It Hurts To Know.

It hurts to know that you'll never remember something I'll never forget.

Alexandria has never been more excited for anything. Finally after going through so much struggles and pain, she can FINALLY meet her idols. This was the one night she could get away. Away from all the hatred and pain at home. Away from all the abuse and hurt. But what she and her best friend Chloe thought was going to be an average concert- turned into the best night of their lives. What happens after Chloe leaves? Is Chloe really a TRUE friend? Who will Alex chose? And more importantly... who is hurting them? Will someone finally tell her she's worth it, that she's beautiful... and will somebody finally care for her?

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9. Too Many Tears

 

You don't know you're beautiful, if only you saw what I could see, you'd understand why I want you so desperately, right now I'm looking at you and I cant believe- you don't know, oh oh, you don't know your beautiful

 

-ALEXANDRIA’S POV-

 

After Chloe and Harry had left, we all started talking. It wasn’t anything serious- just casually talking. About life- the things we’ve done. Chloe and Harry had come in 30 minutes later; Chloe had looked happy, but Harry had this sad- tired look on his face. As if he didn’t like spending time with Chloe. Eventually the conversation started getting more serious…

 

“So Alex, are you single?” Zayn had asked.

 

“Err… I don’t really want to talk about it,” I nervously said, my voice quivering. I looked over to Chloe and sent her a look, telling her to change the subject. I didn’t want to ruin the mood.

 

“On a happier note, who likes carrots?” Chloe had asked.


“OHMAHGOD, ME!” me and Louis yelled at the same time; highfiving eachother.

 

“Alex, you didn’t answer Zayn’s question.” Niall softly said. Tear’s had started welling up in my eyes- I couldn’t take it. This night that had started off so beautifully, was going downhill - and fast. I didn’t want them to see me cry, so I stood up and went to the unisex bathroom. I sat on the toilet- thousands of emotions hitting me like a wave. I couldn’t take it- they weren’t even good feelings- they all were bad. I started crying, and crying- until I had no tears. I was just sitting there- trying to catch my breath while hiccupping.

 

“Love, are you okay?” I heard a knock on the door.

 

“Ye..yes I…I’m fine L..Liam.” Talking hurt- I didn’t have any air left in my lung’s to speak. I heard the door open- and a warm body sitting beside me. I looked up into his eyes.

 

“H..how did yo..you unlock” I hiccupped- “the, the door?” He started smiling, still looking into my eyes.

 

“Well, living with the boy’s has taught me many things.” He winked. I laughed- finally the air filling my lungs. I starred into his chocolate eyes- the eyes that I had fallen in love- and out long ago.

 

“You have beautiful eyes.” I muttered- captivated by them.

 

“So do you love.” I could see him leaning in- what was he doing? Was he about to kiss me? I could feel his breath on my lips- him leaning away- but last second I turned my head. I looked back to see him broken- hurt; and a tear rolling down his cheek. It broke my heart to see him like this- so… so fragile. I grabbed his head and turned it towards me.

 

“Li-Li stop crying. I didn’t turn my head just for any reason.” He shook his head.

 

“I know, its because you love Niall, isn’t it?” I smiled.

 

“No- Liam, there’s SO many things you guys don’t know about me. Things that would terrify you. I just… I’ve been hurt so many times- I just… my heart won’t let me love this easily.” Now I had a silent tear rolling down my cheek.

 

“What happened? Why don’t you- trust me? Why do you think I’m going to hurt you?” I looked into his eye’s again- this time not afraid.

 

“Liam, I’ve been hurt so many times. So many times it’s not even fair. I want to- I really want to fall in love- but I need to know that you won’t hurt me. My trust has been gained- and broken SO many times- so many times…” I was sobbing now, leaning into his chest crying. I could feel his arm wrap around me- as I sobbed into his chest. It was warm- comforting. But it was time- time to tell him what really had happened.

 

“Love, tell me. Let me hear what you have to say.”

 

-FLASHBACK-

 

“I walked into the restaurant, ready to begin my date with Aaron. It was our one year anniversary- I felt so happy. I had walked up to the women working at the counter.”

 

“Hi! My boyfriend’s already here, by the name of Aaron for two?” “She had smirked at me- as if I wasn’t good enough for him- something. She had led me to the table- with her head high, trying to sway her hips as much as she could. As she led me to my table- I couldn’t believe what I had sawn. Aaron was there alright- snogging another girl. I had gotten hurt so much by him- by his little flirts- his little pecks to other girls… but this was different. They were all over each other on the table- tongue locked. I had stormed out of the restaurant- running in my heels- he hurt me- real bad. And Liam, what you don’t understand is the fact that… nobody has ever truly loved me. I’m fat, ugly, and no one has ever cared. Not enough to ask me out. Aaron was the only boy I had gotten attention from- and I THOUGHT he actually cared. The relationship had been going too fast- and I just… I wasn’t ready. I guess he decided that I wasn’t good enough for him… and it broke my heart.”

