Open Your Eyes, Darling

Obsessed with a star that will never grace her path. She gave up her life to him, only to feel second class. Only foolish little girls live with their eyes closed.

My entry for 'The Faults In Our Stars.'

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1. Open Your Eyes, Darling

 

 

Author's Note: I idolized something for a long time and once it was gone, my whole life was put into a new perspective. I finally understand what I was trying to say. lol

 

 

 

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Is there something wrong with me?  Is it wrong to pray that my heart finds its way to his, trampling over the others that may stand in the way? He’s like a full-force stampede, constantly charging through my mind—ruining all sanity I have left.

 

I prayed for sanity, and then switched up and prayed for nothing but his undying attention. What does that make me? My mother said don't worry about it because I'm still in-bloom. But only if she heard my midnight thoughts as they derailed my mind; my constant wishing on stars; or counted all the dandelion stems I have locked in a shoe box, stored at the top of my closet.  Am I sane? Not since I met him.

 

Well technically—I’ve never met him.  I’ve never had the grace of taking in the scent that lingered on his body or seeing that smile that had a maniacal grip on my heart, always refusing to let go. Our hearts connected through my living room television and on my regular Friday nights, YouTube.

 

 You could call me obsessed, but I rather call it devoted to my dreams. 

 

“Again,” Dion breathed and I felt her eyes burning a hole into the back of my head.  I said nothing. I won’t waste my breath—again—explaining to her what I was doing.  It felt like cages of butterflies were released in my belly as his face surfaced on my laptop screen. He was perfection. I heard Dion’s feet shuffle across the floor and then in a matter of minutes her breath was pressed to the back of my neck.

 

“Isn’t he everything?” I asked. “Cheryl stop.”

 

Stop.

 

Stop.

 

Stop.

 

Stop.

 

The words crumbled once they hit the air, being blow to a million pieces, strew angrily around my living room. I glanced up at Dion’s face. Rapidly it grew, stretching until Dion’s once cute features couldn’t be recognized anymore. I screamed, jumping up from my computer chair. The words blew fiercely through my brown hair and I couldn’t do anything but keep my eyes shut tight.

 

Stop.

 

Stop.

 

Cheryl why are you doing this to yourself?

 

You need help.

 

Save yourself!

 

For Jesus sakes Cheryl, stop!

 

No one is going to be there to save you.

 

 

A lump formed in my throat as I listened to all the words. Angrier and angrier they spat at me, causing fear to pump through my body like never before.  A sudden pain thrilled through me and my knees buckled, slamming me into the floor.

 

 

Darling, just stop.

 

 

You’re only hurting yourself.

 

 

A ripple felt like it was being torn through my heart mercilessly and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Seconds grew into what felt like minutes and nothing but the words ticked away through my head.

 

 

And suddenly—as fast as it started—it ceased.

 

 

I opened my eyes and a cold, tingling feeling took over my body. My skin was wet. I sat up to find myself submerged in a tub filled with water.  I glanced around my familiar bathroom, and I couldn’t recall how I got here—or how long I had been here. From the way that my skin wrinkled and pruned, I could tell it had been a long time.  I drew a deep breath, feeling my lungs with as much air as I could steal.

 

 

Open your eyes, darling.

 

 

He'll never love you.

 

 

You gave up your life to him.

 

 

Suddenly I remembered the fight I had with Dion earlier and the realization it had burned into me. A one that I had buried so deep that when it came to the surface it almost ripped a hole in my skin. I yearned for a love that I'll never receive. This want was so deep it devoured my life. Once reality struck it became my biggest, most unwanted fear. How does one move on from something they once devoted their life to?

 

 

Only foolish little girls live with their eyes closed.

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