I Knew You Were Trouble

He takes your hand, I die a little, I watch your eyes, And I'm in riddles.
Why can't you look at me like that?
‘I fell in love with the way you fall asleep. Slowly, and then all at once.'
You told me that the thing about pain is that it demands to be felt. But, after this pointed knife in my heart there will be no pain left in life for me, aren't I right? - Niall

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5. Chapter 3

 

I looked at him. Annoyance, jealousy, hatred, love. They all filled me. I ran. Like I had been since forever. I ran away from everything, all the truth. I didn't want to feel anything. Nothing. Only goal in life: get everyday done. It had been so long since forever it felt that even if I tried I could not feel anything. I was like a dead body, a corpse. You could say anything to it and she would do nothing about it, because the worst has already happened. 

"Everybody has the gun to kill their selves in their pocket. No one else has to mess with them in order to ruin them. A gun of serious naked pictures that if it got out into society she would have no respect left. Or her past... They're all a kind of gun in life." My aunt once said. My gun was him... Now, because of this guy I'd barely known made me finally feel something even if it was feeling hatred. Why Niall? Why anyone? Why not him? 

I felt alive once again after this foreverness. There was joy and cheerfulness in me again. I felt like.. the old me. The real me. The Ajla that can be annoying anytime she wants. The crazy and wild one, like wild berries in the wilderness. I felt a core starting to grow in my heart. Like a core from heavens garden. An apple tree perhaps? 

I shook off everything in my head. "Wait!!" I heard Niall yell after me. I didn't stop nor wait. I kept on going and going, and hearing him yell after me. I saw the volleyball Niall had thrown in the far corner of the field. I wondered if I should get it and return back to Niall and act like everything was cool and just resume playing volleyball with him. Voices in my head spoke: "Go get it!" "No! Leave it..." Before I could decide I ran past it and just forgot about that idea. I ran about a mile and half before Mr. Burk blew the whistle. I always started running miles when I was angry. It helped not to think about stuff. I could go on running and someone eventually had to stop me. My sister and friends had to chase me once, so I could stop running.  

My head was so crowded I didn't even realize I had been in the locker rooms changing. I wonder how I got my lockers combination right though... Whatever. 

Niall Horan is a BIG, big, big and large block in my life. He stepped right into my life without himself knowing and without me knowing it was coming. I can't blame him. 

 

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