 

“As I had walked out of the restaurant- he had followed me, yelling at me. He was drunk too- I could see. He got out… and started calling me names. Names that you would slap people for saying. I guess… I don’t know. He led me into a ally- calling me names- hitting me- threatening me; saying that if I broke up with him he would kill me. He… he did things. Things I just don’t want to talk about Liam. Things the police would kill for. Liam, you see why I just- I can’t trust people too early.”

 

-PRESENT TIME-

 

I looked over at Liam to see tears rolling down his cheeks. I put my hand on his cheek and wiped them off.

 

“Li-Li, please don’t cry.”

 

“What about your parents?” He paused. “Alexandria, why didn’t you tell your parents?”

 

“Liam… my mom. She’s been in the hospital for quite a while.” I sighed. “Ever since she has- dad- my dad had started hurting me. First- it was a slap- then a punch- then a kick and then- ra- NO. Liam, these are things I just don’t want to talk about. Things that I’m never going to get away from- no matter where I go. Even in school- kids bully me. Bully me for being fat- ugly, poor. I just… tonight was going to be the night to get away from everything. Everything at home.”

 

“Oh my lord, Alex I never knew. Please, please forgive m-“ The door had collapsed, all the boys and Chloe falling onto the floor. “BOYS! YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO LISTEN!” But when all the boys looked up- their eyes were puffy- face bloated; even Chloe’s was.

 

“Alex, I’m so sorry. So sorry for asking you this… I’m…I’m so sorry.” Zayn started crying- they all did. I laughed.

 

“Why are you laughing, love?” Liam had asked.

 

“Guys, it’s okay. I couldn’t have asked for a better night with you guys- it was great. I needed to tell you guys eventually; even if you’re leaving tomorrow.”  Louis looked up at Liam.

 

“Lad, can we tell her?”

 

“Yeh Louis, tell her.”

 

“Well, Alexandria... we actually decided on living here. Staying in Toronto. We had our doubts- but when we met you girls- Harry had sealed the deal with Paul on their walk. We are staying.” I jumped up.

 

“WOOOO!”

 

“Well someone’s happy.” Niall whispered.

 

“Well, One Direction is going to be living in my hometown- 5 amazing- beautiful kind guys. What more could I ask for?”

 

“Oh stop it you-“ Louis had said.

 

“So you guys really weren’t lying about the New Years plans?” Chloe asked.

 

“No, love.” Harry told her. Chloe started blushing wildly- and Harry started laughing.

 

“Love, is there anything we can do? Please- tell us- maybe you could live with us?” Zayn was begging me with his eyes.

 

“Guys, I really don’t know. He’d try to find me- and he WILL get through anything that gets in his way.” I whispered.

 

“WHATT. DO YOU NOT THINK I’M NOT MUCHO ENOUGH?” Louis yelled while pounding his chest.

 

“Well, your plenty mucho, put against a knife?” I laughed unsure.

 

“A knife?” Niall whispered. I wanted to lift up my shirt- but I was self conscious.

 

“Alex, show them.” Chloe looked at me.

 

“NO! No one wants to look at my flabs.” I yelled.

 

“I would, babe.” Harry said, with a cheeky grin and wink.

 

“SHADDUP!” I yelled.

 

“DIBS!” Niall yelled.

 

“I AM NOT A DIBS GIRL- YOU HAS TO WIN OVER MY HEARTT!”

 

“Show us love, you’re beautiful no matter what.” Liam whispered, as I blushed. I lifted up my shirt so they could see my scar. It was ugly- but the doctor said that it would heal. I looked up to see Niall’s face red. He stood up and stormed out. I sat there confused. What? I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I stood up and ran- ran until I found the nearest changeroom and ran in it. I sat and cried- too much crying tonight. Did he not like me anymore? Did the scar disgust him so much… so much that he was repulsed? I knew it- I never should have shown it.

 

-NIALL’S POV-

I stormed out of the room- I couldn’t take it. I got how he punched- slapped- ra- But this? This was too far. Not only does she have emotional scars- but physical one’s too now. How could he hurt her like this? Hurt her so much- I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. It broke my heart to see her hurt. I felt someone poke me, and I turned around- to be slapped.

 

“What the hell mate?” I yelled, tears still streaming down my face.

 

“YOU DESERVE IT!” Louis yelled back.

 

“WHY? What did I do?”

 

“Thanks to you, Alex is fucking sitting in my change room, balling her eyes out!”

