Unsweet Sixteen

I'm entering this in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. I'd love your feedback!


1. Pitch

So, as it says in the about, I'm entering this into a contest. The first round is the pitch, and it's the part that I'm most nervous about. Basically, what I'm asking is for some constructive criticism--something a bit more than "I'd read this!" or "This suck!" Why is it good; why isn't it? It there anything I need to eleborate on? Do I need to cut anything? Keep in mind that it has to be less that 300 words; as it stands, I'm at 204.

Thank you, thank you, thank you in advance for your feedback and advice. You can't possibly understand how much I appreciate it. -AL


Your sixteenth birthday should be something you look forward to. It should be the best time of your life. It should be a day to be spoiled. It should not be the day you find out your whole life has been one big lie.

Janie Liston is the daughter of a famous aging rock star—at least, that’s what her parents have always told her. One day, while celebrating her sixteenth birthday, a strange man shows up with an even stranger confession: that he’s her real father.

Soon, Janie’s classmates are gossiping, she can’t stand to be in the same room as her parents, and her boyfriend—the one person that she thought would understand—is getting fed up with her. Then there’s the issue of her biological father. She meets with him, doing so in secret.

Everyone has something to say about the matter, especially the paparazzi that are following Janie around. First, they show up at her high school, but, when that’s not enough, they begin camping out outside of her house, waiting for her to say something.

Ultimately a tale of forgiveness, UNSWEET SIXTEEN is told through the eyes of a girl that wants nothing more than to just move on.

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