Letting Go

After being brutally abused by her father and outcasted by her classmates, seventeen year old Keller Alvidas is glad and even relieved to spend her last year at Edge-of-The-World, the sleepy small town she grew up in. Everything changes when the Gabriels, a group of orphaned teenage boys arrives. They break all her rules about meeting new people but they too have secrets and when the truth comes out Keller has to decide wether to let go and save herself or to continue to be dragged through everything she wanted to run away from, all for one chance she might never get.


33. Act Like They Care Less


Haven't updated in a long time and I'm sorry for that. Anyway, this story's going to end soon and I'm writing a sequel. Any titles would be helpful. Thanks for reading:)

Keller's P.O.V

Al told James. I feel dead. I wish I was dead.

"Tell me this is fake," he says. It is, I want to scream. It was all fake, Al imagined everything. But Al didn't, what he saw was true and if I tell James otherwise I'd just be making things worse. So instead I stay silent.

"Let's hear it." He rakes a hand through his hair, waiting for me to answer.

"Hear what?" I ask.

"Explanations, let's hear them," he says taking a seat furthest from me. I want him here, beside me but he won't come. I know it. Just put me in the grave already.

"I just went to check on him, Josh, and it just happened," I say. What a lame excuse, I don't even believe me.

"It just happened," he repeats hollowly. I nod again.

"Well, then two can play at that game," is all he says before he escapes into  his room.

I sit there dumbfounded, tears stinging at the backs of my eyes. I blink them back, I don't deserve to cry. My mind slinks back to Josh and then to James until their figures merge into one. I cast the thought away with revulsion, I'm a bastard for thinking of Josh and James when I clearly don't deserve either of them. In the end I do cry because no one's here to see me, to judge me for mucking everything up and complaining about it now.


It's been a week, a whole seven days and James hasn't talked to me once. He's pointedly ignoring me.

Another letter came in the mail from University. I have two weeks until early placement. Still utter radio silence from James.

"Hey Keller."

"Hey Ian."

"James' is still cut up you know."

"So am I"

"Have you apologised?"

"Don't you think I would if he would talk to me?"

"You don't need him to talk, he just has to listen."

That's the point where Ian walks away. I bang my locker shut and walk to math. Of course I apologised, any normal person would've by this point. And that's when I see them.

In slow motion, James and Sonia. I feel faint.

Sonia drapes an arm around James shoulders as they stand by her locker. She sneaks a quick glance at me and pulls James to her, evermore closer. What hurts the most is that James doesn't resist.  This is what he meant by 'two can play at that game'.

I swallow the bile creeping up my throat as Sonia and James stay practically glued together. Whispers circulate and giggles are directed at me. But I don't move, I stay frozen.

Did it hurt this much for James when he found out? Did it choke back tears? Did it leave his mind mucked up and thoughts scattered? Did it feel like he was falling?

Falling. I'm falling. My vision is blurred and out of focus. My chest hurts, I think I'm having a heart attack. Yes, that's what it's called, a heart attack. That's what it's called when your heart is falling out of your chest, right?

"Keller?" I spin my head around.

"Huh?" It's Josh. I manage a weak smile. "You got out of the hospital?" I ask.

"Yeah, I'm loads better so they decided to let me out early," he says somewhat shyly.

"That's good for you," I mumble as my eyes trail James and Sonia. She whispers something in his ear and he turns around. His blue eyes seeing through me, devoid of emotion. He turns around and winds an arm around Sonia's tiny waist, ignoring me yet again.

Kill me, why don't you?

"Do you want to?" Josh asks.

"I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"I just wanted to know if you wanted to walk to math with me?" he asks.

"Yeah, okay," I say and walk. Sonia and James keep their heads close together and laugh as we walk by. If James wants to turn this into a competition on who can act like they care less, so be it.

I grab Josh's hand as we walk and he squeezes mine in turn. It feels good to be wanted. James certainly isn't the one do that though.

"Should I take this as a sign?" Josh asks, lifting our clasped hands. I shrug.

"If that isn't," I say gesturing to Sonia and James, "then I don't know what is."


I'm getting ready for dinner with Josh when my door bursts open.

"You're going out with him tonight? After everything that happened?" thundered James, his face spotched red. I drop the earring I was holding and stare him dead in the eye.

"Yes," I answer.

"Why?" he commanded.

"You know why," I mumble.

"Enlighten me, why don't you?" he yells.

"You were with Sonia today! Need I remind you that she screwed my life up for the first sixteen years!" I yell back.

"Don't blame her, it was your dad who gave you the scar that messed up your life!" he says. I can't believe what I'm hearing.

"You're defending her?" I ask outraged.

"Yes, no. I don't know," says James, taking a seat on my bed. I scoot away from him. "Are you really going to dinner with Josh?"

"I can't stand him up," I say. He considers that.

"Look, about Sonia. I don't like her, honestly. She's clingy and too possesive. I just wanted to make you jealous," he admits. It is bad to be happy that he's finally talking to me?

"About that, I'm sorry about Josh. But it caught me off guard. I'm going to see him tonight and make things right. Okay?" I say grasping his hand. James pulls me to him and I rest my head against his broad chest. He kisses my forehead softly and I stay like that for a little while because my choice is clear.

I'm going to have to break Josh's heart.

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