 

“Buhh…but why would she be crying?” What- how could I have hurt her? I could see Louis shaking his head.

 

“You really don’t see it do you?”

 

“See what lad?”

 

“Niall, she really likes you.”

 

“Yeah she likes every-“

 

“AS IN LOVE YOU CUNT. She thinks that your repulsed by her- and now we have Liam trying to comfort her while she’s crying.” I stopped and looked at him. I ran- as fast as I had ever ran before. I ran to Louis’ change room and burst in. Liam looked up at me.

 

“Mate, now ain’t a good time.”

 

“Liam, please. I have to talk to her.” He looked into my eyes- nodded and left. I had slid down to sit beside Alex- and wrapped my arms around her.

 

“Niall, leave me alone.”

 

“Love, please, look at me.” She carefully lifted her head- and shielded herself- as if… as if I was going to hurt her. Why would I hurt her? “Why are you crying?”

 

“Because you’re repulsed by me. Disgusted- you think I’m ugly; just like the next boy does.” Oh my god- she actually doesn’t know how beautiful she is. I scooted in front of her- so now she could see me. I sang the words slowly- peacefully.

 

“You don’t know… you don’t know you’re beautiful.” I paused- and looked into those beautiful brown eyes. “If only you saw what I could see, you’d understand why I want you so desperately, right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe, you don’t know- oh oh, you don’t know your beautiful.” She laughed.

 

“Then why’d you leave?” she paused. “When I needed you the most- was the most self-conscious, why did you leave?”

 

“Babe, I can’t stand to see you so… broken. So hurt. You’re so fragile- so breakable. I don’t understand, how someone can hurt someone like you… so much.” She looked into my eyes.

 

“Thank you Nialler, thank you.” I smiled- this wasn’t the right moment to kiss her. Not now.

 

“You’re welcome Alex. Now lets go meet up with the other boys?” I paused. “Would you consider staying with us till the New years- since your dads not going to be here?” She smiled.

 

“Sure Nialler.” I got a text from my phone;

 

Li-Li;]: We took Chloe to the flat, she fell asleep. Mind catchin’ a cab?

 

Ni-Ni:3: sure lad, we’ll be there in a jif.

 

“Love, Chloe had fallen asleep- so the lad’s took her to the flat. Do you mind catchin’ a cab?”

 

“Sure! Just let me get my clothes.” she paused. “But… I don’t have any clothes.”

 

“Babe, borrow mine; we’ll go shopping tomorrow.”

 

“But… I don’t have any money.”

 

“It’s on me love, after all I’m rich.”

 

“Okay, but I’ll pay you back as soon as I get my paycheck.”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“NopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNopeNope”

 

“FINEEE. But, erm. I won’t fit in your clothes.” she mumbled. I walked up to her- shocked.

 

“Love, stop thinking this way.” I lifted her head up. “You’re beautiful, amazing, and ANY boy would be lucky to have you! Stop thinking like that, of course you will.” I winked “And, if you want, you could sleep naked.” She started blushing.

 

“Are… are we sharing a bed?” Oh crap- I hadn’t considered that.

 

“Oh, well you could- but it’s okay me and Harry could share; and you an-“

 

“I’m fine with sharing with you Niall.” I looked up into her eyes.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

AFTER CAB RIDE- STILL NIALL’S POV

 

I led Alex up to my room. We had been quite because the lad’s had been sleeping, so we gently shut the door. I walked over to my closet and took out a pair of sweats and a shirt. I gave it to her.

 

“Thank you Niall,” she whispered.

 

“Anytime love.” I walked over to my bathroom- “this is my bathroom, you could get changed and stuff in here.”

 

“Okay.” She walked in and gently closed the door. I started changing into my PJS- deciding that tonight wasn’t a good night to sleep in just my boxers. Alex had come out- and WOW.

 

“Do I look bad?” she said.

 

“No… you look… beautiful.” She started wildly blushing. I tried lightening the mood. “DAYUM GIRL, YOU CAN EVEN ROCK PJS!” I tried my best American accent. She giggled and walked over to my bed, lying down. I lied down beside her, and scoot close. She comes closer.

 

“Niall?”

 

“Yes love?”

 

“Can we snuggle?” My heart skipped a beat.

 

“Sure love.” I scotched closer and made her back press against my chest, as I wrapped my arms around her waist spooning her.

 

“Goodnight Niall.” I kissed her cheek.

 

“Goodnight love.”

 

 

 

A/N PLEASE READ!
 

Sorry that this was bad c; I have a HUGGEEE exam tomorrow, and its 11;16 so I really want to sleep <3 Ill post the new years thing tomorrow, but in order for me to, you guys need to tell my your ships! PLEASE COMMENT BELOW!!!

Sorry potatos c;

~alexis

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