It Hurts To Know.

It hurts to know that you'll never remember something I'll never forget.

Alexandria has never been more excited for anything. Finally after going through so much struggles and pain, she can FINALLY meet her idols. This was the one night she could get away. Away from all the hatred and pain at home. Away from all the abuse and hurt. But what she and her best friend Chloe thought was going to be an average concert- turned into the best night of their lives. What happens after Chloe leaves? Is Chloe really a TRUE friend? Who will Alex chose? And more importantly... who is hurting them? Will someone finally tell her she's worth it, that she's beautiful... and will somebody finally care for her?


22. Why Him, and not me?


There are so many things I could tell you.

So many ways I could say how much I love you.

But there's something holding me back,

And it's the thought of you and him,

Breaking my heart.



I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, so I took it out- I was surprised about the person texting me.

Nialler: Hey love

Love? Since when was I love…

Alexandria: Hey Nialler, what’s up?

I was still confused, why was he texting me?

Nialler: I need to talk to you, meet me outside by the tree?

The tree…? Oh. The tree our first picture was taken- when he had kissed me on the nose.

Alexandria: Okay, now?

Nialler: No, is 9 okay?

I looked up, it was 8:00, so I could get ready, I was in my Pajamas. I looked up and poked Louis.


“Lou-Lou?” He rolled around, and looked in my eyes.


“Yes love?”


“I’m gonna meet Niall outside in an hour, is that okay?”


“Yeah! Actually Chloe just texted me too, she wanted to talk to me here around 9 too.” I kissed Louis on the cheek and jumped off the bed- to be pulled down.


“Can we cuddle?” he asked, and I nodded. He took my waist and pulled me close, my back pressed against his chest. The silence laid between us, put it was a peaceful silence- it was needed. We just lay there for about half an hour, him playing with my hair, and me just thinking. Thinking about what had been happening in my life, and wondering what would happen next. When it was 15 to 9, I broke the silence.


“Love, I think we should get ready.” He looked up into my eyes, and pressed a light kiss on my cheeks.


“Okay.” I got up and walked over to my closet, practically dragging myself. I didn’t really want to change my pajama pants, so I just put on one of Louis shirts. I didn’t exactly want to go in front of Niall in all pajama clothes, so I guess I was fine. I took one last glance towards the mirror, and went off.




I felt my phone vibrate, and checked my phone while Alexandria was checking hers.


416-123-1234: Hey Lou!
Louis: Sorry, who is this?

416-123-1234: Its Chloe silly!

How did she get my number- Niall had probably given her it? I immediately added her to my contacts.

Louis: Sorry, so how are you?

Chloe: Fine. I was wondering if I could talk to you?

Louis: What for?

Chloe: I can’t really tell you over the phone.

Louis: Okay, when and where?

Chloe: At your room around 9:30?

Louis: K see you.

Chloe: Bye.



I put on my striped shirt from earlier, I didn’t want to be wearing my pajama’s either. I sat down on the bed, and decided to go on twitter- since I had around 35 minutes before she came. I opened the app immediately got bombarded with thousands of tweets. I scrolled through the ones that had tagged me, shocked by a lot of them; some were sweet, some were just people asking me to follow them, but some were just rude.

Louiswifexoxo: as long as ur happy boo bear @Louis_Tomlinson

LOUISFOLLOWME: plz follow me @Louis_Tomlinson

Jussica_cap: Ewww her? @Louis_Tomlinson

Hiermoneutiop: wouldn’t u rather be with me @Louis_Tomlinson

1dfollowme: plz follow me @Louis_Tomlinson

My eyes immediately were directed to the next one-

@EleanorJCadler: babe no one likes her, come back to me @Louis_Tomlinson

I unfollowed her as fast as I could, and tweeted a few things myself.

@Louis_Tomlinson: Guys, please leave @a13aha alone. If you were a real fan you would care if I was happy- which I am.

@Louis_Tomlinson: @a13aha missing you babe, come back soon!

@Louis_Tomlinson: Please leave her alone @EleanorJCadler everything between us is over.

I decided to go on Alexandria’s profile to see what was up. She had A LOT of new followers, and I guessed that she didn’t have that much before she met us. She had 2.8 million, which was quite a lot. I saw a lot of hate on her page also, some asking her to follow, and some telling her to tell us something.

@youknowilovecheese: plz follow me @a13aha

@higupfogus: tell the boys we say hi @a13aha

@iamhiswifenotu: eww Louis is mine @a13aha

@Judith: You’re so pretty, I hope you guys are happy together!

I automatically followed, favourited and retweeted the one calling her pretty, she seemed nice. I clicked on her profile- and it came up. Her name was actually Judith too, and she seemed like a nice girl. I went back to Alex’s profile, and again my eyes landed on two things. There was a HUGE list of El hate, it was disgusting.

@EleanorJCadler: eww fatty @a13aha

@EleanorJCadler: he is mine and not urs @a13aha

@EleanorJCadler: you pig @a13aha

@aaronfootball111: wtf who the hell is Louis come back or ur dead @a13aha

I went to the guy I assumed was Aaron- her ex and read his profile. He seemed like a jock, but a complete ass too. I wen- I heard a knock on the door.




