Pain In All Its Simplicity

Simple, old-fashioned pain, and one individual's escape from its clutches. ("The Fault In Our Stars" contest entry)

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1. Pain, in All its Simplicity

Pain.

It’s such a simple word... pain. But when you break the surface of its flawless simplicity, there’s a labyrinth underneath; a maze of actions that can never be undone, words that can never be forgotten and feelings that will never fade.

Pain.

Some people feel a lot of pain, some don’t suffer much. Some people cope better with whatever pain they feel... Others don’t cope at all.

I am one of those people.

I often feel as if pain is rooted deep in my soul. I never feel free from pain, not ever. Even when I sleep, it’s almost as if my very dreams are painful.

I want to be free.

My uncle – who is dead now, and whose house was never emptied – always kept two firearms in his house, in the cupboard next to his bed. He lived and died in fear of someone breaking into his house. The guns were his comfort, his safety.

And now, they’ll be my freedom.

I stood in my uncle’s old bedroom, staring at the revolver in my hand. It felt like a ticking bomb that required handling with care. I soon realised that it would mean the same to me if it were a bomb, about to obliterate me...

Freedom from pain.

I thought about what I was doing. Surely, any human being’s natural reaction to pain is to do everything within their power to destroy it at its source – but when the source of pain is life itself...

Pain. Just old-fashioned pain in all its simplicity.

I held the gun to my head, and placed my finger on the trigger.

Bang.

No more pain.

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