(This movella is set as if One Direction isn't famous.)
Ashalee York was always one to try and hide away, she only showed who she really was to her one friend Jay. Ashalee is shy, and a good girl (who sometimes likes to bend the rules) and she is insecure about herself. Ashalee is your average girl in every way on the outside. But on the inside she deals with the constant struggle, the rage on inside of her mind, she's bipolar. It may be fate, chance, destiny, or whatever you call it but she finds herself mixed up with Harry Styles who wants to show her that she doesn't have to close people out. But he doesn't know about the mental war the wages deep within her mind and maybe if he did know he would leave her and label her as a freak like the rest of society.


49. Awake

Ashalee's POV

Things just seemed to pass on by, like Harry and me. I don't know how the rest of the world keeps going when something bad happens. Like when Miles died, I don't know how the world kept spinning but it did. Or when me and Harry made love, well I thought it was making love, maybe to him it was just sex. I felt different, but the world decided it would stay in it's eternal orbit going around and around and wouldn't stop. Then the world seemed like it would stop when Harry and I were over and again when Harry called me telling me he had screwed Ally.

But the truth is the Earth keeps in orbit for 365 days around the Sun and it spins around on it's axis for 24 hours. Actually 23 hours and 59 minutes. Not exactly 24 hours but so close. Like me and Harry were so close to working but it missed the mark, like how the Earth missed 24 hours by one simple minute.

So like I was rambling on about before, the world keeps spinning even when crappy stuff happens.

I still have to wake up.

I still have to go to school.

I still have to take my pills.

I still talk to Jay, and we laugh and gossip.

I haven't talked to Brent but we exchanged awkward smiles in between classes. I think he feels guilty about me and Harry breaking up but in truth why does it seem like it was bound to happen anyway?

It is like Harry was some dream, and now I'm awake.

I see him in the hall, he looks at me as I ignore him. His mop of curls look less curly. His bright green eyes seem dull. But a chattering blonde is glued to his side. You can tell he isn't listening, nodding his head on occasion just to be polite. At lunch I feel his gaze peeling away my skin, layer by layer like an onion. One crazy bipolar onion.

I haven't been all emotions, just one in particular. Emptiness. It takes over, so as Jay and talk and I smile at her hilarious jokes and I go home and paint what I want to feel on a blank canvas and take the medication that I'll always need and empty bubble rises in falls inside my tummy.

I see the flyers, prom is coming up. The prom is for the seniors and juniors. Our school committee is too cheap to pay for a junior prom and a separate senior prom like normal high schools. Of course I'm going, and in the girls bathroom I heard some girls going on and on about how Ally and Harry were back together and how they were going together.

He would have left me for England at the end of senior year anyway. Would he have? He doesn't even truly live in the country so he'd go home and live out his life. The high school romance wouldn't be forever.

But then, if it wasn't to last forever why did it feel that way when me and Harry were together?


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