he hadn't come home for a whole day just pissed me off. He was probably with her. I grumbled and walked up to the door, my arms crossed over my chest. 

"Yeah?" I spat at the door, I knew I loved him. My bestfriend. But that's all we'd ever be. 

"Lemme in." I shook my head, forgetting the thick piece of wood between us. 

"Where have you been? A whole night, and you only turn up now?" I leaned on the door, I didn't even know what to do. 

"I've been with some friends. I got the food and shit coming back. I text you." I made a sarcastic laugh looking through my messages. 

"No you didn't! I didn't hear fuck all from you!" I shouted at the door. 

"Shit..." he mumbled on the other side, more to himself. "I must have sent it to the wrong person. I'm sorry Rae." He twisted the door handle. "Let me in. It's my flat." I sighed and unlocked the door, opening it wide and leaving it open to go into the bedroom. I heard him shut the door behind him. A naturally black Jesse walking in with a small plastic bag in his right hand. 

"So you did dye it-" I stopped, my eyes widening and his smile dropping from his face. "Have you been smoking?!" I said angrily, taking to my feet and pulling his coat to me, his leather jacket even stunk of smoke. It wasn't even the usual smoky smell. "What have you been doing Jesse?" I looked him in the eyes and coughed slightly from the stench on his clothes. He looked away from me and dropped the bag from his hand to rub the back of his neck. 

"I just met up with some old friends, I swear... It's nothing." Nothing? He stunk of something and looked like he'd been up all night. 

"Tell me!" I shouted at him. 

"No! Rae, you're not my girlfriend, you don't tell me what to do!" I snapped my mouth shut and stepped back. He pulled a bottle of some strong vodka out of the bag and snapped the top off, taking a big swig. His face scrunched up at the bitter taste. 

"Jesse.." I mumbled, he was drinking again? I thought he'd given this up? He was a college student... He wasn't old enough for this shit! How did he even get a hold of it? I guess he did look 18... But still! 

"What? Yeah, I'm stressed." I slapped him across the face as he took another swig from the bottle. 

"You gave this up!" I cried at him.

"Well I'm starting again alright bitch?" He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and stumbled into the kitchen. He slammed the vodka bottle down causing some of the liquid to spurt out. He took off the leather jacket and went into the bathroom, slamming the door shut. I jumped as the sound echoed through the flat. I crept towards the kitchen, and searched the pockets of his jacket. I had to know what was happening to my bestfriend. Else I might end up loosing him. I pulled out some receipts for alcohol and finally my fingers stumbled upon a plastic packet. I checked behind me and pulled it out. It was some tobacco and roll ups. So he was smoking! as I pulled the back out to hold it up, something else dropped from the bag. I dumped the packet on the table and reached down to pick up a clear plastic bag, with some sort of green coloured stuff. 'Stuff', was all I could label it as. I guessed it was some sort of drug. I prayed it wasn't something illegal. 

"Whats...?" I began. eyeing up the bag, but holding it a good arms length from me. 

"Weed." I jumped and dropped the bag on the table as Jesse came up behind me, rubbing his eyes. 

"Weed?! Jesse!" I covered my face with my hands. He took my hands from my face. 

"I swear, it's not mine... It's Daniel's." 

"Who the fuck is Daniel? And I don't want anything to do with it! Get it out!" I hit his chest and pushed away. "Fucking hell Jesse!" I screamed at him. What was he getting himself into? 

"Rae! Listen to me will you?" Jesse grabbed my waist and lifted me from the ground. He stunk of alcohol, and smoke. It was making me feel sick. It was so strong. As in, really, really strong. 

"What is there to listen to Jesse? You went out for a whole day and you suddenly start with you're old friends, drinking and smoking weed?" I thrashed at him, but even in his unstable condition, he held onto me. 

"No... I went to break up with my girlfriend... And then I went to get some shit, when I ran into some old friends. I had a drink, but they we're smoking, not me," He was calmer now and I could actually understand him now. 

"Then... Why do you have it all?" I sobbed. I don't like this. He sighed and buried his face in my hair. 

"Okay! I had a few... But I haven't done the weed, I swear Rae!" 

"You keep swearing! But you're lying to me!" Jesse tightened his grip.

"This I mean!" He gripped at my clothes. "Believe me!" He pushed me away and I fell to the ground. 

"Stop it! I don't like this!" I shouted up at him, tears on my face. "Your scaring me!" I sobbed. 

