February 14, 2013

*fanfic and diary. 1D not famous*
Jenna has been receiving creepy love letters from a secret admirer, and is determined to figure out who is sending them. Will it be who she thinks, or who she would least expect?

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18. Feb 3 2013 Part 2

I woke up to the sizzling sound of bacon and quiet music playing. I sat up and looked around the room. Harry was still asleep next to me, Louis was on Zayn's laptop, and Liam and Niall were cleaning. Zayn's mum was the one cooking breakfast. Zayn wasn't anywhere in sight, I figured he was upstairs.

Niall was the first to notice I woke up, he gave me a smile while carrying garbage bags around. He was panting as if he was suffering, he probably just wanted the food.

I went upstairs to the bathroom and freshened up, brushing my hair and teeth and getting rid of any smeared makeup. There's only one bathroom on the upper level, and Zayn wasn't there. I walked down the hall, only one door was closed which I figured was Zayn's. I decided I'd give him his privacy.

After about 20 minutes of cleaning, everyone was up and Zayn's mum called us over for breakfast before leaving for work. Niall and Liam ran to the table like they hadn't eaten in days, it was madness. I'm still surprised by how energetic Niall was after drinking so much at Harry's party. We all yelled "Thank you!" As she walked out the door, and ate.

Zayn still didn't come downstairs. I was starting to worry about him, I know he's been fragile lately.

"Where's Zayn?" I asked the boys. It took a while for me to get a response, all of their mouths were full.

"I don't know, actually. I saw him on his phone when I woke up but he wasn't here when I came back from the basement." Liam told me. The other boys just shrugged, guess they never saw him in the first place. I finished up my breakfast and cleaned up, then decided to try talking to Zayn.

I knocked on his door a few times but he didn't answer. I knew he was in there, I could hear things moving around. When I was about to knock again he opened the door, I couldn't see his eyes because he had a hood covering them but I could hear his sniffling.

Aw, not this again...

He made room for me to walk in and sat on the bed with me. He still wouldn't look at me, he just sat there sniffling.

"Zayn? What happened..." I asked. I scooted closer and put my arm around him. "Everybody hates me." He said in a low, raspy voice.

"Why do you think that?"

"My ex and her friends are saying things about me. Now everyone hates me."

Why does he always let his ex get to him? I still didn't know what happened between them, hell, I don't even know her name.

I didn't answer him, I was in loss for words. So he continued.

"Everyone's calling me an idiot, douchebag, asshole. She's telling them lies, Jenna." His voice cracked and he started crying, his hands covering his face. It was hard to understand what he was saying, I was just surprised he wanted to keep talking about it. But I stayed to listen.

"She always does this. Why does she hurt me, Jenna? Nobody knows the real me, they all hate me because of that bitch."

My eyes widened when he called her a bitch, but I understand where he's coming from. That's exactly what she is, doesn't really take a genius to notice...

"Zayn..." I tried to find something to say but I couldn't. Not that I think everyone hates him, it's just hard to help someone with something like this when they're the one that hurt you for years without explanation. Ya know?

"I don't expect you to help. I was a douchebag to you. I'm sorry for that."

"This isn't about us. This is about you."

I didn't want to get into details about our past, so I kept him on topic. Tears weren't running from his eyes anymore, he was back to sniffling. "People don't hate you, Zayn." I said trying to comfort him. It still felt weird saying it for some reason, though.

Zayn just looked up at me and sarcastically laughed. "That's what you think? Check my messages. My twitter," he held out his phone. "Go ahead!" I hesitantly took his phone and looked through his messages like he ordered. Most of the messages were from people I didn't know, seems like Zayn didn't even know some of them since they weren't saved contacts.

 

"Wow Zayn. I can't believe you put Skylar through that..."

 

"Haha, so pathetic. Get a life and leave Skylar's alone, lame-ass."

 

"Do us all a favor and kill yourself, Zayn. Please."

 

I stopped there, my eyes were starting to water up. I set his phone down and gave him a hug.

"Zayn, please believe me when I say none of what they're saying is true. You're not the douchebag they say... Nobody would be happy with you killing yourself. We would all be devastated. Me, Marilyn, the boys, everyone." Zayn pulled away from the hug and started crying again. "I don't think the boys would miss me."

Now he's just being ridiculous, these are his best friends. I gave him a confused look, did they really believe what people say about Zayn...?

"Niall talked to me this morning. He told me what an idiot I am for letting her back in my life over and over. He's just trying to look out for me, I know that... But it feels like he's just tired of dealing with me. Harry won't even talk to me anymore unless I make him. He's my best friend who could care less about me. That's pretty pathetic, when ya think about it..." He wiped the tears from his eyes and continued. "Louis is occupied with you. He's really happy you guys are friends, and I understand that, but he can't get away from you now. Liam is the only one that really talks to me, but he never notices what I'm going through. He cares too much about Marilyn now."

I thought about the last part for a while. 'He cares too much about Marilyn now.' Well, there go my chances with Liam... I shouldn't be mad about this. Liam was never actually mine, and I said it myself I don't want a relationship until other things are sorted out. Zayn stared at me and waited for my answer.

"Niall isn't fed up with you. He loves you and wants to you to realize Skylar isn't worth your time. She's obviously making everything worse for you." The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like Zayn was a little right about Niall. He was always rolling his eyes at Zayn, making up excuses to avoid him. But I was trying to convince Zayn he's wrong. I know Niall means the best.

"Harry wouldn't be able to move on if you left. Maybe he's going through something, too, and feels distant. You never know." Zayn kept denying what I was saying, but let me continue. "Louis cares about you. Last night, he was helping me look for you. He kept asking me if he could talk to you, but you didn't want to. He wants to be close with you, but maybe he feels ignored. Louis and I are trying to catch up on things, and if you feel like I'm taking him away from you then I'm really, truly sorry. The last thing I want to do is upset you."

