Too Late

Casey has a dark secret
a secret know one can know
but is it a secret to terrible to keep
or will it just prove to be too much .....


13. I want to be dead



I live in a bubble, I cant hear, or see. I only dream, I am floating in my bubble. People bustle around me. machines beep, I cry. In my mind only two people visit me, A girl with ginger nut colored hair and bright hazel eyes, I know that her name is May, she is the reason I am like this. May looks at me sadly most of the time, sometimes she laughs and I laugh with her because I have nothing better to do. She hurts me or should I say that she hurt me, I don't really know if I am dead or alive, maybe I'm just floating somewhere in between. The other person is a boy with curly brown hair, stunning green eyes and soft soothing voice that makes me let everything else go, it lets me forget about that girl May, it stops me from crying. His name is Harry, he tells me to wake up, he asks me to please wake up, he prays to god that I will wake up but I don't know how to. My bubble keeps me happy, my bubble is immaculate.  Men in white suits visit me, they prod and poke me, I want to tell them to stop but I just cant. I have been like this for a while, I can feel it. Today Harry visits me. 

He is crying, he sounds like a wounded animal, he howls softly making me want to cry too. I do. I want Harry to hold me, I want to feel loved again, I wish I hadn't of done what I did, It never worked. I failed May. 

I didn't want to fail May, she is my best friend and you don't fail best friends. My mind snaps into action suddenly, wait I killed May..... and thats why I did what I did, that why I am who I am and thats why I should have died but instead I'm floating somewhere in between. Is that what happens to horrible people ? do they end up in bubbles, floating, being useless. 

Sometimes I feel angry, I feel angry because I let this happen to me. I let May do this to me, I let her break me..... but most of all I feel angry because I did this to Harry, I left him alone, I really wish that I could have told him that I was sorry, that I loved him and that It wasn't meant to be like this and I feel bad because this is how it is, Its crap. I hate hearing him cry. 

But most of all I want to let go, I don't want to be in this place where May still haunts me, Harry cries and just just have to sit and listen. I have too look at May and know about what I did to her and what she's done to me. This is not what I wanted, I don't want to be in this bubble even though it sometimes makes me happy. I want to be dead, gone,never coming back. Away from my cruel dead best friend and my sobbing boyfriend .  I want to be dead!!!!

but my bubble keeps me floating somewhere in-between. 

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