Lights

Hannah and Niall are newly engaged and getting married soon. It's so difficult when you know someone is the one and you always have to leave them. Between Hannah's modeling and Niall being in the band they're always traveling and to Hannah it seems like they're growing distant. Can the reignite that flame with their sparks? Or will they have to find some other outcome?

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10. Is this the end?

Hannah's P.O.V

I walk out of the bus and start fast walking around the venue, we're in Nashville and it could not have been a nicer day outside. I'm so mentally drained and I just keep walking, I run into one of the body guards who ask if I need anything and where I'm going. I just respond I'm fine and continue walking. I find myself in the arena and then I carefully slip past all of the crew and workers up to the top of the venue, I hate heights but right now they feel so calming. I sit at the very highest point and just sit. An hour passes and the crew has the venue almost half done, why am I like this? Yes my grandpa died he was a big part in my life but for some reason I feel empty and like I'm nothing. I can't provide for Niall anymore I'm not strong enough, and this baby what if I kill it before it's born just all because I'm not strong enough. It would be so easy just to go and leave all the struggle, right now I could. I know how and it would help everyone. They would be sad for a bit but not long, girls are dying to have them...wanting Niall. Anyone would be better than me, not give him such a hard time...allow him to enjoy his life and enjoy the tour.

"Hannah come on." Zayn says and I open my eyes and realize that I'm standing on the edge of the top of the arena, crew members looking at me, and then body guards around me but not getting too close. I don't even remember getting here. But now that I'm here I have to re-evaluate my life, did I want to make this decision? Would Niall really be better off with out me? "Hannah please come down." Zayn says again...he is normally so quiet not really talking to me he is gentle with me caring when I need it but never really in my life as much as the other boys. "Hannah I care about you and I will be devastated if you choose to do this." I spin around to look at him and almost loose my balance making everyone flinch. 

"I'm a hassle Zayn this...if I do this will be for the better." I say calmly with a smile not wanting to alarm anyone to stop me if I do this. 

"You're not a hassle! Could never be. We just want you safe babe. Please come down." 

"Zayn, stop it..." I say and cover my ears.

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!" Niall yells from the ground floor of the arena.

My tears start to fall now, Niall's voice is just so worried. I love him with all of my heart but I just can't go on knowing I'm hurting him everyday. "Zayn I'm so so so sorry." I whisper softly. Zayn's head starts to shake 'no' as I turn back around my eyes locking with Niall's.

"PLEASE DON'T" Niall shouts as he looks at me, I smile at him and blow him a kiss, and he takes off. 

"Zayn I don't want to do this anymore." I say looking at the long way down, fear now taking over my body. I look around and the crew members some hugging each other looking at me, others nervously peering on. Harry stands there looking at me his eyes wanted to cry but I knew that he isn't that much of a crier. 

"Come on. You don't have to do it. We can take care of you Hannah." Zayn says and I feel his presence get closer so I spin around and look at him.

"I don't want to cause trouble." I say looking at him.

"If you come down there won't be any trouble." he says opening his arms.

They look so welcoming but part of me is saying to end it here fall back you won't have to see yourself be crushed by the seats below. "Baby please come down." Niall appears from behind Zayn, Niall is only a few steps behind Zayn. "Come on Hannah, how did you even get here?" he asks.

"I don't know...I don't know Niall." I whisper putting my hands up to my face. Suddenly I'm being pulled down and then I was engulfed in warmth.

"Oh my gosh Hannah don't do that ever, ever again. Never. I love you so so so much. I couldn't imagine my life without you." he pours out his words and hugs me tighter with each word. "God I love you please don't ever leave me." he says kissing my head and holding me. I don't know what to say or what to do. I'm relived that I didn't do it but still part of me is pissed with myself. 

I'm sitting behind the stage curled up in a ball, I can hear Niall talking to the crew and everyone who is around telling them that if this gets out they will be fired. The boy's management is agreeing with them and saying that they don't want to ruin my life or Niall's. Therefore this stays on the down low. I haven't spoken a word since I've been brought down from the ledge. I look up from my knees and see Niall standing there smile on his face and his arms open wide. I take his hands and he pulls me up into a hug. "I am happy about our baby." he whispers into my ear, "I'm more than happy that you're still alive. And I'm ecstatic about the fact that we finally get to have a family together." he takes my hair in his hand and gently plays with it "After the concert tonight I've arranged for it to be just you and me and a few guards on a bus." I nodded my head and he looked at me "What can I do to help you?" he asked rubbing my arms.

"Well you could get me some jelly beans and you could kiss me." I said smiling. Niall laughed and then hugged me again. He placed his lips on mine and then he kissed my cheek.