I walked towards the tree, the memories flooding my mind. How was it ever this hard- to just remember two days? The touches, the laughs, and the memories. How could I ever fall so hard, and so deep for someone in a few days- and not just one guy, three. But here I was, walking towards one, Niall. His laugh, and god those beautiful blue eyes. Looking into them makes me forget the world- and we become the only two people there. The sparks that fly up my arm when we touch- the butterflies that go through my stomach when we laugh. And how I could be myself when I’m with him, I don’t have to pretend. The tears he’s wiped off my cheek, the times he had held me. I looked up and saw him leaning by the tree, and tears gathered in my eyes. He looked up and saw me, and we just started walking. We walked towards the beach and sat, the sounds of water filling my ears. The water was calm and the moonlight is shimmering on the small waves, creating dapples of white in the crests. I took my flip-flops off, and the feeling of sand under my feet was incredible. I stopped at one place and just sat, thinking. Niall sat beside me and we just looked towards the water, the silence lingering. I automatically recognized where I had stopped- the place where we had kissed. The tears streamed down my face, and I couldn’t stop it.


“What happened to us?” I whipped my head towards him. I saw tears also streaming down his face, and his eyes red.


“I don’t know,” I whispered, looking towards the water again. I felt his warm hand come down on my arm, sending sparks up my arm. My heart started beating faster.


“Look at me Alex.” I looked towards him. “What happened to being my princess?” He looked down, “what happened to having forever? What happened to Alex and Niall? Why are you with HIM and not with me?” I opened my mouth, my heart breaking as he said every word. “Are my feelings not clear enough for you?”


“They are Niall.”


“Then why him? Please, please tell me why. Every second of the day, is hurting me. Seeing him touch you, hug you- I want that. Why is it he and not I? I saw you first, I helped you first.” The tears continued to stream down my cheek. “Alexandria, I love you so much. I love you… and can’t you see that? Can’t you see that I’m willing to do anything for you? Can you not see how much it hurts me when you’re with him? I want to be the one that you run to, the one who can hold you. I want to be the one you wake up beside, and the one that gets to look into your eyes everyday. The one who I can kiss, love for- care for. Why can’t you see? I can be myself when I’m with you- and it feels like it’s just us two. When you smile, I want to be the reason you do. I want to be the reason you smile. Don’t you feel it when we touch? The sparks- the fireworks? The butterflies that are in my stomach, can you explain that?  Alexandria I can’t stop loving you- and I don’t want to. You will always be the only one that I want, and I want YOU to be my princess.” I could see him trying to hold back the tears, but they came down anyways. My heart broke; it just broke me to see him like this. “Why can’t you look at ME like that? When you walk by, I try to stand. But then I freeze, I never do it. My tongue gets tied, and I get off track. When takes your hand, I die a little. I hear the beat of my heart get louder when I’m near you. But I see you with him, slow dancing, tearing me apart cause you don’t see. Whenever you, kiss him- I’m breaking. I wish that was me. He looks at you, the way I want to. Does all the things- I know that I should. I just want time to turn back. And Alex, just three words. Alex I love you. I love you for who YOU are, and just-“ he broke down. He started sobbing, and shaking. I moved closer and wrapped my arm around him, and we just sat there. The silence choked me, and I just didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what feelings were going through me, there were so many. I felt happy, happy to know that he felt this was too. I felt broken, and I hated myself. Here I had the most amazing boy crying, and it was all because of me. And right now- I knew I couldn’t lie.


“Me too.”


“You too what?”


“I love you too Niall.” He had a confused look on his face.


“Then why Louis?” he paused, “why him instead of me?” Whoopee,  the question of the day.


“Because.” I sighed, confused of what to say. “Because I love him too.”




“Yes you can Niall. I love you Niall, I really do. I feel the sparks when we touch, and I feel everything you do. My heart broke when you and Chloe started dating too. I feel the same things, and I just-“ I buried my head in my hands, “I don’t know how to explain it. Niall I love you. With all my heart, I do. But I also love Louis.” I left out Harry; it would’ve been too much. “I feel the way I feel towards you, but with Louis too. He’s an amazing guy Niall, but I just… I don’t know which one of you guys I love more.” I shook my head. “But I can’t feel this way. I...” I stopped, and breathed in, but I couldn’t take it. I was scared, and I was confused. I started crying, and Niall wrapped his arm around me “N…Niall I…I’m so…so sssorrry.”


“Shhh, love it’s okay. Please stop crying.” I looked up into his eyes and he smiled. “It hurts to see you like this. And just knowing you feel this way back- it takes off so much weight off my shoulders. I know that I SHOULD and I WILL continue trying.” His smile grew. “Will you spend the day with me tomorrow?” He paused and breathed in. “Can we rewind? Pretend like we just met each other… and have a day out? I’m asking you for one more chance. Can we fall one more time? Please just give me one more chance, a chance to show you how much I love you.” He looked down. “ You don’t have to. I mean you kno-“






“I will Niall.” I stood up brushed the sand off my pants. As he stood up, I jumped into his arms. We stood there, hugging, the only sound being the waves of the ocean. I pulled back and looked into his eyes.


“So be ready in the morning, after breakfast?” I smiled and nodded. We walked back towards the room, with none of us saying anything. He had his arm around my waist- but I was okay. The sounds of the waves slowly faded as we went farther, but the smells of saltwater still were still everywhere. As we reached my room, I stopped and turned to face him. I went on my tippy toes and kissed his cheek.


“Thank you.” I turned around and opened the room, I was afraid of doing something more if I stayed there any longer. I twisted the knob to my door, and swung the door open. The air got knocked out of my chest as I saw what was happening- it was Louis, and Chloe… kissing?

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