"Believe me!" He cried back. I closed my eyes and held onto my knees. He turned on his heels and grabbed the drug from the table. He pulled out a lighter from his skinnies and set it on fire. 

"Jesse! What the fuck are you doing! Jesse! No!" I screamed, he flicked the flame away and took the flaming bag into the bathroom. He dropped it in the toilet, and I heard it hiss as it made contact with the toilet. He flushed what remained of the ashes and came towards me. 

"Happy?" He screamed at me. I cringed as his words were thrown at me. 

"Jesse..." I whimpered. "Who are you?" I looked at him with wet eyes. Makeup staining my face. He ran a hand through his hair and went into the kitchen. I heard him clattering around with glasses. I even heard one smash. 'Shit' could be heard, but soon he came back to the bedroom, the vodka poured into a chipped glass. That doesn't change the fact he's drinking!

"I don't know... I don't know Rae." He murmured, sitting on the floor and sipping the glass with shaking hands. 

"Stop... Please..." I whimpered to him, tying to take the glass from his fingers. He seemed confused and without a seconds warning, he flung the glass and its contents at the wall. I followed it with my eyes as it smashed and stained the wall with vodka, shards of glass falling to the ground. 

"I..I... Want... You." He spluttered a little disorientated. My eyes widened even more, and I looked down at myself as he began smiling creepily. My clothes were crumpled and creased, revealing a lot of skin. I pulled at my top, and tried to calm my hair. "Right...Now." Jesse came onto me, his body pressing me back. His hand snaked up my top, and pulled my waist to him. "No more waiting. No more limits." He murmured, his breath rancid. 

"Stop!" I called, catching his hand as it began to reach my boob. 

"No!" He called back, pressing his lips to mine and silencing my cries. He parted my lips and began teasing me with his tongue. A tear escaped my eye. I wanted him... But not like this! Jesse's hand pushed under my bra and began caressing my skin with his thumb. A moan passed his lips as his other hand took my leg. I kicked him away and was about to run away, when he looped me into his arms and threw me on the bed. "Your right. Not there... Here." He gasped against me. His face disappeared from view and the next thing I knew, his lips were tracing from just under my bra down to my hips. 

"Jesse!" I hit him and his face appeared again. 

"Take your clothes off." WHAT? 

"No!" I whimpered. "I...I don't like this Jesse!" His face hovered over mine and I looked up into his eyes. 

"Where did you think we'd go? With everything we do? You want this." Jesse began nodding with a confident smile on his face. His fingers danced along the edge of my shorts. "You want me." 

"Please.." I closed my eyes and sobbed. His fingers pulled down the rim of my shorts a smirk present in his voice.

"Don't fight me Rae!" Jesse slipped his hand to the button on my shorts and fiddled with it until it became loose. 

"You're drunk!" It was the last thing I could think to say. 

"Maybe I am! But I don't give a fuck! Accept me Rae! I'm your bestfriend!" I shook my head as I began sobbing again. Jesse ripped the shorts from my waist, leaving only my underwear to show for my bottom half. 

"I don't want this..." I mumbled against his pressing lips. 

"You do." He forced his body against mine and I yelped as he held me down. He began kissing my neck and wrapped my legs over his body. Please! Jesse! Stop!


"Jesse..." I lost all energy, in fact I was exhausted from fighting him. I couldn't keep it up... Did I really want me. 

"I love you." Jesse's words seemed sincere in his breathless state. He silenced my words with another deep pressing kiss, one he held me to. His hands began wandering, up my leg, and back up my top, I couldn't help but moan slightly at the touch of his hands. I wanted to be his. I don't want anyone else to have him. He's mine. 

Even though he isn't....

Jesse's hand soon had my top off and was cupping my breast, I felt slightly violated, but I ignored the feeling and allowed him to touch me. I wanted him to touch me. Jesse broke our kiss to remove his top and pulled my hand to his jeans. I looked up at him with worried eyes. 

"Don't make me do all the work." He smiled at my cruelly and pushed my hand against his zip. I cringed slightly, but began undoing his jeans. He smiled and slipped them off. He kissed the lower pat of my thigh, then began dragging his head up my thigh. I caught his face, and brought it away. He was scaring me, but I didn't know how to resist anymore. 

"Don't... Don't hurt me Jesse..." I whimpered to him. I was so scared. 

"Awwh... My little virgin." He winked at me, but I knew this meant he wanted sex. It scared me. It was true. I was a virgin. Jesse kissed my jaw and down my neck again, causing my breathing to hitch slightly. 

I'm so scared.

 

 

What do I do now...?

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