"Don't worry about you and Louis, I get it. But there's no excuse for Liam. He just doesn't see it."

I didn't know how to respond, so I just put my arm back around his shoulders. We stayed there for a while, until Zayn got up. "I'll be downstairs in a little, I promise." He walked out of the room and turned on the shower across the hall. I walked back downstairs and saw all the guys rough-housing. Except Niall, he was looking through the fridge.

Shocker, eh?

I called everyone over for a 'group meeting'. The boys calmed down and we all sat on the couches. Niall and Louis sat next to me, Harry and Liam sat on the big chair behind the blow-up mattress, which is where they were rough-housing earlier.

"So... Zayn." was all I said, I wanted to get straight to it before he came downstairs. I looked around the room to see everyone's reaction. Harry was staring at the ground awkwardly, Louis was looking right at me with a normal expression, Niall rolled his eyes and crossed his arms, and Liam gave a curious look.

"What about him?" Liam asked. Zayn said he was clueless about Skylar and the hate he was getting, so I explained.

"Liam... Zayn's ex, Skylar," he nodded when he recognized the name and waited for me to continue. "He's been fighting and forgiving her for a while and from what I understand, everyone's tired of it." I looked at Niall when I spoke the last bit. He didn't react or defend himself, he just sat there looking back at me. "Zayn's been getting a lot of people hating on him, calling him names and trying to convince him to kill himself. And, I don't think some of you guys are exactly helping him..." I wasn't referring to anyone specific at that point, me and Lou are the only ones really trying to comfort him. Liam and Louis gave concerned faces, which I was expecting. Niall was still being stubborn, Harry didn't do anything. He just fiddled with his fingers.

"Oh my goodness... I had no clue Jenna. Is that why he wasn't partying?" Liam asked. "Yeah. He was in his room after a fight with Skylar. She slapped and kicked him to the floor. Me and Louis are the only ones that looked and helped him. That should say something, guys." I hated lecturing, and I could tell they hated the guilt I was piling on them, but I think they mostly deserve it. Liam was innocent, just finding all of this out. I was trying to make it obvious I wasn't blaming him. Zayn never spoke up, so I shouldn't blame Liam. But the others knew.

"Well..." Niall started to speak. We all looked over at him but he only looked at the ground, arms still crossed. "I'm tired of dealing with it. He'll never understand what she's putting him through. Jenna, he does this all the time. They fight, she spreads rumors, he cries, then forgives her. It's been like this for months and they only dated a week. This is bullshit. He's setting himself up for failure." With that, Niall got up and slammed the basement door. Me and Louis both looked at each other with wide eyes. Liam looked like he was still in shock, and about to cry.

Imagine what it feels like having your best friend hide such a secret from you, something that's been destroying them and you can't help. That's the only way I can think to describe Liam's shock.

Harry didn't move one bit since we first started talking. "Harry? You alright, lad?" Louis asked. Harry looked up at him, his eyes bloodshot red.

"I want to help him, Lou. I do, it's just, he kept pushing me away. He always told me that I can't help him and to just stay out of it. So, eventually, I did. I stopped talking to him because it seemed like that's what he wanted." He wiped the tears that started running down his cheeks.

There's been too much crying in one weekend...

Harry pulled himself together and continued. "I stopped being his friend, I guess. He doesn't even care, though. When he talks to me, it's cold. But he doesn't act that way around everyone else. He wants people to think everything's okay. But I miss him." Harry buried his head into Liam's chest, who was already crying as well.

We sat around and talked, comforting each other. I heard the shower turn off about 10 minutes later, Harry and Liam quickly wiped away the tears and forced themselves to calm down. I decided to go check on Niall, he hadn't come up to talk to us after storming off. "Talk to him, guys." I said to all three of them before getting up. I heard the three of them whisper things as I was walking to the basement and knocked on the door.

"Niall? Niall, it's Jenna. Let me in please." I yelled through the door. I heard him hit his hand against what sounded like a wall, then opened the door. "Come on down.." He said, offering me to walk in. He still had anger in his voice, his hands and cheeks were red. I looked around the room and saw the couch was flipped and there was broken glass by the bar area.

"I'm sorry, Jenna. I just can't deal with him sometimes." Niall admitted. "I know, I understand. It's hard to deal with, but he's still your best friend." I reassured him. He didn't say anything, he just looked at the ground. "He is your best friend, right Niall?" I asked. I needed to make sure he agreed. "I don't know. I'm kinda... Done." He started to walk away, but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "Niall, don't be ridiculous. I promise none of this will happen again, just please don't leave him. I know you want to be there for him. You guys love each other. Please don't leave your best friend."

He didn't say anything for a while, just stood there. Thinking. Like he was deciding on whether or not he would be there for his best friend.

The answer would be obvious to me, if someone who I consider my brother was devastated I would stay there for them. No excuses.

"Alright, fine. I do love my best friend, you're right. But if he keeps talking to her, I can't deal with it."

"This is the last time, I promise." I assured him.

"Good," he smiled. "Make sure to convince him. He listens to you." He hugged me and walked over to put back the couch as I cleaned up the glass. We went back upstairs and saw the four other boys talking on the couches. Zayn looked up at me and smiled, making room next to him. Niall went into the kitchen, which didn't surprise me.

It seemed like everything was worked out between them, which I'm more than happy about. Zayn needs people there for him. The rest of the day we just hung out, Niall apologized to Zayn and the rest of us about his attitude. It was a fun day after that.

When I got home, my mum and father welcomed me and made dinner, we actually got to eat as a family for once. It was nice.

I just hope Zayn will be alright...

Love,

Jenna

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