Why? | John Green Competition.


2. A Letter To Her. An Apology.

I'm sorry. 

I've spent years missing you. Years have been wasted on my moping and whining, looking at pictures of you and me, the words inscribed on paper in your handwriting. I can't take being sad anymore. I can't stand looking out of the window and seeing people who are happier than me, especially because they can have that and I can't, because you're not here. You're never going to be here. And I need to get over that right now. 

I'm sorry, but I've met someone. Her name's Emily. She's a cutter, like you. But she's getting better. I'm helping her in the ways that I know I should've helped you. I check up on her every day, I tell her I love her and that she's the most beautiful girl in the world... I tell her everything I thought about you, everything I think about you. She seems to understand how I feel, but she might just think I'm crazy. I've stopped drinking now, too. 

I'm doing all of this because of you. It's not cheesy to say this now, because you will never read this and it's just here to confirm everything I've been saying. You made me a better man, and I could never thank you enough. I will never forgive you for leaving me without a note or explanation, or a final kiss of those beautiful lips of yours, but I can't change that. 

I can't change another thing. I love you. I love you more than my drink, more than her, more than my family. And it's so stupid that it took your death to make me realise my feelings for you. 

Say hello to our son for me. I love you both, forever and always. 

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