Loved.

(This movella is set as if One Direction isn't famous.)
Ashalee York was always one to try and hide away, she only showed who she really was to her one friend Jay. Ashalee is shy, and a good girl (who sometimes likes to bend the rules) and she is insecure about herself. Ashalee is your average girl in every way on the outside. But on the inside she deals with the constant struggle, the rage on inside of her mind, she's bipolar. It may be fate, chance, destiny, or whatever you call it but she finds herself mixed up with Harry Styles who wants to show her that she doesn't have to close people out. But he doesn't know about the mental war the wages deep within her mind and maybe if he did know he would leave her and label her as a freak like the rest of society.

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7. Needed to Get Away

Ashalee's POV

Harry texted me "Hey Ash." How was I to respond. "Hi." Simple, I guess that was awkward because he tried to kiss me. He made it awkward, he had to try and kiss me. We barely knew each other. Why the hell did he have to do that for. I liked him before he tried anything, he hadn't given me anytime to adjust and see if I wanted to go to anything more. Did he ever think that maybe I didn't want to be with him, he was trying to seal it with a kiss. Maybe I didn't like kisses, maybe I was a hugger. Who am I kidding I'm not a hugger. I don't even know if I'm a kisser, never had my first kiss. People always made fun of me and I've never considered being in a relationship. What the hell Harry, maybe I'm not ready to be in a relationship. Maybe I wanted to be alone. No I didn't. I didn't know how to handle this. People liking me, the only one who knew about 'me' ran away except Jay. Harry never responded to my text which made me even madder. His green eyes kept flashing through my mind, the window, the scenery behind him was cold, wet, and sad. I hated this, I hated me, of all the people in the world why was I the one who got picked to be bipolar, why did I get picked to be crazy?

Why was I like this, crushes are normal, healthy even, but not me. I mean it's kind of like my brain takes something and then makes it look bad in my mind. Then I lash out at it, for some reason the emotion that takes over most is anger and sometimes depression. But for some reason anger always seems easier. It seems easier to be angry than to be anything else.

Jay came over to my house, she hadn't been over in awhile.

"Wow. The last time I've been here the walls were painted pink and there were flowers on your bed spread."

Now my room was painted a deep violet, the only color that could be happy, sad, angry, confused in my opinion. My bed spread was white, it seemed to go nice with the violet. It seemed to make one spot in my room say, it is peaceful here.

I chuckled for some reason, my brain never went against Jay. I think because my brain knows she is good. My brain goes bad on my parents sometimes, but I think that's because they feel pity for me. Their only daughter is a freak. Or maybe I'm reading in it to much. Or maybe they feel pity on themselves having to deal with me. My brain is so stupid, trying to find reasons to be angry. Stop it, just for tonight.

Jay had come over wearing this really pretty shirt. It was purple, I liked purple, it is a variation of violet. She had on jeans, understandable and white converse. I liked how here hair was really curly and light brown like the color of my caramel coffee when I had that strange exchange with Harry. Her eyes seemed to glow, this was my friend.

"Come on we need to pick out you something."

~~~

I ended up wearing this green dress. I was in the back of my closet, I never really liked dresses but for some reason I felt this night would change me for better. I found a pair of stockings and ripped them up, Jay says they make my legs look nice, she says guys will like it. My shoes were some combat boots, I insisted on them, to keep me from entirely converting to girly-ism. 

My mom was shocked when she asked where we were going and Jay announced we were invited to a party by a senior. My father asked if the senior was a boy, when we replied yes his face turned red. Jay nearly died laughing when we finally made it out of my house.

. . .

As soon as I walked in Harry greeted me, like he was waiting for me or something. Before Jay let me go she pulled me to the side, "Did you take you-"

"They're in my purse, I'll get some soda and find a bathroom, I'll take em'."

She looked at me with concern, Harry finally broke us up, forming a barrier between us. Jay nodded at me, I nodded back letting her know I was going to take the pills, that she didn't need to worry.

Harry pulled me into the middle of the living room and begun dancing, "I'm so glad you made it." he breathed heavily, his accent making me shudder.

"Yeah, same here...hey Harry maybe we should talk about-"

Harry's eyes grew big for a split second, he cut me off, "Want something to drink?"

I HATED when people cut me off. I let it slid, this had to be awkward for him. I was starting to feel sad as Harry walked off, I was alone. But when he returned this feeling of joy washed over me. I ran up to him hugging him tight, he nearly spilled the drinks. I needed to take my pills, my emotions were conflicting with my normal ways. Harry tried to peel away from the hug, I held onto him tighter. I guess I was a hugger. No, I wasn't when my emotions were like this, without me taking the pills to numb them there was no telling what I would do.

I had to find a way to get to the bathroom. I needed to get away from Harry. I needed to become myself again, not this wishy washy teenage girl, not this crazy wishy washy teenage girl, not this bipolar wishy washy teenage girl. When Harry finally pulled me off of him I took the cup from him.

"Where's the bathroom?" I asked trying to maintain my composure.

"Down this hall second door to your right."

I smiled, "Thanks."

"Hey...uh...Ash?"

"Yeah Harry?"

"Have you, uh, been drinking before you came here?"

I looked at him funny, "No." I tripped over my own feet not making my case seem any more convincing. Harry watched me walk off, I made it to the bathroom and quickly did what had to be done. I swallowed the pills hard, finally I could enjoy this night.

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