The Way She Feels

This not a story. I just felt like writnig this. It has only one chapter, so don't expect much. This is about the way she feels....
P.S. Before reading it you should listen the song called The Way She Feels by Between The Trees.

*please ignore the spelling mistakes, thanks!*

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1. The Way She Feels

It was a rainy day. She was crying. Tears were falling like a waterfall. She was broken, sad. She had all those bad feelings again. Because she was pushed away. Again. She realised nobody loved her. Her grades were already bad, she wasn't making her parents proud anymore so it was obvious that they wouldn't care waht will happen to her.

She was alone in the house. Laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. There were napkins everywhere. They were wet but her tears and covered with red by her blood. It was good that her parents were away for awhile. Not like they would care but she loved being alone. She felt like there were more time for her to bleed. She knew she was fucked up. She was a mess. 

She ran out of tears by the time the blood stopped streaming down from her wrists. Noone understood her. They would call her an attention seeker because she was a slefharmer. They would call her she was way too fat to have an eating disoreder. She wished they would tell something that she didn't know about. But they never understood her. because they don't know know how mush it hurted her to wake up everyday. How every step she took made it harder to breathe. The war in her mind was slowly killing her inside and out. There are so many thoughts, so many truths. She looked at the mirror, for a second, just for a second she thought she was beautiful. And all the thoughts came back to her. "You are ugly, fat hideous, freak. Don't eat enything you are sooooo fat. Nobody loves you. You are worthless. You are a monster. You should kill yourself, nobody already cares." her mind said to her. So she ran to her blades. She cut, cut, cut nad cut. She knew she deserved it. She knew noone truly cared. 

She wished to die on her birthday. Everyone was singing and she tries to keep her fake amile on her face as long as she can. She prayed to die every night before the sleep. She wasn't strong enough to keep gifhting anymore. She used to be but depression took it all away. She wasn't feeling anything now. She had lost all her feelings. The only thing she could feel was the pain in her heart. She was so depressed. 

After weeks, she didn't had energy for anything. She was always faking her happiness to keep all the questions away. Her parents never doubt a thing. She was starving herself and throwing up everything her parents made her eat. But she never saw herself any thinner. She was just gaining more weight everyday. She had her two feeling back. Love and hate. She hated herself. And she loved the warmth feeling around her cuts after the bleeding stopped.

Now, she is so helpless, hopeless and sleepless. She cries and cuts everyday. She doesn't go to school. It's good that her parents are away again so that they don't have to see her this way. They don't have an idea how much she wants to die so bad. She wants to apologise to them for everything but it's too late. There is too much pain to bare. 

She lays on her bed again. So many scars she has. And she remembers all the memories they left. She has been waiting for someone to save her for so long but noone seems to show up. So she gave up on herself.

Right now, she has a knife in her hand. She cuts deeper and deeper. All the noise seems to dissappear. All the thoughts have left here. Now that the pain is gone, she has her happiness back....

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