"As for those jellybeans I can make that happen later." he says with a wink. I nod my head and then he takes me out to the back by the buses where Liam and Louis are playing with a soccer ball, alright I'm american no matter how much the boys make fun of me for it I'm saying soccer. I decide that I'm going to sit out and I go and sit and watch them fool around. Every few minutes Niall looks back at me to make sure I'm alright...it's nice having someone care...just when I thought no one did. I just I guess needed conformation. No it's not going to be immediately better...it never will be perfect. I will always have my little cloud of depression following me around. I'm good a springing back to life and I don't like to dwell in the past...I like to pretend it didn't happen...it helps me be happier most of the time.

"Come on." Louis says waving a hand to me. I stood up and walked over hugging myself...I don't really play sports and I was no where as good as them either. I walked over and then Louis kicked the ball over to me and I stopped it then kicked it back...but it didn't exactly go back to Louis more back to the other side of the lot.

"Whoops.." I said and shrugged Niall laughed and then jogged over to me and wrapped me up in his arms. Which earned a bunch of screams from the fans. Niall smiled and then waved to the fans getting more screams. "This is going to be everywhere online." I said softly.

"Let it." he says giving me a kiss and then he quickly walks over to the gate and starts interacting with them.

I walk back over to the bus and climb in it, I lay down in Niall's bunk and just cuddle up to the blanket that smells like him. "What made you do that?" Harry asks, I look over and he is sitting on the floor all shruched up. I looked at him and then scooted over on the bunk so he could fit. Harry got up on the bunk and then closed the little curtian. He looked at me and I could tell he was crying. "Please tell me why." he repeats now hugging himself.

"I was depressed...I felt like I didn't matter and that I was a problem that needed to be taken care of." Harry looked at me and then brought me close to him.

"You're not a problem. I thought I was going to watch you die...I thought I was going to watch the girl I love die." Harry said hugging me tightly. "I don't love you like marry you but you have a place in my heart and I couldn't bare to sit there and watch you jump." Harry hugged me tighter and kissed my head. "It's impossible not to love you...you're so loveable." I smiled and then kissed his cheek.

"Thank you for being here for me Harry...that's really all you can do for me.I don't know how I'm feeling...I just feel really alone and I feel like I can't support myself." he looked at me and then pulled the covers over us. 

"I'll be here for you forever. And I'm never going to let you ever feel alone." he said I smiled and nodded then laid my head down on the pillow. "You really should sleep. I promise I won't leave your side until someone comes to replace my position alright?" I nodded my head then Harry started to draw circles on my arm encouraging my sleep.

 

Niall's P.O.V

"Yeah no problem babe." I said to a fan who I just took a picture with.

"NIALL NIALL! I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU." One of them yelled that was a bit further away from me. I looked over and she was waving a bag. I walked over and then smiled at her

"What have you got there?" I asked and then she handed me a book to sign, I took it and began to sign it and she smiled at me.

"It's jellybeans and gummy bears and gummy worms for Hannah." she says I hand her back her book and then I look in the bag, "I saw your tweet...the one about not being able to go out and get jelly beans for her cause they wouldn't let you leave...So I bought some." I smiled at her.

"Wow this is really sweet of you. Thanks. I bet she will be so happy about this." the girl nodded and then smiled at me "What's your name sweetheart?" I ask looking at her drowning out all of the other fans.

"Nicole. here follow me on twitter." she says and hands me a piece of paper.

I look at it and then smile at her and pull out my phone and follow her straight away "Lookie done." I say and show her my phone.

"Oh my gosh thank you Niall!" she says starting to cry.

"Oh darling don't cry please." I said and reached my hand through the fence causing the guards to go into a frenzy pulling me back. "Aye" I shout and they get off quick. "Don't cry Nicole. This is really nice of you and I wish I could do more to repay you."

"Nothing you owe me nothing! Thanks so much for the follow and I can't wait to watch you tonight. Will Hannah be out?" she asks and starts rubbing her hands together, I'm assuming because she was already really nervous.

"I'll see how she's feeling but she's been having a difficult time recently and it would be really nice if all of you could keep her in your thoughts and please be nice...she really doesn't need hate." the girl nodded then I took a picture with her and then waved to everyone and left back to the buses. "Where is Hannah?" I ask looking around for her.

"Mate I think she went into the bus." Louis says stopping the ball. I nod my head and then make my way to the bus. 

I walk in and then hear small sniffling and little perks of snores that sound like Hannah's. I walk through to the back and notice the curtain on my bunk closed.

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