Pain is Insanity

Rae is insane or so it seems. In an asylum she explains to a boy she has just met, her story. Why she is there - romance, betrayal, murder, insanity. This is not a love story. It's a story of madness.


3. Status Quo

"Come on then, I've told you mine. What's your story?" The boy, or Some as I am now calling him, perches on his bed and smilesat me.
"my story is quite long compared to yours." I say.
"Well it's not like we have anywhere to be." 
"This is true. Ok." I sit up. "When I was eight we moved from London to Coventry and I started going to school. So we will skip all of that till secondary school...."


"....The popular group dominated most of the school. I didn't assosiate with cliques. I mixed with all of them. But mainly I was on my own. I always hung around with the boys in the year above me, simply because they were like brothers to me. The popular group had two main people that were sort of like the 'queen and king bee' if you will, Kelly and Danny. Danny went to my theatre group with several other people: Calvin, Demi, James, Tracy, Jack and Hannah. It was like my second home. I started to get close to Danny and the day after my fourteenth birthday, he asked me out. I am not completly understanding of relationships any more. They do not make sense. People 'go out' even though they know that it has to end sometime. I just didn't understand. Anyway, I was 'in love' with him, or I thought so. He was kind to me and looked after me. Being his girlfriend made me change. I started wearing tight, skinny school trousers and leather mini-boots.I wore my school shirt tucked in and I died my hair from red to blonde. Everyone said it suited me better and I suppose it did as both my parents are blonde. I started wearing make up and suddenly I was popular. More popular than sophie. I am not trying to appear stuck up but it was everything I had ever wanted. I was beautiful and popular with an amazing boyfriend and it seemed as if everything was good however it wasn't. Danny's mother died and he went into a state of depression. He couldn't handle it and I did not know how I was supposed to react. I couldn't handle it and he could sense this so he told me to break up with him. He didn't want me to lose my popularity and everything I had gained by being dumped and so he had be break up with him, he told everyone that it was his fault but we were on good terms. He quit theatre. My new theatre partner was Calvin who was dating Kelly, the former 'queen bee'. I hadn't thought about it but I was now the queen bee as it were and I was quite aware that she despised me despite the fact I had been perfectly nice to her. Being Calvin's partner meant that during a production of the Black Rose, we had to kiss and I have no idea what this did to Kelly but I was reluctant. I found out later that Calvin had started to have feelings for me - something which, again, eluded me because he had a girlfriend. Kelly found out from Jack and cheated on Calvin with Jack. He was devastated. He lost, in my opinion, the perfect girl. Kelly wasn't fake, she wasn't 'bitchy'. She was naturally beautiful and liked for who she was. However it seems, she wasn't quite so perfect - she had a jealousy problem. They broke up and I felt as if it was my fault even though I couldn't think of what I did wrong; I was following a script. Calvin and I were close friends over a period of months. I was there for him I suppose, when he needed to talk. But then at the school Easter party he kissed me. I wasn't expecting it. I didn't even know how he felt about me. Kelly hated me even more and although she was now dating Jack, I could sense she still loved Calvin. I was Calvin's girlfriend. The term 'girlfriend' doesn't make sense but I never thought to question it. I did not want to be labled as 'weird' again. So there I was. Calvin moved to my school and we were together and everything was supposed to be perfect. Then there was Jack, you rememeber? Kelly's 'boyrfriend' . He wrecked everything. He wrecked my life. He was psychotic. I pity Kelly; she was the only innocent one. "

" Three months later Jack pulled Calvin to one side one day. Told him that I had kissed him. That it wasn't meant to happen. It just did. Calvin was, I think the term is, 'heartbroken'. Calvin went to - of course - Kelly for consolation. Calvin is a year older than me, mind, so he was fifteen at this point. Him and Kelly ended up - though I have no clue as to what led him to do it - sleeping together. I suppose, in a way, Jack was hoping for this to happen. Kelly broke up with him and Jack told me about Calvin. I acted completly out of character. I slapped him. I slapped Calvin. I have never hurt anyone and the last person I would ever dream of hurting was him. He told me that I had a nerve after I kissed Jack. I tried to explain that I hadn't, that Jack was lying but he wouldn't listen to me. He quit Theatre and moved schools; his reputation had gone downhill and the amount of hate he was getting on social networking sites because my 'friends' were sticking up for me. Jack was sixteen at the time. He told me he only told Calvin that to make him break up with me, he never wanted him to cheat on me; apparently Jack 'loved' me. A definate over reaction. He was pure evil, if I am permitted to say so. I didn't know this at the time. My downfall is my forgiving nature. I was too trusting; I don't trust anybody now, not even me, not after the decisons I made.

"I took pity on Jack, I was his girlfriend after two months of looking after him - I guess by now I found I couldn't say 'no.' I was now fifteen and it was his seventeenth birthday. I had been unaware that he was two years older than me however it did not matter really. My hair had started to darken back to its own colour, the bleach slowly growing out. I decided I needed a change. I did something stupidly extreme, I died my hair black. I did. I wore blue contact lenses and I looked practically unrecognisable. I couldnt recognise myself. I logged on to facebook to send a birthday message when someone popped up on my chat. A man saying he knew where I lived. He told me my address and my number and threatened to come to my house. These threats continued for almost three weeks. Then I noticed something. The way certain letters were missed out, how sentences were written and composed. Behind what I had become, I was still slightly geeky with a love for technology. I knew how to trace IP addresses and I did so. Finding out that my assumption was correct, I confronted Jack. He admitted. Unbelievably, he had made a fake account and driven me to the brink of insanity with anxiety and why? Because he 'loved me'. He explained while I sat there disbelieving. Danny, Calvin and Jack were brothers, each by different mothers. Danny's mother died, Calvin's mother was in prison and Jack's mother? Thier current step mother . He said he had loved me from the start, that I had broken his heart when I was with Danny and then when I was with Calvin, he stopped caring about everything. His grades dropped and his mother started hitting him. He had never told me once how he had felt and somehow, again, it was my fault. He blamed me for it all.


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