Struggle (A Louis Tomlinson Fanfiction)

Louis Tomlinson is in high school, and he gets a girl pregnant while she's trying to get over a break up..

Includes swears in multiple chapters, and self harm in chapter 5. I can rewrite it without the self harm, if requested.

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6. Chapter 5

A/N: This chapter includes self-harm, so please don't read it if you think it'll make you want to self harm! If you want me to write this chapter without the self harm, let me know, I gladly will! Also, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here, my kik is in my bio thingy :)

-Alexandra's POV-

After I talked to Justin about me being pregnant very briefly- I didn't tell him who's child it was, even though he knew it wasn't his, I never had sex with him- my mom started to shout at me. She told me that I had to find somewhere else to stay, and that I wasn't allowed in her house until I smartened up. Right then, I burst into tears and ran to my room, and packed a bag. I called Vanessa, but she didn't answer. Of course. Who else would I go to? I didn't have many other friends who would let me stay with them, and I really didn't want to ask Louis. 

I left my house, and I'd probably just sit outside until Vanessa called back, except Justin was outside. 

"I heard everything, I'm sorry. Do you want to stay with me?" He said to me, and I agreed, because where else was I supposed to go? 

I got into his car, and Vanessa called me back, asking why I called.

"My mom kicked me out. I needed somewhere to stay, but I found somewhere." I told her. 

"Where? You're sure you don't want to stay with me?" She asked. 

"With Justin. I'm fine, thanks though," I told her. We ended the conversation and Justin pulled up to his house. 

I grabbed my bag from near my feet, and got out of his car. He led me inside, and showed me around although I already knew where everything was in his house, I'd been there so many times while we were dating. Maybe he thought I forgot because I hadn't been there in so long, I don't know. I greeted his parents, and he explained the situation to them, they didn't mind. I felt kind of embarrassed, because I'm in high school and I got kicked out of my own house for being pregnant, and now I'm staying at my ex-boyfriends house and it's not even his child. Wow, I'm such a mess. I really needed to relax, so I asked him if I could take a bubble bath. I brought everything I needed with me, so I went into his bathroom and filled up the bath. I poured the bubbles into it, and watched them form. I plugged in my iPod dock and put my music loud enough for me to hear, but not to bother Justin and his family. 

I quickly took off my clothes and stepped into the warm bath; it wasn't boiling but it wasn't freezing, and it was really soothing. My iPod was playing, but I didn't really pay attention to it, I just liked having the music in the background. I started to wash my hair and body, and then after that i just relaxed and listened to the music. Trouble by Never Shout Never came on, the song that Louis sang in the car after our date that day. This made me start to think about how screwed up my life became in the past month. I started to sob, so I dried my hand off and turned the music louder so nobody heard me. 

I thought about self harming. I haven't done it since freshman year, and nobody knew but I stopped myself before it got too bad. I honestly can't even remember why I was doing it, and all the scars faded already. I grabbed the razor I had with me in case I needed to shave, and I thought about where I should cut. Not my wrists; that's where everyone checks. Stomach and hips. It's where the child is, which is what causes most of my pain, now. I took the razor and I precisely cut the skin on my hip. It wasn't too deep, but deeper than I had ever cut before, and it started bleeding a lot immediately, and I knew the scar would last a while.

I made a few more cuts in my skin, a few on my hips and a couple on my stomach, and realized if there were any remains of blood, Justin or his family would find out. I got out and dried myself off, and let the water go down the drain. I rummaged through his cabinets in the bathroom, to look for band-aids. I found some, and I carefully unwrapped them and put them on the cut skin. I walked over to the tub, and there was a little bit of blood that didn't make it to the drain. I ran the water again, so that the blood would drain. It did quickly, so I put on a pair of zebra pajamas and a t-shirt. I braided my hair and walked into Justin's room, which was in the basement. He was playing video games, and I sat on the side of him on the futon he had in his room. The cuts started to hurt really bad, but I ignored it as best I could.

