The shining doe

Jily fanfiction, from Severus' point of view.

Its their last night at Hogwarts ever, when Severus wanted to admit everything to Lily. But as he comes closer to the forest, his nightmares turns out to be true.

Yeah, I know, I suck at descriptions... REQUEST thank you!


1. Last night

Severus were sitting at the Slytherin table, the opposite side of Lily. He barely couldn't get any longer away from her. It were the last night at Hogwarts this year. For Severus, it were forever. His last and 7th year have finished, and all he had to do, were to go home. Home to his sick parents, home to his sick town, were nothing magical happened. Except when he were around Lily. It seemed like the flowers were blossomming, the sun were shining, whenever she was near. Her happiness infected everybody, everything around her. It seemed like the only time Severus ever could be happy.

He looked in the direction of her. He saw her beautyful, red hair, dancing around her shoulders, as she placed it elegant behind her ear. Her face were smiling as always, she was perfect. A laugh escaped her lips. She looked so young, so sweet, when she laughed. But when Severus almost smiled, he saw the person next to her. Potter. He couldn't understand what she saw in him, arrogant, stupid, and everything Severus wanted to be. He didn't want to become Potter, no way on earth, he would let that happen. But Lily smiled at him, laughed at him, whenever she saw him, in a way, she'd never done to Severus. That look, she had in her eyes, Severus would give everything to have her looking the same way at him. He hated the Potter boy more than everything. At first, he believed she only did it to annoy Severus, for calling her a mudblood. But when they started to talk again, when she took the first step, mature as she was, she continnued to be around him. Him and the other morons. She were barely seen with anybody else, than them. This year, it were even that bad, that her and James openly walked around hand in hand. They sat close to eachother, and constanly looked eachother in the eyes. Severus were disgusted. His enemy and his girl, were looking loving at eachother! They wouldn't even care, if Severus stood in front of them. But off course, he couldn't do that, thanks to their personal bodygards, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. Whenever Severus were nearing them, it could be in the dungoens, it could be in the Great Hall, they would stand between him and them, blocking his view. One thing were to steal his Lily. Another were not allowing him to look at her.

People around Severus, began to stand up, and walk out of the hall. As so did Lily, with James fast following. Severus considered to follow everybody, but were determinded to stay on his seat. He would get time with his Lily, when they arrived at home, were no Potters, no Marauders could stop them. He followed Lily with every step she took, hand in hand with James, clunging to the side of him. Why couldn't it be Severus? He deserved it a thousand times more, than a fullblood jerk. But again, it were Severus who were in Slytherin.

He watched Lily, as she disappeared from his view. He stood up himself, and walked determinded towards the gate. He wanted to say something to her, their last night at Hogwarts. He knew that James wouldn't like, and either did Lily, but he had to. It were here they had their memories, not all of them, but alot. Under the tree back home, it were the same thing running in circles. A beautyful thing, but the same. He passed the gate to the Great Hall, and walked further out to the garden. Students crossed him everywhere, bumped into him, but no Lily were in sight. Sirius, Remus and Peter were standig, waiting for a wagon. Severus got a feeling that this wouldn't end good, but he had to see her, in the surroundings of the castle, the Forbidden Forest, everything. Maybe, if James weren't around, he would tell her everything. About the way he felt for her, about the disturbings in his stomach, whenever he say her smiling. Maybe she would say, that everything were an act, maybe she would say, she felt the same way.

Severus walked out of the garden, away from the wagons, to follow the foot prints in the mud. The two pair of feet were distant from each step, meaning they runned, but close to eachother, like holding hands. He looked up a bit. No light, nothing that could indicate of other human beings in the forest. He looked at the ground again, and walked a few meters, when there weren't two pair of feet anymore, but one. Instead there were four holes in the ground. The last pair of feet disappered too, but there weren't any holes for them. He looked forward, the holes were continuing, as hooves, as an animal walking calmly around in the mossy ground. Severus started to get worried about Lily. An animal possibly kidnapped her, maybe hurting her, maybe killing her. As the thoughts crossed Severus' mind, he walked faster. He were far away from the school, the only light there were, came from the shining half moon.

He quickly looked up, a noise from his right side appeared. A laughter, a beautyful, innocent laughter, were to be heard. "Do it again!" Lily said, still laughing. In front of her a mighty, pride deer stood, looking at Lily. But it weren't real. It were blue, transparent, a spell. Severus knew that, he learned about it in Spells, a subject he never had to take again. It were a patrunus. The deer jumped a bit around, before realising there were no danger, and disappeared. "You try." James said calmly, and took Lilys hand. "Think about a happy memory." he almost whispered, almost too low, to Severus to heard it. Lily closed her eyes, and smiled. Severus got a bit more happy seeing her smiling, though she were with Potter. "Expecto patrunum." she said calmly with her eyes shutted. From her wand a glittering, blue doe jumped around in the cold air. Lily opened her eyes, gazing at the doe, and laughed. James followed her, and they didn't stop until the doe were gone. "Natural talent." James said smiling arrogant. Lily just laughed at him. Ha, Severus thought, She doesn't like you either. But it were only in Severus' mind she didn't do that, since she leaned forward, coming closer and closer to James face, and gently pushed her lips against his. Severus couldn't take it anymore, he left the forest, the trees, his Lily immedieately. He walked fast towards the school again, stepped into one of the wagons, before he heard what Sirius had to say. "What takes them so long?" he asked Remus, who shaked his head. Severus knew what was going on. He just didn't want to admit it.


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