Letting Go

After being brutally abused by her father and outcasted by her classmates, seventeen year old Keller Alvidas is glad and even relieved to spend her last year at Edge-of-The-World, the sleepy small town she grew up in. Everything changes when the Gabriels, a group of orphaned teenage boys arrives. They break all her rules about meeting new people but they too have secrets and when the truth comes out Keller has to decide wether to let go and save herself or to continue to be dragged through everything she wanted to run away from, all for one chance she might never get.

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35. Should I Stay Or Should I go?

A/N

Sorry for bad writing on this chapter. I've been having writer's block lately (although that's no excuse) but I will be updating more since the competion I've entered is over. Thanks to anyone who has favourited or liked, you're awesome!

Keller's P.O.V

"How'd it go?" James asks anxiously, wrapping me up in a bear hug once I walked through the door. Part of me feels disconnected, almost broken. Why did that hurt so much?

"It went well I think," I say, falling down onto the sofa, getting tired again.

'What's wrong?" James asks suddenly, his brow furrowing. A sad little smile appears on my face.

"Well, a lot of things," I admit.

"What're you talking about?"

"Nothing," I say.

"I'm not five, I know 'nothing' means something," James laughs. I take a deep breath, I think I'm going to tell him about London.

"Promise not to get mad?" I ask, sticking out my pinky finger. He takes it, crossing pinkies and smiles at my childishness.

"Now, what is wrong in that life of yours?" he jokes. What an awful thing to say to a girl who's been abused. I push it aside and focus on what I was going to tell him, or else I might never be able to again.

"I got my acceptance letter from University," I say, all in one breath. He looks at me like I'm crazy for a second, but then smiles like I've won the lottery.

"That's amazing! How far is it from here? Maybe I can drive you?" he asks excitedly. I just wanna hold him right now, to stop the words spilling from my mouth.

"That's the thing, you can't exactly drive there," I say, squirming around a bit. He looks at me for several long seconds before understanding what I had said. Or maybe he knew what I was saying but he chose not to believe me.

"Keller, what are you talking about?" he ask, grasping my shoulders. I wince.

"It's not in the country, it's in London," I manage to say. He winces too, as if everything I've just said causes him great pain. I know it causes me great pain.

"You mean that we won't get to see each other?" he asks. I nod my head as he slowly let's go.

"Well, we gotta make these last few months work, right?" he says, faking a smile. I try to mirror his brillant smile back but fail misreably.

"About that..." I say, my voice trailing off again. The smile slips from his lips as he grips me again.

"What happened now?" he groans, getting more upset.

"I have to leave in two weeks James, for early placement," I whisper.

"You mean, after everything we've been through, you're still leaving me? After everything?" he says, shaking his head. He gets up and away from me.

"No! It's not like I have a choice James! I have to leave, I need to leave," I try to explain. No matter how fond I've grown of this town over the past months, it still reminds me too much of my father. I have to leave this place.

"Because of your father?" he asks, still knowing me better than anyone else. I nod, my eyes filling with tears.

"Well, who am I to hold you back," he says.

"I've wanted this more than anything," I assure, regretting the words the moment they leave my mouth. He flinches.

"More than me?" he asks.

"You know I love you," I say, trying to back pedal.

"You know I love you, but you didn't answer the question," he says, trying to fake lightness. Which did I want more, to be with James or to get away from my past?

"We can make distance work James," I say, avoiding the question.

"I guess that answers my question," he sighs.

"It answers nothing," I cry out. He walks towards me and slowly kisses my forehead. What is he doing?

"It's clear that you've chosen University over me, so I guess there's nothing left to do but leave you too. I love you Keller, but I don't want to hold you back from what you really want," he says, still holding me. A mintue later he leaves the room, leaving me feeling totally rejected.

I sink to the floor, feeling weaker by the second. Did James just break up with me? Did he seriously just leave me, now, of all times? I suddenly think about Ian, Ed, Al, and Will, I'd be leaving them too. Goodness, why can't I stop hurting everyone around me?

I want to stay here as long as possible, but not if it  means hurting everyone else. I know all too well what it feels like when someone hurts me.

The question remains: should I stay or should I go?

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