We were both being kinda quiet and not talking to each other, so we decided to just go to bed. I slept on the futon with a couple blankets and he slept in his bed, but he noticed that I wasn't falling asleep because I was fidgeting a lot. He invited me into his bed to cuddle with him. I walked over to his bed, and there was enough room for both of us but he held me close to him, his warmth radiating off of him. He was touching my cuts, though, which made me cringe. He squeezed me tighter, and I flinched and made a quiet sound of pain. 

He looked at me with worried eyes, and asked me what was wrong. I told him my stomach hurt a little bit, which he believed. I started to cry a little bit again, about everything. He pulled me closer to him, hurting my sides. 

"Why are you crying?" he asked, and I explained everything to him. How I was such a mess, how I didn't know what I was going to do with school or the baby. We started to talk about how I'd raise it, and how I was thinking about adoption. He told me he'd help me raise the baby, but I didn't think it would be the best idea because it'd put a lot of stress on both of us and he's not the father. He told me that he still had feelings for me, and I told him that I wasn't sure how I felt about him or Louis and that it would take a lot for him to get me to trust him again. He understood why, and we both slowly drifted off into sleep. 

-about a week later, at the first doctors visit-

I went with Justin and Vanessa, because I barely talked to Louis in the past week, but I was going to need a father for the child if I was going to keep it. I forgot all about the cutting until now, even though I had done it a couple times since that first time, in the same spot, just not as deep. 

The doctor lifted up my shirt, and started to rub the gel on my stomach, then realized the marks. "Could you two step out for a minute?" she asked them, and they left.

The doctor was in her late 20s-early 30s and she seemed in with the current trends, and she looked understanding. "What's this?" she asked me.

"I just- I've been really stressed lately, and I didn't know wh-what else to do," I choked out, in between my sobs. 

She nodded her head, and rubbed my shoulder in what seemed to be a soothing way, although it wasn't at all. "Is it okay if we put you in therapy for a little bit?" she said to me, and I sighed. I had no choice but to go, since I was under 18, and where else would I go? I knew I needed to stop.

She took down notes, and let Justin and Vanessa back into the room. They both walked in, and then noticed I was crying and their expressions turned into worried ones. Vanessa was about to ask what happened, then Justin noticed the cuts and scars. They gasped quietly, and asked why and when I did that. I told them everything, only to begin crying again. 

"Alexandra, I think we should have this appointment another time, when you're better about this. We can have it maybe, a week or so?" she asked me, and I nodded in agreement. "Now, come with me, I'll schedule an appointment with a therapist." I followed her out to the counter, and she suggested I should see him three times before I came back here, and she scheduled for me to come back to see her a week later. So I had to go to the therapist three times this week. Fun.

This is fucking great.

I know, I need it, but nobody really looks forward to therapy the first time, do they?

The car ride back to Justin's house was incredibly awkward. I bit my nails and played with the radio while Vanessa was texting in the backseat. I turned around to start a conversation with her, but really just to see who she was texting. Louis. Probably telling him everything. That's cool. I thought she was supposed to be my best friend. We dropped her off at her house and Justin drove me back to his house. We went downstairs into his room, and laid in his bed and opened his arms for me to lay down. I laid down and cuddled into his chest, and he wrapped his arms around me, being very careful of my stomach area. 

He asked me to talk to him about everything, if I felt comfortable. I did, and I told him everything, about a half hour later I finished, and his t-shirt was soaked in tears. I noticed, and said, "I'm really sorry about that." He told me it was fine, and changed it quickly. When he came back into the bed, I curled up next to him, and he started to stroke my hair. "I don't see why you would do that to yourself, I know you're stressed and all, but you could've just talked to someone about it. I would've listened, and I know for a fact that Vanessa would've listened. You're so beautiful; please never do this to yourself again, do it for me, and the baby, even though it's not mine. I love you," he said, while softly kissing my forehead. I felt myself smile, as I fell asleep.

-An hour later-

My phone started to blare the chorus of We Are Young by Fun., which was my ringtone. I picked up my phone, even though I was still half asleep, and the called ID said Louis was calling. Wooo. 

"Hello," I said groggily into the phone.

"I'm outside of Justin's house. Come outside, don't bother bringing him." he said to me, and hung up. Shit. I woke up Justin, and told him what just happened. 

A/N: What do you think will happen next? Thanks for reading :)

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